Day after surgery and DH goes out with his mates- I’m fuming! AIBU?

[StonyMum]

So yesterday I had a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) under general anaesthetic. Today I’m feeling fairly rubbish, having trouble getting in and out of bed, in quite a lot of pain and am vomiting (which is agony with my wounds)…
Husband was working from home but then at lunchtime said he was taking the afternoon and tomorrow off work so he could go up to Liverpool for a night out with his mate. It’s 2 hours drive away and he’s staying over…
He doesn’t get to see his friend often. He asked if I minded, and I was so shocked he was even considering it that I said it was fine… but I’ve been lying here alone all evening now and getting quite upset. I feel really abandoned and vulnerable. He made sure I had a drink and some snacks in reach before he left, but I still had to navigate getting downstairs to let the dog out for a wee and crawl back up again… the kids are both away at uni.
AIBU? Or is this grounds for divorce?!

I never said I was going to go home alone - where have people got this idea from??? As I live a good hour away I will also not be travelling by taxi.

As there is literally no-one to stay with me I will have to cope. What else do you suggest I do?

Incidentally, a man I used to work with had his out and went to work the next day!! Obviously he didn't stay long, but it seems some people can get out of bed.

That is absolutely shocking be would even consider it tbh.

On one hand I think oh he shouldn’t have left, but on the other, it was key hole, you can get up and down , just slowly, and he asked your permission and you said it was fine. And now you’re pissed off with him.

Why are people telling op it's her fault for saying it was fine?! He shouldn't have even been thinking about it or asking. She's throwing up for gods sake. I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who pulled this shit.

I can only speak for myself

Yep.

Yep she did. But come on…he doesn’t care much does he? Or he wouldn’t have suggested going in the first place.

Yes they do. And the hospital won’t discharge them unless they have a competent adult at home for at last the first 24 hours, even after minor surgery under a GA.

It’s not about marital status , it’s about having someone to care for you.

Also it’s not women’s work to entertain men 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Should he have gone out? No.

But I said it was fine Be angry at yourself for agreeing.

Twat.

The word you needed was "no".

I don't agree on over dependence on partners. But I think this is totally unacceptable and mean. Absolutely not on.

Utterly thoughtless selfish shitty thing to do. And you only said yes while still under the influence of a lot of drugs still in your system.

Post surgery patients should not be left alone so soon - so many possible complications.

Adverse anaesthetic reactions, post op infection, falls, burst stitches ... So much could have happened.

Is your mum, or better, his mum still with us? Could they stick a rocket up his selfish arse and tell him to come home and do the in sickness and in health bit?

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/having-surgery/afterwards/

He's a cunt, OP.

He is being unreasonable to leave the dog with you to deal with. Has he organised someone to look after the dog?

I'm surprised at how many people are blaming you for saying it was OK.

Hope you feel better soon. He obviously isn't prioritising your wellbeing.

the usual conditions for day case discharge are that you have someone to look after you for at least 24 hours post op. If that's not possible then an overnight stay would be arranged. Occasionally gallbladders turn into an overnight stay for surgical reasons too so you do need to have a plan for the cat's care even if it's planned as day case.

My exH decided to go on 5 day boys trip the day after our son was born telling "I can not go if u need me" while standing with a packed bag in the doorway. It was a huge alarm bell for me, followed by few similarly exciting ones in the 1st 3 months of our son's life. Hence an "ex-".

Right back attcha

I really feel for you. It's miserable recovering on your own. He should have put you first instead of himself. Is that a common thing?

If your DH was so keen to see his friend, it would have made much more sense in the circumstances to ask the friend to come from Liverpool to visit him rather than the other way round.

Well, he’s a dick for even asking but given your options were is this reasonable, or grounds for divorce I had to say you’re unreasonable.

of course it’s not reasonable, he asked and you told him he could go.

I don't think he cares much about you - either not enough to decide himself for your sake that you need help and support post-op, or that he'd resent being 'forced' to stay at home.

Either way, you don't seem to be a priority for him, do you?

It's plainly there in the wedding vows that you look after each other in sickness and health!

I think the point is he shouldn't have even asked. And when someone asks 'do you mind if I abandon you when you're vulnerable and in pain' it can be a bit of a shock. I am quite good at asking for things I want and need in my relationship but there are some things that you shouldn't have to ask for because they should be freely given and if you've had to ask someone to act like they care about you, it doesn't mean that they care about you, they are just acting like they care because you asked...so the damage has already been done

YABU

I’m not sure what help you need off him.
It would be different if he needed to help you walk places or go to the toilet.

After surgery it’s important to rest but it’s also important to move about and do things for yourself every now and then.

But if you felt you did need help or just support, then you shouldn’t have told him to go.

You’re annoyed that you said for him to do something and he did it, which is very unfair.

I hope you feel better soon.

This is your mistake .Don't ever do this again .Just because you're out if hospital it's significant surgery which is going to take time to heal from .More if you're daft about recovery.
Hope you're OK and nothing wrong with giving someone or him a phone and get some help

100% the same - it was a very simple operation for me and I wasn’t incapacitated after.

I’m a single parent and my kids were much younger, I managed alone - the recovery was easy.

sorry OP but I think you’re being a drama queen