Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

I think OP was being a good friend warning her friend.

I didn’t know your insurance didn’t cover you if you flew without medical advice.

It’s good OP told her.

Did you even bother to read Op’s posts, Myrtle. She says she didn’t say this to her friend.

So she goes on the cruise, has a serious, (and expensive), health problem. Next thing we know she’s on the front pages begging for funds because her insurance won’t pay.

Good luck op, you're right this is a good message.
You could add in you weren't trying to tell her what to do, it was just that you thought she might not have known and you were trying to be a good friend.

She's defensive because she knows you have a point. But, she's willing to take the chance for her holiday of a lifetime so she doesn't want anyone pointing out to her she might be being foolish.

You've said your piece. She's an adult who will know make up her own mind. You have no control over that. Wish her well on her holiday and tell her you're looking forward to seeing the pictures.

God people on here are fucking weird at times.

@sandrapinchedmysandwich you're quite right. Your friend is a bloody fool who could well find herself 6 or even 7 figures in debt if she has to be medevaced off the ship.

Flying when told not to is patently against medical advice and she's got a preexisting condition she's failing to declare which is quite likely to flare up on this trip.

Ref ear infections, my DN got an ear infection from swimming in brand new a cruise ship pool while in the Caribbean last year and he's a healthy 7yo!

You're absolutely right and she knows it which is why she's being shitty and defensive.

I agree with sending her the placating message but I'd think a lot less of her for this whole thing and taking it out on you.

Ref the brain thing, inner ear issues can cause huge problems with the brain, my DH just had surgery on his inner ear because if he didn’t, he was risking brain corrosion.

I'm not sure why so many posters are saying 'why are you so invested, its weird/it's not your problem/keep your beak out'

The OP has been best friends with this person for years. They clearly have shared information with each other over the years about themselves, including medical information. If you share info with someone (especially a best friend) then you are allowed to form an opinion and/or have concerns.

I imagine your friend is just going through a stubborn 'bury my head in the sand' moment regarding their medical situation and just didn't want to hear the truth, so they lashed out a bit.

Give her time to cool down, apologise for over stepping (in case she feels you have) and tell her you are just worried about her health and well being. I'm sure she will come round eventually. Some people just need to simmer for a bit.

She probably just said the selfish thing out of anger and was not willing to be 'proven wrong'.

I would've done the same as you and pointed out the problems with the trip

This.

The number of people on this thread who seem to think it’ll be fine and that other countries will ‘of course’ treat people with no money behind them is astounding.

I also know insurance and the considerations insurers use to deny claims. She’s playing a dangerous game. Just a MedEvac can be hundreds of thousands depending on how ill you are and how far you have to go.

Does your friend understand the air pressure in plane cabin. Anyone with ear conditions will tell you the the condition is exacerbated by the pressure.

All you can do is warn her. Leave her to it. She is an adult, and can make her own mistakes. I wouldn't fall out with her over it. If you haven't spoken since then, just message saying, I hope you're alright?

She'd be crazy to go even with full insurance. Some family friends of mine fell ill on a cruise --not a pre-existing problem, needed evacuation to shore, an operation, and medical assistance to get back home. They were insured, but still had to pay eighty thousand pounds of the costs up front, and it took a few months get it all claimed back.

This is how I see it. She’s off on a trip of a lifetime and you’re trying to pour cold water on it. She probs thinks you’re jealous. She may have booked a holiday you can’t afford. Either way it all sounds competitive

Erm yes. Most of the Caribbean (the world actually) will require you to pay or have your insurance company agree to pay up front. They might stick you on a trolley, maybe give you an IV of saline if you're lucky, but if you can't pay up you're not getting scans, antibiotics or high end painkillers.

Valid travel insurance for health and repatriation on death should be obligatory and checked on leaving the country you live in IMO.

It's a silly risk to take anytime but especially when you've got young children to think about.

Crazy!

Haven’t RTFT, but depending on the cruise company, I would be persuading her to ask them if she can rebook on a Mediterranean cruise that leaves from a UK port (no flying)
They might do it for an admin fee perhaps?

No cure for stupid and I couldn't be friends with someone so lacking in common sense. If she wants to fall out with you for expressing concern then she's even more of an idiot than she seems from your posts.

No person that is willing to risk their own health for a cruise, or willing to risk leaving their child with only one living parent, is worth your tears

Have you actually read the thread? 🙄

I totally agree with this

I hope you can get her to at least try this, and also calling the cruise company to try to reschedule! I think that because it's not just a pre-existing condition she's alerting them to, but a pre-existing condition that means she is advised against travel, what the PP suggested is unlikely to work.

OP you're a good friend and if she's at all reasonable she'll forgive you.

(Also, baffled by the PP who think you can do a no-fly 3-week cruise from the UK to the Caribbean?!)

Your friend is being ridiculous going when medical advice is not to go - or she may die (is that what she said). You have done the right thing being concerned about her, but you need to step back now and maybe she will have thought on and can postpone and/or cancel.
I assume it’s something more serious than Menieres as that’s not contraindicated against flying or travel. It’s a pain, but not life threatening in any way.

I’ll be honest. If one of my friends was lecturing me about my travel insurance and my health like that, and then cried when I told them to mind their own business, I would think they’d gone a bit mad.

I imagine she got so angry with you precisely because of your background and knowledge OP. A warning of 'this could be really bad, please reflect' from someone informed and cautious should be taken far more seriously, and she knows that, so she is angry at you for reducing her capacity to ignore reality.

If/when she does get really ill, please don't offer help/sympathy because sadly I anticipate that she will be absolutely furious with you for being right.

Then hopefully the friend won’t be calling the OP and begging for her life savings when if it all goes tits up because she gets sick and the insurers won’t pay.