Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

Even you personally think combat boots are fine at a wedding, clearly opinion is divided. So why would you choose to wear something you know is so divisive and conspicuous? What's the point? Just pick something else for one day.

If they have put on heels they have contributed to making life that little bit harder for any other scientist, athlete, political leader, volunteer, etc, haven't they. Even if they have made respectable contributions in some ways, wearing heels negates that.

Any teacher who wears heels in front of children deserves total contempt. What are they teaching children? Woman need to physically disable themselves to conform to the expectations of men?

It wasn't. Originally, their sole intended purpose was to help keep the feet of (male) cavalry riders in the stirrup. They spread to the European royal courts as cavalry wear in the 17th century, and it became a fashion thing for men, particularly in the French court, with higher red heels reflecting status - being impractical for manual work, they weren't something the peasantry wore. Though you do also get pattens to keep shoes out of the mud, but they're mostly an extra high sole all round rather than just the heel.

Although there have long been some women's shoes with heels, the idea of using them to titillate by emphasising the calf muscle and pushing out the bum and chest for balance is very much a 20th century idea - besides anything else, it's not until women's skirt lengths rise enough that you're likely to see much leg anyway, and corsetry did more for body shaping. There definitely have been shoe designs with high heels designed for men's view in the decades since WW2, but heels were originally designed for men for practical purposes, not for women to look attractive to them.

Way to blame women for the patriarchy!

I never wear heels. I have a variety of flat boots that I wear with dresses (though I wouldn’t wear my DMs to a wedding purely because they’re the most wrecked…). My Victorian-style brogue boots seem to go with lots of outfits! Although maybe I look dreadful and just don’t know it… not sure I care though. I like them, and it suits my personal style. Life’s too short for painful shoes.

High heeled boots or sandles have been my go to rather than court shoes. Recently to weddings I've worn wedge sandles, more comfortable, and taken flat shoes in a gift bag to change into! Just works for me. I never wear highs to work, neither to many colleagues, we're all on our feet all day yet some do. When you really look most women do seem to wear more comfortably shoes/boots, so glad to see it becoming the norm. X

It's not just heels that have been used to subjugate women. Many women defended the footbinding tradition and pain as a cultural practice and the normalised acceptance of damage and pain dominated over sense and reason. Just as with heels today. Although it's good to see the recent decline in heel wearing amongst lots of younger women.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/why-footbinding-persisted-china-millennium-180953971/

People dont put on a posh wedding expecting people to dress casually.

Nobody would turn up to a professional office job interview in shorts and a t shirt because they know theyd be brilliant at the job.

I stand by it, sometimes in life you have to dress to the occasion. Boots arent it. Nice flats, fine. Open shoes in good weather, fine. Heels, fine. Boots, not fine.

And that's coming from someone who pretty much only wears boots, trainers and slippers.

If I put on a ‘posh’ wedding I wouldn’t have any expectation of what people would wear on their feet. I might look askance at beach wear or dirty clothes, but footwear?

OP nothing to do with your question , sorry, but I noticed your user name- fellow Worzel Gummidge fan here ! We’ve been watching all the episodes over and over - fabulous show , that Mackenzie Crook is a genius 😊

I am in the same boat as you OP, mid 40s, never been able to wear a pair of high heels in my life. Glad I’m not alone 😊 x

I wear a grown up type ladies dress trainer, recently bought a couple of semi expensive trainers with rhinestones from tks- I will never wear heels again due to needing a knee replacement! Will wear these to a rock concert I am attending, some women look super fab in DMS, I would just find them too heavy on my legs

This reminds me of a time me and my husband went to a fancy outdoor charity event arranged by his sister in law. I wore a lovely summer dress with wedges . I’m not old ( late 30s ) but his sister in law is about 6 years younger . When I arrived her and her friends were all in lovely dresses … with trainers ( converse , carvella pumps , Valentino trainers etc not like a pair of gym trainers or chunky Nikes ) . After an hour my ankles were killing me .. the event was in a hotel grounds so I went back and changed into my converse and I have never been so comfortable ! I’ve never danced so much ! It was liberating 🤣 I now have some lovely carvella pumps and a pair of Valentino trainers and they are what I wear with dresses when I can get away with it !

Also - my friend always carries a pair of like roll up flats in her bag when we go out . She starts in heels and then before you know it her heels are under the table and she’s whipped out her roll up flats and has them on ! Great idea !

No need to be rude. Not your cup of tea is all you need to say.