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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
ManchesterLu · 13/02/2024 16:50

Just buy some flat shoes. I honestly don't understand the issue here.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2024 16:51

DamnSpots · 13/02/2024 16:44

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

I went to a wedding once where we all had to get outfit approval from the grooms, some couples are very into the aesthetic.

Weightwatcher2 · 13/02/2024 16:52

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:50

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Show quote history

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Ooh I love a dress code - esp black tie! Nice excuse to dress up after covid years but each to their own I guess.

NomDePrune · 13/02/2024 16:53

At her wedding my niece wore a lacy cream jumpsuit and black DM boots. None of the guests were in DMs though. Neither was the groom. It was boiling hot and most of us were in sandals.

SaunteringOnBy · 13/02/2024 16:53

Wear nice flat brogue style shoes.
Hell, wear a trouser suit and men's style shoes, rock the andro look like the 80s.

Spudthespanner · 13/02/2024 16:54

DamnSpots · 13/02/2024 16:44

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

Most people wouldn't need to run their choice of shoes past the bride and groom because they wouldn't wear the shoes that OP has posted.

I think OP knows they're not appropriate for her friend's wedding and that's why she's posted in AIBU.

TheOriginalEmu · 13/02/2024 16:55

Do people really care what other people put on their feet to the point of thinking ‘xxx can’t be bothered to make an effort’?

jesus.
wear the dms.

Megifer · 13/02/2024 16:56

I wore DMs to a black tie industry awards bash.

Wear the DMs.

ttcat37 · 13/02/2024 16:58

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:50

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Show quote history

Oh no, being smart and respectful to the occasion is suppressing your sense of style! How dare society force you to fit in!
Reminds me of my friend’s child who wanted to wear his Batman outfit and had a tantrum when he couldn’t wear it for school…

Perhaps your friends and family have the manners not to bring up when you’ve underdressed for their special occasion and hope you recognise it yourself.

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 16:59

Panic over - I have checked with the bride (taking into account@DamnSpots thoughts on that, I also sent her a link to this thread) and she is not in the least offended by my choice of footwear/outfit.

@ThisMama1 you are gorgeous! I love your style.

@ShiteRider
Ballet flats, Mary Jane’s, loafers - fucking awful things. how anyone can say they’re nicer than DMs blows my mind. Thank you for summing up my feelings so well!

Everyone who has contributed - thank you so much for all your opinions, this definitely ran on longer than I was expecting. To all the kind comments from my soul sisters in boots, I am so happy to hear from you all!! And to all the others - thanks also for sharing, you have made me appreciate all the more just how awesome the other people are.

Over and out.

OP posts:
LizFromMotherland · 13/02/2024 17:04

To all the kind comments from my soul sisters in boots, I am so happy to hear from you all!!

Surely you mean sole sisters? 😏

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2024 17:07

I'm fairly anal about dress codes, but if you go on the Doc Martens website there are SO many shoes that would work for a wedding.

These would look fab with a flouncy dress. As would these.

Adrian Women's Virginia Leather Tassel Loafers in Vintage Taupe | Dr. Martens

Shop Adrian Women's Virginia Leather Tassel Loafers in Vintage Taupe at Dr. Martens. Free delivery on orders over $50

https://www.drmartens.com/us/en/adrian-womens-virginia-tassel-loafers-vintage-taupe/p/31245348

ZiriForGood · 13/02/2024 17:10

I'm disappointed with the actual shoes.
I expected colourful classic statement doc martens. The actual boots are really "I've forgotten to pack my shoes" look.

I'd recommend cheap foldable ballet flats - they weight and cost a minimum and are very soft and therefore flexible for different feet shapes. They wouldn't hold as a proper full day walking shoes, but are great as "nice shoes" for hand luggage travelling and easily get me over those few hours when it matters.

chiwwy · 13/02/2024 17:11

And to all the others - thanks also for sharing, you have made me appreciate all the more just how awesome the other people are.

Bazinga!

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 17:12

*LizFromMotherland · Today 18:04

To all the kind comments from my soul sisters in boots, I am so happy to hear from you all!!

Surely you mean sole sisters? 😏*

Touché! 😂

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 13/02/2024 17:13

Every wedding I go to always, without fail, has one guest with massive doc martin style boots.

I always wonder if they would be pissed off if another guest showed up wearing the same, a bit like someone showing up wearing the exact same and obvious frock.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2024 17:14

I'm disappointed with the actual shoes.
I expected colourful classic statement doc martens. The actual boots are really "I've forgotten to pack my shoes" look.

Nailed it. SO many fab docs that would look amazing if styled properly. There's even a velvet pair with ribbon laces. You could do a great Marc Jacobs/90s grunge look if you paired them with a slip dress.

BlueGrey1 · 13/02/2024 17:17

Everyone has different taste, some like docs some don’t

I wore them for a short time when I was a student, but wouldn’t wear them now, have grown out of that look

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 17:21

ShiteRider · 13/02/2024 16:29

DMs are neither cheap nor plastic.

Ballet flats, Mary Jane’s, loafers - fucking awful things. how anyone can say they’re nicer than DMs blows my mind.

Likewise a lot of the photos I see on here of block heels (like my Nan would have worn to a wedding) or pointy toes (which would cripple me).

Surely if you’re getting married, you’re doing it because you want to marry your husband, and you invited your friend or family it’s because you like them for who they are, not because you want everyone to look like clones of eachother and feel uncomfortable, physically and emotionally all day.

Show quote history

You've not seen the actual boots have you? She's specially bought cheap plastic combat boots. More suited to a 14 year old going through their "edgy" phase than a grown woman at a formal event. Proper DMs would be a significant upgrade.

FrontalHeadache · 13/02/2024 17:23

Butterdishy · 13/02/2024 13:15

Yes, but you don't seem to have grasped that this thread isn't about your particular challenging extra special feet.

Show quote history

Why are you being so rude?

Bargello · 13/02/2024 17:25

I was at a wedding last summer and as soon as the (short) ceremony was over there were so many people swapping uncomfortable heels and other shoes for sandals and flip flops. Nobody cared.

FinFan24 · 13/02/2024 17:26

ThisMama1 · 13/02/2024 15:41

If I knew my family or friend was livid about my shoes I don’t think we’d be friends for long. I always wear Docs even to weddings & I don’t even hide my tattoos shock horror. Thankfully they’re good people though so don’t mind what’s on my feet

Show quote history

We’d never be friends 😆

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 13/02/2024 17:28

I never wear heels, and I can't abide pointy flats that wreck my toes and give me heel blisters. I wore black patent leather DMs to my own wedding and they looked great. Shiny, clean and perfect with a long dress. I'd never expect anyone to spend the afternoon in heels for my sake.