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AIBU?

Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

205 replies

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 12/02/2024 20:08

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1614 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
13%
You are NOT being unreasonable
87%
GettingStuffed · 12/02/2024 20:11

If she's prepared to go deaf and pay for repatriation then it's her choice, not a wise one but you've tried.

Heronwatcher · 12/02/2024 20:13

Are you on the cruise with her? If not I think you should point out the risks (sounds like you’ve done that) and let her make her own decision. Does she know she can probably claim on her insurance for a refund on the cruise (or the company may even be happy to reschedule) if she’s got proof that she’s medically unable to fly? If she’s going to fall out with you for just pointing out the bleeding obvious then she’s not a friend and you need to grow a pair (frankly you sound a bit scared of her).

If you’re meant to be going on the cruise, don’t go.

SummaLuvin · 12/02/2024 20:13

"People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right."

presuming she isn't unintelligent she already knows everything you have said, but doesn't want to face up to it, you saying it puts her in the position of inability to reasonably feign ignorance. It might be a bad choice, but it's her bad choice to make.

DinaofCloud9 · 12/02/2024 20:15

I think you were a bit OTT crying about it to her. But I would leave her to it now.

WeAreWarriorsWeAreWarriors · 12/02/2024 20:15

You are, of course, right about her being silly flying against medical advice. Honestly though, telling her she might leave her child without a mother or crying sounds OTT.

OhcantthInkofaname · 12/02/2024 20:18

I would put an end to this "friendship".

Itslegitimatesalvage · 12/02/2024 20:20

Why won’t she postpone though? Her travel insurance will cover any loses as it is a medical condition and doctor’s orders. So what’s the problem? She can enjoy it properly another time. She won’t enjoy it right now with the pain so what is her reasoning for not cancelling?

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2024 20:20

So is she flying to her cruise ship? I think going on about her dying is overkill. However ear infections are likely, so she needs to be prepared for them. As for the brain thing, it's in the form of vertigo.

QueenBitch666 · 12/02/2024 20:22

Her choice. Leave her to it. And find a new friend. Her behaviour is childish

LoveAHamSandwhich · 12/02/2024 20:24

She's got an inner ear condition and she's going on a boat?! "Lisa" is an idiot, in more ways than one.

Leave her to it. You've done your best by trying to explain some of her idiocy to her.

Titsywoo · 12/02/2024 20:27

Not sure how an inner ear condition can affect her brain? She is an adult and can make her own decisions albeit bad ones.

Justfinking · 12/02/2024 20:28

GettingStuffed · 12/02/2024 20:11

If she's prepared to go deaf and pay for repatriation then it's her choice, not a wise one but you've tried.

This. I'd just say you wanted to make sure she knew the risks and sorry that you've upset her and hope she has a great time. I'm sure she'll get over it, of not, no great loss

travelallthetime · 12/02/2024 20:28

Has she even got travel insurance? I half wonder if not if she is being this stupid. Ive seen too many problems with people not having insurance (and if she does then as she is flying against medical advice then her insurance will be invalid), she is very silly

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2024 20:31

Why did you cry? That's weird. Lisa is stupid, clearly. Leave her to it.

hedgehoglurker · 12/02/2024 20:34

Unless she declared this long standing condition when she took out the insurance, and they agreed to cover it, she won't be reimbursed for a medical cancellation relating to it.

It is foolish to risk her life/ health though, if travelling against medical advice.

Coldupnorth7 · 12/02/2024 20:35

She's allowed to make bad decisions.

You're allowed to express concern but that's as far as it goes.

Princesspollyyy · 12/02/2024 20:35

I wouldn't have got so involved. She's an adult and can make her own decisions.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 12/02/2024 20:37

I cry when I get angry sometimes. I am not proud of it but its just the way I am wired up. I was angry because she attributed this to jealousy when after 25 years of friendship she should know me better than that.

I never mentioned her ds to her. Those are my thoughts though. The potential complications from what she had told me are worse than just vertigo. If it was just vertigo I wouldn't be this concerned.

She doesn't have any insurance. She was hoping to take a single trip policy. Which she has done with cruise cover but not declared her health condition. She is determined she is going come hell or high water.

I totally get it is a huge blow that she has been told not to travel though. She has been planning it for a long time

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 12/02/2024 20:38

She’s an adult. The effecting the brain seems a little much, have you just got her word for it this is what the doctor said? Because the fact she’s not worried and that sounds odd could mean it’s a massive exaggeration.

her insurance would pay out to reschedule the holiday if she can’t travel for medical reasons. Getting it rescheduled until after surgery would be easy to do, if it really is the case her doctor would says she’s unable to fly.

take it all with a big pinch of salt.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 12/02/2024 20:39

Oh cross posted that she doesn’t have insurance.

but she could still reschedule, it would be expensive but not impossible to do.

Princesspollyyy · 12/02/2024 20:40

You're not her mother, not being horrid but I think you were way over the top with what you said. It's up to her what she does.

Sidebysws9 · 12/02/2024 20:40

Being friends means you can have different opinions and you don't always see eye to eye. Your friend is wrong to flip on you. I imagine she has paid a lot of money and is going because she can't get a refund?

Its a small thing and you obviously meant well don't fret over it if your friend values you she will make up with you.

MissRheingold · 12/02/2024 20:44

Why is she discussing her medical problems in the first place? If she is going to divulge private conversations with her consultant then she should expect you commenting on it!

It's possible she was over dramatising at the time about her health for whatever reason and now the holiday has come about and she's been caught out and that's why she erupted at you.

After al you would have to be a complete idiot if your consultant advised you not to and you know the pain of suffering with ear problems for a long while and how awful it would be to have a medical episode whilst in the skies or on a crusade ship abroad.

I reckon she's a liar.

PutMyFootIn · 12/02/2024 20:44

I dunno. She'll probably be fine. The consultant will be arse covering. They just say "no" to everything so it doesn't come back on them.

rondo · 12/02/2024 20:45

It’s literally not your problem

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