Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

Would a consultant say you're "forbidden from flying" or just not recommend it/suggest it might be painful? I remember having an inner ear infection and then burst the ear drum about a week before I was due to fly. The first doctor was "Oo, no, it will be too painful". I went for a second opinion a few days before and the older GP was "You only live once" and told to go and enjoy myself. As it happened, the burst ear drum meant I had no air pressure pain.

Calling you jealous is really spiteful behaviour. A consultant has told her not to do it and she’s wilfully ignoring them and you so it’s entirely on her if she goes deaf etc. Leave her to it.

You sound way too invested in this

I think the problem is travelling against medical advice. They can't forbid people to do anything I think but if the recommendation is no then insurance won't cover that person

I think this too - she knows you are right and doesn't want to accept it.

So, she's got a single trip insurance policy and hasn't told the insurer that she has a pre-existing condition?

Why doesn't she just call them now and ask them to add it to her policy? Might have to pay an additional premium but probably worth the cost for peace of mind.

It sounds like you're being very OTT about the whole thing. Everyone has their own perception of risk. She might have a great holiday with no problems at all. She might end up in hospital. But it's HER decision to take that risk.

I'm not surprised she got annoyed. You're telling her something she already knows, she's made a decision that she's comfortable with, and you're telling her she might die!

She can just bring antibiotics. If untreated it can spread to the brain. She should not swim. She can go and she will probably be ok, but it is unwise. So she has not got insurance yet?? That’s why she is determined to go, as she cannot claim for cancellation now. She needs to get insurance and have an accidental fall, then she can cancel, but of course that would be

dishonest…

You've done nothing wrong by voicing your concerns. Lisa is being completely unreasonable.

Flying against consultant advice, in between surgeries on a delicate part of the anatomy close to the brain. Going on a Carribean cruise (so many delightful infectious tropical diseases to choose from!), with insufficient insurance, having neglected to inform the insurer of her true situation. What could go wrong?!

She is being completely unreasonable, and reckless. Speaking up about it is what a good friend would do. She would have to come out of her denial to see that you were not just, as she prefers to see it now, raining on her parade.

Read my previous posts. I never said she is going to die on holiday to her face. But unfortunately she is uninsurable right now as she is travelling against medical advice. Which means she may be refused treatment if she can't fund it herself there and then. People have been left critically ill in other countries when they can't prove their insurance so of course I am worried for her.

It isn't a matter of paying extra on her single trip cover. It won't be covered at all right now.

She has only just got a single trip policy. So no cancellation cover at all for the ear problem. The antibiotics is a good idea though. I might see if she will listen to this suggestion if she accepts my apology tomorrow. I suspect she will definitely swim though

Are you a medical expert? Sounds like you have no idea what you’re talking about.

Leave her to it.🤷‍♀️

Thank you

Just be prepared for her to fall out with you again if she goes, needs treatment and you decline to contribute for the inevitable GoFundMe/begging post....
Some people just can't be helped....

If a medical specialist advises someone against flying, I would listen to them, rather than a bunch of randomers on a chat forum.
You told her to listen but she chose not to.
That's on her now and if she hasn't disclosed it to the insurance company they won't cough up.
It's hard enough sometimes getting them to cough up for actual genuine cases

As for the brain thing, it's in the form of vertigo.

What?

You tried. I'd leave her to it.

What an awful situation. I really am very sorry for your loss

Lisa is not a child she can make her own decisions.

If the plane has to divert, she could be charged hundreds of thousands, which would not be covered as she has no valid insurance.

Sorry OP but I can't help thinking, due to the way you worded your original post, that your friend may be right about you being jealous. You said 'And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise ....' the word 'flaming' says a lot to me, as in, it makes you sound jealous, as most people would have just said 'And factoring in that she will be on a cruise ....' which to me, reads totally differently. It's little nuances in the way you say things that give it away if you are having an attack of the green eyed monster.

It isn't a matter of paying extra on her single trip cover. It won't be covered at all right now.

You're entirely missing my point. She has a policy which currently wont insure her if she falls ill abroad as a result of her pre-existing ear condition.

But it's not too late before she departs to call the insurer, advise them of her ear issue and ask if they'll cover it for an additional premium. How do you think old people with serious health issues get insured to go abroad? They pay a higher premium for the increased risk.

She won't be able to claim to cancel the trip, as (I assume) she had the condition when she booked the trip and purchased the policy. But at least she'll have cover if she needs medical treatment abroad.

But what do I know? I only worked in travel insurance for a decade...

You have told her a few home truths and she doesn't like it. Leave her be.

I think you overstepped.

The insurance thing is a bit of a red herring. Even if she has it she’d need to pay cash upfront.

I think the real reason she got angry with you is because instead of saying “oh shit, that sucks! What are your options?” you started lecturing her. Honestly that would piss me right off. She’s a grown woman who is worried that her once in a lifetime trip is going to be ruined and instead of her best friend commiserating with her she’s being told off by nancy-know-it-all.

No you can say it all came from a place of concern… but doesn’t make it any better in her mind.