Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

You did the right thing. Your concience is clear. You would not have been able to live with yourself if you hadn't warned her and the worst had happened..

She is very foolish.

She cannot reschedule as she didn't have valid insurance in place. She only took out the single trip policy after the diagnosis.

She could try and move to a no fly cruise but that will cost money and not be the cruise she wants.

I'm assuming her DH is supporting her decision to go.

You know that she is aware of the risks. You need to step back now and just pray everything goes smoothly.

You’ve done your best, apologise and let her get on with it, fool that she is.

Maybe attempting to reschedule is the best option.

That depends on whether she booked before or after the medical advice, though.

Well it’s hard to have sympathy for her if she doesn’t have insurance.
Are you sure you still want to be friends with her? She sounds like a right ape.

Sorry I reread there and realised that she does have insurance but it’s single trip and she booked it after the diagnosis, meaning it’s invalid. Is that correct?

My mate had something in his ear and it was growing inwards, he had it surgically removed as it was growing in the direction of his brain and if it touched it, the results could have caused damage

Yes. She hasn't declared the ear condition at all. So when the cruise company ask for proof of insurance, she can prove she has a policy. Though it's not worth the paper it's written on. She has always had ear problems but it's only recently she has been advised not to travel and told she needs an op

It sounds as though she might have a cholesteatoma? They actually can cause meningitis, infection can spread from the inner ear to the meninges. The cholesteatoma can also grow into the brain.

I'm sorry your friend behaved how she did because you were speaking as a very long standing caring friend and you're obviously very worried about her.
She's very silly if she continues with this holiday.
I always suffer with my ears when I've flown and it's awful. About five years ago, I had an inner ear infection which caused dreadful problems. I couldn't even walk up the stairs unaided because of the dizziness and nausea. There is no way I'd even consider flying even now because I worry that I'd spend the whole holiday in pain and unable to function.
Lisa is being an idiot.

She could transfer to another cruise that sets off from the UK ports so she doesn't have to fly. But like others say, you said your piece and its up to her to realise her stupidity.

I cannot believe some of the responses. OP, you have done exactly the right thing and you are to be commended. Your friend is putting her health at serious risk and it's lovely you care so much for her. She is not going by road to a European country where she could use the GHIC card to claim back any medical expenses. This Caribbean trip could be very serious as you know.
The best thing would be for your friend to try and see if the cruise can be transferred to another date in future.
I can't believe how difficult it is to obtain travel insurance for an undiagnosed condition let alone anything else. Most travel insurers will not cover you at all even if the undiagnosed condition is excluded, even the more specialist insurers. I think many people don't realise the implications.
I wish you all the best OP and hopefully your friend will see sense and not travel. Do you any other mutual friends who could alao jump in and say the same thing?

Well said @NorthernLady91

I used Insure and Escape for travelling with pre-existing conditions - it's worth checking their website. More expensive than standard insurance but it gave me peace of mind. There's also a comparison website for travellers with health issues - I think I just googled that and the site came up amongst others. You are being a sensible and good friend, btw.

Why?

I treasure my best friends and love them dearly.

Why are we allowed to cry over 'romantic love' but not 'platonic love'? We should start giving friendship love the credit is deserves.

Sorry @DinaofCloud9 - not a dig at you specifically, but people are endlessly saying 'over the top' when we are upset about our closest friends, yet this is often love that has endured for a lifetime.

I'll stop derailing now but it's something that feels more pertinent to me as I get older.

Anyway. OP - you are not wrong. She just doesn't want to hear it. Drop her a text. Tell her you didn't want to upset her - you're just worried and leave it there.

So, in your expert opinion - would she be covered under this hypothetical policy if she’s travelled against medical advice?

Oops quoted wrong thread

100% this.

I also can't believe some people on this thread are saying OP was OTT crying. Are you all really that hard hearted. OP cares about her friend. We're all different, some of us are criers! 🙄

I would leave her to it OP as there is no point in trying to reason with idiots.
I wouldn't be contributing to the inevitable Go Fund Me that will pop up to fund her repatriation and medical bills though.

If you don't declare a previously known condition it invalidates your insurance I think.
I read a story a few months back about a woman who collapsed in the Caribbean on holiday with a condition related to diabetes.the story was her daughter asking for money on a go fund me page for medical bills and or an air ambulance to bring her home to uk. She had travel insurance but had ' forgot ' to tell them she had diabetes. She fully admitted that didn't declare but said that because she collapsed with a heart condition the insurance should pay out.the insurance company refused as the doctor said it was a heart condition related to long standing diabetes.
According to the fundraiser everyone was wrong - the insurance company - the
Doctor - the hospital for charging her for her care ( wouldn't happen with nhs so we must get her home to free care !).
Not sure how much was raised but I suppose the family thought there are gullible idiots out there who will donate money for us.
Stories like this make people more complacent about travelling when they have been advised not to or lying to their insurance company,
Because A. It won't happen to me.
B. If it does then I can set up fundraising sob story and get home and the dear old Nhs which we love to complain about will pick up the cost even if as in your friends case it was the nhs that advised them not to go in the first place.
YANBU- But your friend is - she is probably worried that if she cancelled now she won't get her money back. Many years ago a relative took her grand daughter to Disney World- she came down with an ear infection it cost the family the equivalent of £400 for a drs visit and antibiotics- so I hope your friend is taking extra money to pay that if she needs it on board the cruise.

If she’s normally a reasonable person, I’d wonder whether she was majorly exaggerating her medical condition. You say she’s always had ear problems. Were you actually in the room when the consultant said she couldn’t travel or that her condition could affect her brain?

Maybe she’s defensive because it’s easier than saying she was enjoying the attention you’d given her about her medical condition. Now she can’t back down without showing it’s a lie on how bad things are.

honestly.. you have tried, if she wants to ruin things for her self and then call you out for caring i would just let her go, you no you have done what you needed to do.

hope your ok.

@sandrapinchedmysandwich
I've only read the first page, and apologies if someone has already said this, but.....I'm hoping Lisa is a pseudonym?
Even if it is, there are details in your post that could make you quite identifiable. Just a gentle warning......

I’ll just watch out for her ‘Go Fund Me’ when she can’t afford to get home and then I won’t donate. I never do when it’s something like that because it’s their own bloody fault.

Thank you everyone for your kind (and not so kind) responses. I have collated some of the advice with the hope that she may at least be amenable to making a few calls before she goes. I am hoping to see her after work as we often have tea together on a Tuesday. I am hoping she will accept an apology and some of the suggestions on the thread for possible insurance companies. I don't think she will agree to delaying the cruise or changing it to a Mediterranean cruise as its the Caribbean aspect that is the hook for her.

In answer to some questions. I wasn't in the consultants office with her. She isn't prone to exaggeration though so I believe her. Her dp is aware of the situation I believe but is possibly not the most savvy when it comes to the insurance issue so he probably isn't aware of the seriousness of what she is doing. They own a house together though so perhaps he should be but I am not getting involved with that can of worms. Her ds is staying at home with grandparents.

Lisa is a pseudonym 😊