Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

That is, of course, IF she is flying.

Well you're more bothered about this than she is. And you're clearly just as stubborn as she is.

She refuses to listen to reason that it's really dumb and selfish to go on a cruise with her medical condition.

Youre unwilling to listen to everyone's wise advice on here that there's nothing you can do to stop another grown adult being stupid.

Your friend called you selfish and jeslous when you were concerned for her well being. Plus she keeps grudges. She is not a keeper.

She should apologise to you.

What wise advice people have given ber? She was called selfish and jealous when she was being caring towards her friend.

Why OP is stubborn? Should she say yes it was none of my business - that would satisfy you?

Well you’ve given her your thoughts, you’re not unreasonable telling her - people are always saying on here to speak to people etc so not sure why people think it’s not your business. It is. And I’d tell a good friend of mine exactly the same. I get she’s disappointed but she would really rather risk serious illness or worse for a cruise that can be delayed until she’s feeling better?

Sadly I’d say it’s not your business but I would say a friend flew against medical advice for similar reasons and it caused life changing (quality of life) and permanent damage.

It's up to her OP. Her decision; her risk. If I was her, I'd accept a friend expressing concern once but would expect them to leave it after that, however daft they thought I was. She may feel a bit 'gone on' at by you, especially if you've ramped it up emotionally with stuff about leaving her child behind etc.
She probably already feels uncomfortable about her decision, hence the strong reaction to your opinion. But she needs to work it out for herself; you've said your piece now. I'd try sending a conciliatory message, and certainly wouldn't be wanting to end a longstanding friendship over this unless she carries on not speaking to you.

Friends don't like being judged so I think it's understandable she's unhappy with you, though you were well intentioned.

I would write her a letter or long email, explaining that you're sorry you upset her and were just worried about her but appreciate it's her decision at the end of the day and you genuinely hope she has an amazing holiday and look forward to seeing the photos.

Is she going with a partner and her son?

I know a youngish man who died without warning on a Disney holiday with his extended family, and it was horrendous for the children.

I think you have created a situation where you have infantilised her. She is a grown woman of forty, she knows the risks. It sounds like you have got way too involved. It’s not your job to tell her what to do op..

I would have simply asked if her medical insurance covers her now, and maybe suggested specialised cover at the very most. You sound way too involved, I would hate this kind of friendship..

those are repositioning cruises where you sail one way and fly the other, only certain times.of the year & you always fly one way as the ship stays where it is.
In Oct for example, you sail form Southampton to the Caribbean, then fly home after a few stops because the ship stays there for the winter.
Then in reverse in about March.
So even if lisa is on a repositioning cruise she's flying one way

this

Bullshit. There are quite a lot of cruise companies that offer ‘no flight cruises’ from Southampton to the Caribbean and they are a return journey. They are called no flight cruises because you do not need a flight there or back home. I know this because I have been looking at different cruise packages and considering going on one.

Here is a copy and paste from P&O’s FAQ.

No-fly cruise FAQs

Can you go on a cruise without flying? Yes, we sail to lots of places straight from Southampton, where your ship will return to at the end of your holiday.

What is a no-fly cruise?A no-fly cruise is a holiday that starts and ends on your ship in Southampton. If flying isn’t for you, you can embark at one of the cruise terminals in Southampton before you set sail and disembark in the same place at the end of your holiday.

I said flaming cruise because if anything goes wrong she will be miles out to sea so can't just nip to the local hospital. It could be a helicopter jobby if she is really unwell. That's what I meant. It's the worst type of holiday to be on without insurance cover and many cruise companies won't let you board without showing your insurance certificate. So, no not jealousy at all.

I think you've done all you can as a good friend. You don't come over as jealous, I don't think. It's so sad but I hope she comes to her senses. When is she due to go? Surely she could get a refund with her insurance and rebook?

I also used to sell travel insurance. Albeit a long time ago. When I was doing this you couldn't get cover if you were travelling against medical advice as this meant the likelihood of something going wrong was significantly higher. However, if this is something you can do now I will suggest it if she will listen. I suspect the premium will be very very high which may put her off though as her existing policy had cost a lot more than usual because of the cruise cover element and prior to our argument she was complaining that it was too high.

She flies first then cruises. It's the flying element that is the most concerning to her consultant. The cruise element is still a risk insofar that if anything goes wrong at sea, the costs are so much higher than being on land so hugely costly if she has no cover

I had a middle ear infection on holiday in France as a teenager; it was a BLOODY NIGHTMARE and ruined my holiday (and my parents’ to a certain extent!) visit to a doctor for antibiotics (fortunately she spoke English!), pain for practically the whole fortnight. Awful. I have had problems with my ears since a little child (thankfully corrected now I’m an adult) and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Your friend’s ear problem sounds like it’s much more serious. I understand it’s disappointing but I wasn’t even cruising and it was inconvenient and painful enough. Your friend is really silly not to listen and even to consider going as the risks seem huge.

BUT she’s in a bit of a shit situation so sometimes you need to assess the situation and do more “kid gloves” handling. Maybe you weighed in with “here’s what you should do” rather than “poor you what a disappointing nightmare for you, so sorry to hear it, worried about what you out there and what might happen with your ear - have you considered options?” Like tying to guide her to come to her own realisation (though unlikely she would have done so by the sounds of it!)

Your advice is 100% sensible and well meant OP but I would apologise as I bet deep down she knows you’re right and that’s even more annoying somehow as it doesn’t do anything to remedy the fix she’s found herself in.

Seriously? I am not going myself. She is going with her dp. And insurance is everything when you are ill in the Caribbean. The costs are HUGE and more so if you are at sea

Well any insurance she tries to take out now, won’t cover the condition she needs covered. It will cost her thousands if she needs medical help. If she won’t take the advice from her consultant, she certainly won’t listen to a friend. It’s her life let her get on with it.

Yes I know insurance. It used to be my field of work albeit a long time ago. And yes, many countries will refuse to treat you until your insurance company confirm the costs will be paid. Scary when you do have insurance. Now imagine you don't

I have already said I am going to apologise to her today. Do I regret saying something in the first place though? No. She may not have realised so the outcome could have been different

She is big and grown up and quite capable of making possible life changing decisions (medical and financial). On her head be it, you have done your best. Leave her to any consequences and walk away.

And again. I didn't say this to her. They were my private thoughts

You’re a good friend who has aired her legitimate concerns to her friend.
Lisa is a silly friend who has got her priorities all wrong: a holiday that can be potentially rearranged versus potential serious illness and the impact on her daughter. It’s a no brainer.