To try and wing working with my toddler if my flexible working request is denied?

[Hellabpit]

I am in a shit situation. I earn enough to mean I have zero government support but just on the cusp of this. I don’t even get child benefit.

My ex partner recently lost his job and is extremely mentally unwell and cannot work. I am paying out almost 1600 in childcare a month, with my mortgage which is 1,100. This is on a good rate fixed for 3 more years, to rent would be even more.

I have a car on finance which is 250 a month. I need a car for work.

I am allowed to work from home once a week and I am planning on having dc at home with me on that day if my flexible working request for condensed hours is declined, I want to work 5 days over 4.5 days.

I am at breaking point. I am disillusioned with everything. I used to be so ‘by the book.’ So careful, so hard working.

I feel so resentful that I am struggling to survive on this level of pay and it seems nobody will help me. I know it’s not my employer’s job to fix my childcare but I don’t see any men in this position and I am done. Would you do this?

Controversial take OP but would going off sick give you some breathing space for a few months? Given you have literally no good options I’d do that before I worked at home with a toddler without my employers explicit agreement.

To be honest, child benefit wouldn’t make much difference. What is it now for one child? Around £20 a week?

When mine were small I was better off working three days a week, just for a few years to get over the crippling childcare costs, but you’d need to use a calculator to work it out.

Get your partner to claim New Style ESA due to ill health and not working

Have you actually discussed your specific circumstances with your employer? Would they be open to you working reduced hours temporarily, or even taking some time off (which would allow you to save money to pay for childcare when you return)? Don't assume anything, if they don't know what's going on they cannot support you. What are your longer term plans? Clearly your DH won't be able to care for your child for a very long time, so taking some time off may give you time to think things through and make plans. Also speak to your GP, they may be able to help you get through this difficult time as you're clearly under a lot of strain, which may add weight to your flexible working application.

Having done this during Covid I would strongly suggest you don't. It was impossible - you're doing everything badly.

As it's only one day I guess you could try, obviously during Covid I was doing it every day which broke me. But I wouldn't go back to it for anything.

Depends on what sector you're in. If you are a software developer then this is doable as you can write and do code reviews when your child is in bed. I'd assume many tech and/or science careers would allow this flexibility.
To people saying it's not fair on the employer, why? A dev is judged on the code they output, it really doesn't matter if the code is committed at 9pm or 9am in most cases.
Good luck OP x

Did your partner have income protection insurance and can you use this? or critical illness cover?

When do you get the 30 hours funding? Can you cut down on anything expenditure wise? Can you ask friends or family for help one or two days a week? Can you do any work in the evenings when toddler is in bed? Are you receiving everything you're entitled to?

As PP has said, play around on the salary calculator website to see if increasing your pension actually makes you better off by getting tax free childcare, although I assume you get that already?

otherwise could you speak to your bank about a mortgage holiday or temporary switch to interest only until your child is entitled to free hours?

Yep, the very definition of the squeezed middle. But with a headline salary like that, no political party will do anything because it would garner unattractive headlines and not win votes ☹️

OP, if your employer won’t allow you to compress 5 days into 4.5, would they consider allowing you to take a half day of annual leave on your WFH day? I agree with PP it’s not ideal trying to WFH while looking after a toddler but at least this halves the time you’re attempting to juggle work and childcare (and if need be, you can use the “annual leave” time to make up for any lost productivity).

Otherwise, I agree with PP about switching your mortgage to interest only or borrowing more to cover the cost of childcare.

I would not recommend doing this unless you are prepared to risk losing your job.

Would it be possible for you to work 5 days in 4, rather than 4.5? I know a couple of people who do this meaning they get Friday and Monday off, so a long weekend every 2 weeks!

You must be entitled to 30 hours free childcare, so that should help.

If annual leave is used to make the WFH day a half day then childcare should be used

No juggling of toddlers fgs!

Just make sure you dont have any meetings while youre covering the childcare. Maybe work a little extra when bubba is in bed to cover anything missed? Thats what i'd do.

I don't understand how you're in this position at £61k. That's over £4k a month. That should still, after taxes and bills, give you a spare 1k a month?

This is not the squeezed middle.

The median UK income is just under 35k (gross). For London it is 44k.

It is not over 60k.

The OP is in an unexpectedly hard situation because she has a very ill partner and a young child, and it sounds really hard. She is understandably really worried and stressed. Please don't lets make this into something it isn't.

Op, ask your mortgage company to add as many years as they can to the term. That'll drop the payment and in the future when things pick up you can overpay and bring tje term back down

Because that equates to about £3600 of paying into a pension and OP is paying out £3k in mortgage, childcare and car before anything else. So yes, it is on the cusp if her salary is £60k

When DS was younger (2-3) my DH occasionally watched him for a couple of hours at the end of the day while I finished work. Or when he was off nursery for a bank holiday etc. Not regularly at all, and it was a total shit show! Just didn't work at all. If he had meeting requests that came in last minute he just couldn't watch him properly. So had no make sure there was no overlap with work x

But she has chosen to pay 3k into mortgage, childcare and the car.

It's horrible to have to make decisions about what you can and can't afford, especially if your circumstances change unexpectedly. I get that.

But sometimes, you have to make these choices.

If you have a toddler then it’s only one more month u til 15 funded hours kick in from April this year presuming you have a 2yo? And then at 3 you’ll get 30 funded hours over 5 days. Chil benefit is £84 a month so really doesn’t go far. Everyone should be able to access the tax free child care through the government. If you pay in up to £8k a year they will top it up to 10k. Goes a long way to help.

And keep in mind: if the OP continues to pay off her mortgage, she's going to end up with a very valuable asset. It's not as if she is paying rent, and seeing no return for her money.

Not advisable. Would you have room for a lodger?

Other option is change mortgage to interest only payments for as long as you can until dc is in school

I have my kids at home this week for half term and have only taken half of it as holiday. I can get away with this because my work is very flexible and involves very few meetings. I have worked every evening after bedtime plus a few hours while the kids have used devices so definitely done my hours. Depends on your job I think and not much fun trying to balance stuff and feeling like doing both badly so I wouldn't recommend it but could be doable if for a short time until you get the 30hrs