To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

Absolutely this. If with worked for me I’d be working with you to make this work and being as flexible as we could to support you to manage. Please say you’ve told them exactly where you are and what you need?

I have people working odd hours all the time to make it work with their families etc

If you put £2000 per year into your pension does that reduce it down so you get child benefit.

Are you taking advantage of tax free childcare (saves you 20% no matter your income).

15 free hours from 3 for all.

Could do 4 long days and have the 5th day off? Still keep your current hours.

This would really depend what your toddlers behavior is like. During lockdown I found working at home and looking after my DDs incredibly stressful and they are older and mostly self sufficient during the day! No harm in trying though. Unless your ex could look after your toddler on that day or more while you work?

One other thing you can do, is being a high rate tax payer, you can claim 40% tax relief on your pension.

The chances are that your pension provider is only claiming 20% on your behalf.

It only takes one phone call to HMRC and they'll calculate what they owe you and send you a cheque. It may go towards some childcare costs.

Totally depends on job. If you can get away with it, do it.

Speak to your mortgage provider for some payment holiday or extended term at lower rate. You have a temporary situation of higher childcare and DP hospitalised, while earning a decent wage; this is exactly the time when they will negotiate.

As for the employer, no you shouldn't expect to be able to work with a toddler, especially if they think the job can't be flexible enough to adjust hours instead.

Half the team I work for does it (public sector). It never works - they're never around, everyone else has to do more hours to pick up their slack, and we're all really bloody resentful. Please don't do it. It's not everyone else's job to carry your load so that you don't have to pay for childcare for the child you chose to have.

As for the employer, no you shouldn't expect to be able to work with a toddler, especially if they think the job can't be flexible enough to adjust hours instead.

Childcare costs 60% of our income. And that’s not full time. It’s shit. We made the decision to go into debt rather than my leave the workplace and potentially struggle to return. Looking forward to school. You could put in a flexible working request or a temporary change to contract (eg part time until school age). But you cannot work and care for a toddler, that’s insane.

Depends on the job. I couldn't do it with mine because I have meetings, both scheduled and unscheduled which I can't do with a small child around and also when I have done because of some sort of necessity (ie nursery had to close one day for no heating), I felt like a bloody shit parent because I HAD to focus on work which meant my DS was mainly watching TV and complaining all day that he wanted me to play with him. Fine for a one off, but regularly? Not fair on anyone I don't think.

It's all policy for my company that if you work from home you have childcare so I would check what their policies are or you might find yourself in a worse situation.

Why is your childcare so expensive?

A childminder would charge approx £4.50 an hour. So if you sent your child there for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, it would still be less than £1000 a month.

i suggest changing childcare providers.

£4.50 an hour??? Where is that?

@Hellabpit I hope this helps, you have a temporary issue you need help with, you have caring responsibilities and that gives you a strong case. There are changes coming in the middle of this year;

''There isn't an absolute legal right to change your working pattern but if you need to change the way you work because of your childcare responsibilities, your employer should properly consider your request and look at how you can do your old job in a way that meets your childcare needs.''
https://maternityaction.org.uk/advice/child-friendly-working-hours/

@FoxtrotSkarloey To be fair I paid about that for a childminder two years ago. £37 a day. (Compared to the £67 a day at nursery now!).

I pay my childminder £4.50 an hour, in the south west. Nursery’s are more expensive than childminders for obvious overhead costs.

Op have an unmumsnetty hug.
I don’t think having your toddler at home is the solution.
Are you taking advantage of tax free childcare and your 15 funded hours?
Can you extend the car finance to ease the burden until you get 30 funded hours?
Do you have any family or friends who would have your toddler for a few hours on the day he’s at home to allow you to be productive for a good chunk of the day?

Its a really shit situation to be in, and people hear 60+k and think you are well off in reality you aren’t.

Wishing your Exp well soon

Where do some of these posters live?! Childminders are all £6-£7.50 around me!

I think it depends on your job? I’ve allowed my administrator to flexi work with her 3.5year old at home for one day a week, we trialled it for two months on the understanding that if her performance dropped, it wouldn’t be continued. I actually think she is more productive, probably to make a point of it working but as she’s not client facing, as long as she’s available for me and the rest of the core team most of the day, it works.

Im in east miss and a child minder is £5.20/hr.

I’m sorry you are in such a difficult situation, this sounds really tough!
I work from home with my eldest (3, almost 4) on Fridays. I have my work calendar set to allow people to book meetings Monday-Thursday and I then use Friday for lots of reporting and admin that I don’t struggle to do with my eldest about. He mostly sits with me and does colouring, wipe clean books, orchard games etc. When I have to take the odd meeting on a Friday I sit him in my eyeline, give him his tablet with his headphones on and I put my headphones in as well. I think it depends both on your type of work and your child.

Whatever you do, don't try to combine wfh with caring for your toddler. It is a terrible idea all round, and in particular, unsafe for your child.

Is it in any way possible for you to sell your current property and get something with lower mortgage to help finances surely in a salary that high you’d get something

Would you be better off dropping your hours slightly to 30 or 34.5 to get the childcare element of UC? I’m not well versed in how it all works but if it made you better off over all it might. be worth it and less stress for you?

However seems ludicrous and short sighted of government etc that you should have to.

Childcare is so bloody expensive! So I empathise with that. x

You really need to go have a chat with your direct manager and HR, explain the situation, ask to reduce your hours, even if only 2 days, or ask if its possible to do a job share, that way you will be able to claim some Govt support and spend more time with your child.
You will probably find you dont lose that much money and will save on travel costs ect.

I thought you had to do a self assessment for this, but when I applied for a UTR they wouldn't give me one! What am I doing wrong? 😬