To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

Realistically you can’t work at home with your toddler. I have a 3 year old and have done the odd call at home with her, anymore than that I couldn’t do. How old are your DC? Are you getting the free hours?

I used to line manage someone who had their toddler being looked after by granny in another room at home and it was so difficult. She was never fully present and was on/off all day. She did most of her work late in the evening which was far from ideal for anyone involved, although does depend on your role/industry.

It depends on your toddler and your job. I done it for 3 days a week for a year and it was only manageable as long as i didn't have long calls where I needed to speak. Short calls i scheduled around his nap. It was fine. But now he won't nap anymore and he's nearly 3 he'd go bonkers if i even attended this and so would i!!

Attempted **

OK so here's an idea that might help.

Increase your pension contribution by just enough to get you under the limit for some child-related benefits. You might find that it tips things in your favour.

Obviously no guarantees. You'd have to do the maths.

I tried during covid and my 1yo managed to sneak into the garden next to a full paddling pool. She was put of my sight for about 3 mins before i noticed she had disappeared, terrified me. Not even from the work perspective but a toddler wont let you WFH, even when theyve been ill and i tried WFH they noticed i was focusing on my computer and kept whinging

Depends on the nature of your job. If you're on Zoom calls all day and need to engage constantly between certain hours then maybe not as it will be so hard. But if that day can be used mainly for admin, emails and you can easily do some work in the evening for example, then go for it.

Why is your mortgage so much? Have you looked at a flat?

This would be my suggestion but the child benefit is unlikely to make up for loss of salary? I’m not sure - OP would have to do some maths.

Much sympathy though. Such a tight spot when you have fixed outgoings and no other support to fall back on.

Are you sure that you can't cut back on things, like regular subscriptions, holidays, memberships or shopping choices.?

Your salary , as you acknowledge, is very decent but working with a toddler is pretty unreasonable both to your employer, service users ( if any) and your toddler.

Have you looked at other options in regards to childcare? Maybe a childminder rather than nursery?

I don't see how anyone can do any meaningful work with a toddler needing attention. If you can schedule your meetings for when your toddler isn't home then I'd suggest you do that. You'll have to catch up after they've gone to bed / weekends if you can. It's doable but you'll have to work flexibility

You are in a difficult situation. But you are fairly well paid by most folks standards. I don't think it would be fair to your employer to try to work and look after a young chil at the same time.

Can you have an au pair?

One day a week in the short term should be wingable. It’s not like you’re intending to do it 5 days a week which would be very impractical.

Will you be having teams meetings during this day? That may be an issue unless your DC has set nap times, sleeps well, you can arrange them for that time and they’re short. Noise cancelling headphones if DC is in the room playing but you still need to be able to have eyes on them/playpen/fenced off area of room. Lunchtime walk to tire DC out. I’d try it first then ask employer if you can catch up in the evenings when DC in bed if you see that doing a full day is impossible when they’re awake.

I wouldn’t have an issue as an employer if you were a good worker, did what needed to be done and I was aware of the situation with your DH.

You can quite often achieve more in a few hours at home, even in the evening, than you can in a day in the office IMO.

I’d do it if it was the difference between losing my home or not. Yes, it’s incredibly hard working with a toddler at home and thanks to the pandemic, I’ve had plenty of experience of this. However, if you can organise your work so that the day when your child at home is the easier one, it will be more manageable. Be prepared to end up working in the evenings once the toddler is in bed if you weren’t able to get everything done though. It will be stressful but the alternative worry of not being able to afford to live is likely more stressful.

Hopefully your compressed hours request will be approved.

I havent read the whole thread op but I'm in a similar situation. Single parent to three children including 1 year old twins.
My full time wage is 56k so similar.
I cut down to three days at work and now qualify for universal credit support for the childcare (they pay back 85% of nursery fees)
I'm still not well off but with really careful budgeting and no extras, I am able to avoid getting into debt and keep paying my mortgage.

Is this something you could look jnto? Big hugs. These early years as a single parent are hard.

Could you cover the hours you would work fromhome during evenings when your toddler is in bed? Plus very limited time during the working day.

It's hard to do.

You sound like you are in a tricky situation though and this is clearly something of a crisis.

Do you have any family that might help even in a temporary basis? Could you swop childcare with someone else for a day - they take both kids on Friday and you take both on Saturday?

Have you checked that with your partners health you are still not entitled to anything benefits wise?
If it is just the one day a week can you do a deal with a friend that she takes your child and you do something in return?
Do you have any critical illness cover with any insurance or pension?

Unlikely to be entitled.

Have you run the numbers to see what working 4 days a week would actually mean for your take home salary? Because you'd gain on tax and child benefit and be able to save one day's childcare costs. You could end up better off.

Is it worth losing your job? I would suck up paying for the childcare to be honest.

OP I am sorry to read about your partner.

You cannot work from home with a young child, you will not be able to work properly and it's really unfair on a young child who needs attention and care.

Can you look at some other options- reducing hours, working compressed hours etc. Do you have anyone who hi could look after your DC one day a week for free/do a childcare swap where you look after their child and while they work a day at the weekend?

I think you also need to review your outgoings. Your car finance is expensive, can you downsize the car and reduce your payments? Can you reduce other outgoings? We've saved a fortune by getting rid of Sky and changing what supermarket we shop at. We also reviewed our mobile phone contracts an saved a lot on that too.

OP has a mortgage. Extremely unlikely to be able to get UC. Only if you rent is it possible to earn a fair amount and get something although I think even a renter won't get anything on £60k!