Best friend fallen out with me over her holiday. wibu?

[sandrapinchedmysandwich]

Best friend "Lisa" turns 40 this year and has booked a Caribbean cruise as a once in a lifetime holiday. She goes in 3 weeks.

She has had inner ear problems for a long time, had an unsuccessful op a few months ago and is currently awaiting more surgery. Her consultant has forbidden her from flying as the condition has worsened and could affect her brain.

She is refusing to cancel the holiday and wouldnt listen when I tried to tell her that any insurance policy will be invalid if she is travelling against medical advice. And factoring in that she will be on a flaming cruise means any claim could cost hundreds of thousands or worse case she could be refused life saving treatment leaving behind her 9 year old ds

She flipped earlier calling me selfish and saying I am jealous. I admit I cried a bit and said I was just worried. And now she isn't speaking to me.

She is usually so sensible. I thought she might not have realised but she has known all along and is still taking the risk.

Should I have not said anything? Lisa can hold a grudge so this may be it for our longstanding friendship and its very sad.

Honestly you have done your best op. She knows that she is taking a risk. She wanted you to say that she is doing the right thing and is angry that you didn't. Sounds like she feels she cannot cancel as she doesn't have Insurance.

I don't know how to break this to you, but there is more than one cruise company operating in this country. And the only person who mentioned Southampton is you. The OP hasn't said where her friend is flying from.

If I were in your position I'd be infuriated. Your friend's decision is extremely reckless.

A few months before he died, DH, I and his three children went to Crete for a last holiday. With his terminal diagnosis we needed specialist insurance. One of the reasons we were able to get it was that his medical team agreed that he was fit to travel. The insurance company needed access to his records to satisfy them .

Without this I'd be very surprised if your friend will be able to obtain valid travel insurance. I would be worried sick about a very close friend taking such a preposterous risk.

Given that she has no cover, she will not be covered to change the dates of the holiday though the travel company may be amenable. But as pp have said there's nothing more that you can do. Just hope no disaster occurs.

If she is travelling against medical advice her travel insurance won't cover her for any medical problem whatsoever, even unrelated to her ear problem, it will completely invalidate the whole policy.
You've done the right thing OP and it's up to her now.

You sound way way over invested in this situation op. It has precisely nothing to do with you. In your friends place, I’d be annoyed by your alarmist, dramatic interference too.

I personally call it caring and realistic. But you do you

I am so glad you were able to get cover for your late dh. That holiday must have meant the absolute world to all of you

@sandrapinchedmysandwich sorry Op I misread your post too.

I do actually think it was sensible to point out she’ll be stuffed if anything happens.
Stay matter of fact when you see her later. You are right that they could lose the house over a medical bill.
Head over heart. Her heart is set on going so emotional arguments are unlikely to work. There’s no guarantee shes’ll have brain damage or a stroke for example. Stick to the facts that she’s not covered at all. Even needing a few stitches on or seeing the ships doctor for a few tablets cost a fortune.

I don't think you were unreasonable to mention your concerns, OP, and I hope your friend will see that too.

Your friend's DP may not know much about insurance, but it seems extraordinary that he thinks it's ok for the person he loves to get on a plane against medical advice. I appreciate that under the circumstances you don't want to bring this up, though!

I know she wants to go on the cruise for her fortieth birthday, but wouldn't it make more sense just to have waited until she was better (post op probably) and could enjoy it more? I wouldn't want a much desired holiday tarnished with a medical condition and the worry about insurance, even if it meant not being able to do it exactly when I wanted. I do think she's being very daft about the whole thing.

Hopefully she'll see you were just concerned and let it go

Thank you. Yes thats exactly it. She won't be covered for anything at all big or small. I really do understand how she feels. I also did a big once in a lifetime holiday - a safari - a few years ago. I had been wanting to do it since I was a child and would have been absolutely gutted to be in her position. Though I would have been riddled with anxiety the while time had I done what she intends to do.

I hope she is feeling more reasonable later and that we can get our heads together to find a solution. That is if she doesn't throw bread rolls at my head from an upstairs window and refuses to let me in 😅

I agree.

I would also tell her that she was extremely rude as you only tried to give her advice as any good friend would do. Don't apologise for being shouted at! She's not forced to follow it FGS!

Yeah these are a thing, but the cruise usually lasts around 4 weeks if it's going to depart from Southampton, reach the Caribbean and return to Southampton. It takes around 6 days to reach the Caribbean by cruise ship. Not everyone who wishes to visit the Caribbean can afford to cruise for a month.

Honestly, op I think if you are going in with the attitude of getting your heads together and coming up with a solution then you are just going to enrage your friend more. She is allowed to make decisions for herself no matter how stupid they are.

It is not your place to get involved in the decision.

Yes there is sadly still this risk. I will definitely need to play it by ear

"I will definitely need to play it by ear"

If she is then why shouldn't you?!

Sorry, couldn't resist.....

Probably not the best choice of words there. She's basically told to to stay out of it. I think you have a real risk of losing the friendship if you havent already. If something happens on this trip please don't I told you so. It's her life. Her choice and her consequences

I hope she is feeling more reasonable later and that we can get our heads together to find a solution.

Nothing* *more you can do. Do not get your heads together. It's her business. She's not well. She has been given the advice from her doctor. She has lied on her insurance. She knows the risks and has decided to carry on regardless.

Its a good point SlightlyJaded. I love my mates a lot but I'm not a crier so it did seem too over the top to me.

None of my friends are the type to cry if I was the ops mate either. They would be more likely to shake me and tell me I'm a bloody idiot.

But I do get that some people are more emotional.

She'll be one of those knobs doing a Go Fund Me to cover her medical bills 🙄

It begs the question why is her DP not taking it more seriously. It seems like you're doing the heavy lifting of trying to get her to see reason. Is her DP just passively accepting her decision?

Sometimes it's time to let go and walk away. Not from her friendship, but from the situation. Let her take her adult decision. Let her live through whatever consequences result from her decision. Maybe everything will be fine, either way she is doing what most do, taking a risk.

OP you have done all you can do.

Don’t get sucked into organising the crowdfunding if the worst happens.

So you are only going by what she told you. In all likelihood, she exaggerated what she was told.

I have a condition that means flying is a bit of an unknown. There are 5 of us in the family with it. 3 are flying without any concern as we've never had issues in the past (diagnosed years after). One will only fly in an emergency. One has been told that she absolutely can't fly because she is more prone to issues.

Maybe the consultant said it wasn't recommended but that she should be ok on this occasion.

Honestly, who would be crazy enough to go on a holiday when you doing so puts you at very high risk of serious complications when you are otherwise young and healthy and have a young child, and even their partner is supporting it. It can't be as bad as you are making it out to be.

I have just got back from Lisa's. It was a kind of stilted evening sadly. She didn't want to talk about the holiday and I didn't push it. So it looks like she is going away uninsured unfortunately. I hope and pray she doesn't need any medical treatment while she is away and especially not while on the boat

Well, it's good that you went to see your friend - she didn't fling you out, so she clearly has calmed down to an extent. It does sound like all you can do is cross fingers and hope re her health though.

Don't text her after the flight to see how it's going, if defensive then she will take it badly.