Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

Thanks lovely, I’m happy to be a ‘scruff’ if what I dress like means I’m ‘scruff’. I’m 42 so I can manage someone not liking how I dress, I’m a big girl now

What's the dress code for the wedding?

This

You are absolutely stunning but would look very out of place which can translate as "look at me" at the majority of weddings I've attended!

Go for the DMs! I once saw a bride in DMs, it looked great, not a punky vibe at all, ready suited her outfit. I think you’ll look (and feel great). My pet hate at weddings is when female guests change from silly high heels into flip flops. It’s so undignified… (As is tottering about in the too-high heels).

I have a couple of nice pairs of kitten heels. Wore kitten heels to my own wedding. I used to wear high heels when I worked in an office, and my feet are ruined now. Still have a few nice pairs (well-made, leather) but I think the charity shop is the only option… Can’t see myself ever wearing them again!

Post some pics of some?

I disagree. I think it’s healthy and progressive that these archaic and outdated formalwear standards are disappearing.

OP I recently bought these which were nice and flat
https://www.johnlewis.com/sam-edelman-felicia-fabric-ballet-flats/p6304691?s_share=jlappdroid

But they still hurt my feet after a while. As I said before, I wear trainers due to a foot condition. I used to have to explain this to people at work as I'd get a look (even though they were v plain and clean trainers). Now literally no one bats an eyelid and I've been on stage to present Awards and speak in public. All with dresses and trainers.
Ignore the haters and the people overly.invested in weddings. All eyes on the bride not the guests IMHO

DMs are neither cheap nor plastic.

Ballet flats, Mary Jane’s, loafers - fucking awful things. how anyone can say they’re nicer than DMs blows my mind.

Likewise a lot of the photos I see on here of block heels (like my Nan would have worn to a wedding) or pointy toes (which would cripple me).

Surely if you’re getting married, you’re doing it because you want to marry your husband, and you invited your friend or family it’s because you like them for who they are, not because you want everyone to look like clones of eachother and feel uncomfortable, physically and emotionally all day.

I think its fine OP, I haven’t worn heels for perhaps 20 years. I'm just here for the links to acceptable flat shoes that aren't... shudder...ballet flats. Hopefully comfortable? Life is too short to have uncomfortable feet.

I wouldn’t wear all those outfits to a wedding, the first two are far too dressed down but were an example of how ‘scruffy’ my style is because I wear Docs. But I guess if my outfits say look at me to you then that’s ok, you’re welcome to your opinion there would be no issue from me. I’m 42 I can deal with people not loving what I wear. It was an example for wearing Docs with different outfits as most people see them as something you would with jeans & not a dress

Repeat of previous post - thought it hadn’t posted

DP wore DMs to his nieces wedding. He only owns DMs and flip flops and he didn't think flip flops would be appropriate. He did make a concession by wearing his DM Chelsea boots though.
https://www.drmartens.com/uk/en_gb/2976-stitch-smooth-leather-chelsea-boots-black/p/22227001

I don't care why they were created or what their intended purpose was.

That doesn't mean that women who wear heels are wearing them to titillate men, and it's offensive and misogynistic to portray any woman who does x, y or z as someone without a thought in her head who just goes along with this kind of stuff to titillate men, like a woman couldn't possibly have any preferences of her own and if she likes anything that men might like then she's just doing it because she's been conditioned to or wants to be attractive to men 🙄

Womens voices on why they like to do things are ignored and then they are told "don't be silly, you're just doing it for the men" 🙄So yep no respect for women who are so dismissive of womens choices and preferences like that.

My friend got married in her DMs. Nobody was appalled or offended.

I got married wearing DMs (as did my husband). And I've worn them to a few weddings with dresses as a guest. I think it's fine! They're just shoes, I can't say I've ever been 'shocked' by a shoe someone was wearing. I have a colleague who can only wear trainers due to some foot issues and she regularly rocks up to industry black tie events in a ballgown and Skechers and nobody gives a shit because why would they?

Hand over heart, I haven't worn heels since my early 20s. I'm now nearly 40. I don't even own a pair of heels any more.

I never really mastered walking in them, they hurt my feet, and I can't be arsed.

Don't feel any pressure to wear anything. Do what you what.

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

I don’t think you should wear those boots to a wedding op

There will always be people who feel comfortable being underdressed but thankfully most people appreciate that dress codes are important

Sounds like your friend has the right type of people in her life.

ThisMama1 looks stunning in her DMs.

I hope OP sticks with her decision to wear what makes her comfortable.

I thought that this was a great thread on flat shoes.

I think it depends on the dress/overall outfit before anyone can suggest a certain nice flat shoe really. Eg If someone was wearing a fifties style dress and wanted a quirky look, I’d perhaps suggest Vivienne Westwood jelly shoes but the flat version. These are obviously not for everyone. But fair enough if you don’t want to show what you’re wearing. I get it. Hope you have a lovely time and feel fabulous!

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.