Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

[StonyMum]

So yesterday I had a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) under general anaesthetic. Today I’m feeling fairly rubbish, having trouble getting in and out of bed, in quite a lot of pain and am vomiting (which is agony with my wounds)…
Husband was working from home but then at lunchtime said he was taking the afternoon and tomorrow off work so he could go up to Liverpool for a night out with his mate. It’s 2 hours drive away and he’s staying over…
He doesn’t get to see his friend often. He asked if I minded, and I was so shocked he was even considering it that I said it was fine… but I’ve been lying here alone all evening now and getting quite upset. I feel really abandoned and vulnerable. He made sure I had a drink and some snacks in reach before he left, but I still had to navigate getting downstairs to let the dog out for a wee and crawl back up again… the kids are both away at uni.
AIBU? Or is this grounds for divorce?!

It would be the end of the marriage for me.

You didn't discuss what your post-surgery needs would be before you went in for the operation?

Why did you say it was fine??

He asked if you minded and you said it was fine.
You can't have it both ways.

That is bloody awful. You shouldn’t really be vomiting though- I would call NHS24

Firstly, I sympathise wholeheartedly, I was so sore and sick after my gallbladder removal!

I cannot believe he's leaving you to it so soon after. That's really awful.

YANBU tell him you weren’t thinking straight due to the effects of the anaesthetic and you can’t get downstairs to deal with the dog.

I hope you fell better very soon.

He asked you and you said fine..

He’s a selfish pig

Sorry, I misread! He left you alone one day after surgery to go on a jolly! That's dreadful. I'd be seriously considering the marriage, tbh.

He's being a knob, but you said it was fine (rather than the more appropriate incredulous laugh and 'are you fucking kidding me') so I'm in two minds.

Should he be going? Absolutely not, should you have told him it's ok? Absolutely not

But why on God's earth did you say it was fine OP?!

And why do so many posters do this whole 'he should know' act too?! OP is an adult, she should flipping well say when she is not happy about something!!!!!

OP shouldn’t have needed to discuss that!It should be obvious to her husband that she would need care on discharge from hospital!

Another selfish man,what a surprise.! Leaving her alone with a dog to look after.I wouldn’t have said that I didn’t mind though,big mistake.

Absolutely YANBU!! I had surgery on Wednesday and one of the conditions to being allowed home was having someone there to look after me, did the hospital not ask you this? I gave my DP a glare for suggesting he go for a haircut today while he was meant to be supporting me nevermind an overnight trip and a night out! This is shocking, my procedure was minor but I still can’t bend over, lift things or move comfortably and am constantly worrying about my wounds so can only imagine you feel 😩

That's a really selfish thoughtless and hurtful thing to do to you when you are so poorly . Having had a few surgeries myself, I now realise how lucky I was that my husband booked days off work to care for me . Does he always put himself first ? Sorry you are feeling crappy and being left alone to deal with it all

He's got some gall(bladder). 🤣

Wa as it keyhole or open? I don't think you should be feeling like that adter keyhole surgery.i had mine removed as a daycare and was only sleepy afterwards, no pain or illness??

There might be other stuff going on here that you haven’t mentioned, in which case, take this with a pinch of salt:

While I think someone with grown up kids in uni ought to know that GA surgery requires aftercare, I don’t think it’s grounds for divorce if they don’t. He didn’t go running off, he checked in with you and you said it was fine.

Not being honest and straightforward about your needs leads to a lot of heart ache in a relationship. Expecting someone to just know if they have no experience is not great, expecting them to see through you lying and telling them you’re fine when you aren’t is a bit unreasonable. And if it was an instinctive reaction because you were in shock, that suggests you fell back on habit and are generally not honest about your needs in your relationship.

He asked and you told him it was fine?

When he asked, that was the time to say no, I need you here.

Hope your feeling better quickly

This is awful what he's done. I had to Google what is involved and tbh I'm quite shocked that he has left you alone so soon.

I'm assuming because you had the surgery he was well aware of the side effects and what is involved in recovery.

This isn't right....he should be home minding you, leaving a drink and snacks is something you do when popping out for a few hours and leaving a dog. He really should be there ensuring that you're ok , you shouldn't be going up and down stairs for the dog.

I actually think this is fine. He'd be bored at home with me being sick, and plenty of single people have this surgery

OP, he should have the wit to know that you might be feeling vulnerable right now & it's not the time to abandon you or request you to agree to him abandoning you. Would be less bad if it was just you but to leave you responsible for the dog is crappy.

Hope you're feeling better soon 💐

My DH wouldn't have done that - he'd have been too worried about the dog😉

Get well soon OP.

Grounds for divorce.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. He's a twat.

However, you definitely shouldn't have said it was fine.