To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

Doubt your company would be happy with this. My company allows is as long as it’s temporal but from a safety point of view they don’t allow it.

If you’re just over the child benefit threshold isn’t worth paying more into your pension so you still get it?

You don’t get child benefit if you earn more than 60k pre tax

You’d only get £80 I think extra a month and for that she has to drop to 50k as otherwise you’ve to return it
really not worth it for the shake of £80

No ... surely, like most people, the answer would be to move to somewhere cheaper or to rent (it's most unlikely renting would mean eligibility for universal credit!).

You are not talking about affording 'very basic things'. You are asking how to afford a mortgage. That's fine! It's a question worth asking. But, if you're offended by the answers, then you're going to struggle.

How old is your toddler OP? Are you eligible for the 15 funded hours for 2yo starting in April? That along with tax free childcare may help a little with the childcare bill? It sounds really tough you have my sympathies.

The OP would do better to explore some of the other options suggested around loans, payment holidays etc than go through the extreme cost of moving to solve what is a relatively short term issue.

They do cost more, but vs solicitors, stamp duty and so on, it's probably worth it.

Please get a babysitter in, even a teenager. Even half the day (morning, then he presumably naps and then you finish work early and continue when he is asleep). Or take him to a childminder, much cheaper than nursery.
It’s not safe for your toddler and not fair on them. Please just do it for a few months until you can claim funded hours. Sorry things are hard but childcare bills are only for a few more years and then school starts.

I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. However, you know YABU. Working from home is working. You cannot work if you are looking after a child. You've applied for flexible working. Hopefully that includes the option of condensed working hours which might help?

There’s every chance she’s got a student loan and pension contributions there too - type 2 loan and 5% into a pension and that’s a huge difference.

Totally unrelated to this thread, but I remember your thread on this and think you made the right call! Hope you got to keep your plants. (P.S. I promise I am not a MN weirdo, I just remember your username because I first came across it when this Sarah and Duck was DS's absolute favourite!)

UK Is fucked

Ah, I hadn’t spotted that, @SarahAndQuack. That really is tough. I can’t help thinking that in that kind of situation, both parties should be able to get the full amount of CB.

The poster I was replying too wasn’t the op, as per the quote the poster had said they are on £30k.

How much are au pairs now? They’re only allowed to do 25 hours a week, so op would still need some nursery hours. Could be a really good call once the free nursery hours kick in though, between the two that would cover a lot of it. The 30 hours works out as something like 20 hours a week if not term time only, so with the au pair, and wfh say two days a week to avoid commute time, could definitely work. Plus, if the au pair is nice, I imagine it could be nice having someone else around! (Or a nightmare if not!)

OP, if you were on my team and in this situation, I'd be flexible enough to ensure you could have a trial period to see how things go. You're in a tricky situation, but your plan could potentially be ok. I've WFH with children around as and when needed (sickness, COVID, etc.). It's not easy, but it is doable. Be frank with your employers, particularly if you have a good relationship with them. Wishing you the very best of luck.

Poor bloody OP is asking for advice and has been accused of single-handedly letting the side down for all women and told she'll be fired or her kid will drown. Working with a toddler doesn't make you a bad feminist but propping up unfair structures that don't support working women and making it an indivisible issue rather than seeing it as a collective failure does 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Your salary is great. The cost of living however is shit. Ignore the people suggesting you get a lodger - wfh is dangerous but clearly inviting a rando to live with you is fine more bing house is always thrown in too, a disingenuous suggestion that ignores cost of moving, stamp duty, upheaval etc yet people can then tut and say you aren't willing to help yourself.

Sorry about your ex, can you contact him and ask about maintenance? Childminder is a good shout as it's cheaper, also finding out about funding as you'll be entitled to something.

I would say wfh with a toddler will be stressful for you but if you have no other option, an afternoon of tv and snacks once a week sounds fine. We do what we have to xxx

I have a six year old I couldn’t do this with.

honestly. She was 2-3 during covid and trying to work with her at home nearly drove me over the edge of sanity.

I had an employee who thought she'd provide daily childcare while "W"FH
the daughter (mother of child) wasn't even working, employee thought it would give her DD a nice break.
Didn't remain employed by me for long.

I do it (or did before my mat leave - DC would go to nursery for a morning or afternoon session and I would wfh/go to the office M. The other half of the day (so 3 hours worth of work) would be done in the morning/evening/nap time. My employers are v flexible and didn’t mind at all as long a so was doing a set number of hours a day.
On one day DC doesn’t go in at all - I get up and do 2.5 hours in the morning, 3 hours in the evening, we go out for the morning and burn loads of energy and I then do 1.5 hours while they watch a film.
It works but only because I’m rarely actually working whilst looking after a toddler, flexible working just means I can do the hours at more convenient times

It must depend on your job. See the person above, working while their child watches a film.
Some wfh is obviously quite flexible, but some intense, and only you can judge if it's compatible.

Do you claim tax free childcare? It is at least some help. The online system for it is horrible but you have to use it to access the 15/30 free hours anyway.

Will you be able to apply for the 2 year old funding? Again, it doesn’t make a FT place cheap (I still pay £700 a month with 30 hours) but it’s much better than £1300.

How old is dc? Big difference between 1 and 3. If closer to 3 yes it’s doable for a short period (I’ve done it!).

No. I would be very annoyed if my employees did this. It's absolutely awful for the toddler too. You are neglecting them whilst working or skiving your job when dealing with toddler. Don't do it.

My company have a policy. I'd be disciplining anyone breaching this policy.