I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

I just wondered if I'm giving off some sort of wrong impression. As I say, I can be quite shy initially. Some of the men in question were single for years on end.

Some friends would say 'What did you see in him? He's really unattractive ' which I felt was mean, and I'd really fallen for these men.

We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women.

They're probably more visually stimulated overall (which is not to say women aren't) but that doesn't necessarily equate to needing a supermodel; they're probably less requiring overall than women. I'm sure being beautiful is an advantage (I'm plain so I'm guessing) but it isn't a guarantee of anything. Most men are happy with a nice enough looking woman. When I think of all the time I've known a man to become obsessive or just love very deeply, it's never been because she was the most beautiful woman he knew or even that he could get.

I appreciate your reply, thank you.
I don't know what it is, because when I look back at these men now years later, once again I do not find them appealing or attractive at all, not that they care I'm sure.
I've recently been turned down by someone I fell for, sometimes I couldn't find him physically attractive, other times I did, but I was so drawn to him and I'm still upset.

When I was younger I used to get rejected by guys all the time. I was slimmer, prettier, cuter than I am now. When I got older, put on weight, wore less makeup and made less effort, suddenly I was getting asked out all the time by random men everywhere. Now that I’m kind of middle aged and podgy looking, with a long term relationship and a toddler, I get way more attention from men than when I was young and beautiful. Maybe a lot of men like women who are unavailable and aren’t trying.

At your age, many men will prefer a younger women in her 20s. I'm 38 and going out with a 27 year old. I find my partner attractive but if I was dating women in their 30s I could go out with conventionally "attractive" women. If a man like you in his 30s is attractive, and has his life together with a decent job, he can easily date a women in their 20s, so many would rule out dating someone that will be in their 40s before too long. It's a taboo subject but for most men, younger is better, even if men won't admit it to women.

It sounds like they just didn't click with you, it happens. It kind of sounds like you think less attractive men should be flattered and grateful that you took and interest in them but at the end of the day no matter how attractive you find someone a life with someone you don't click with isn't going to be a happy one.

You're sounding like you believe these "less attractive " men are punching above their weight. My husband is bald has a mud life spread but to me he's the most beautiful person. Looks fade, if these men perceive you don't find them attractive then of course they won't be interested in you. The more you get to know someone and click the more attractive they become to you. If your shallow enough to believe its all about looks then you'll struggle to meet someone who's to say a man you perceived to be good looking will feel the same about you. Sorry not sorry for calling it a I see it.

No I really don't think it's all about looks, and you know what sadly it may be an age thing. The last guy I liked was 30, he probably wanted someone in their 20s even though I'm only 32.

@ShireRed I agree with you. It's sad but true - I don't know many men that would reject a woman in her 20s at least before they hit 40 themselves

Hmmm what are you like otherwise OP?

what do you do for a job, how successful are you?

do you seek male attention and approval?

a lot of men haven’t done that much in the way of self examination or knowledge.

they are often drawn to and fall for middle of the road women who are:

• attractive but not stunningly beautiful
• easy to talk to but not too witty clever or funny
• seeking of their attention and approval

its these types of women that are always in a relationship.

real connections where it’s a man that actually wants to /gets to know you and like and then fall for you - rather than have their ego massaged by someone who morphs to their needs and interests- are fairly rare in my experience.

I’ve only had three real connections like that, perhaps a couple of others that I overlooked when I was younger and found these dynamics harder to read.

like you I’m attractive and had plenty of male attention and pursuit.

I’m also clever and professionally successful and most of them couldn’t handle the idea that I might surpass them.

I just feel unlucky that I didn't happen to click with all these men. I mean with all but 1 we were seeing each other and slept together, so we must've clicked to some extent. They just didn't get those romantic feelings.

My Mum even thought the 30 year old was too young and that maybe I should be dating a bit older? I've never dated older, I always date my age or up to about 3 years younger, maybe I'm going wrong there?

Maybe it is, but with these guys we always get on really well, they said they were attracted but they didn't get that romantic feeling for whatever reason. I do approach them, I'm usually the one who does the approaching.

There are lots of people I find physically attractive, but that doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them.

What makes you say all these men are less attractive than you, anyway?

I wonder if they are put off because they think other men will after you all the time and they won't trust you. I had a stunningly beautiful friend at university with one hell of a figure and she said men wanted to sleep with her but didn't want to date her. It makes me think of the line that I'm going to badly misquote from the beginning of legally blonde: when the guy dumps her and says something about how to succeed in life you can date a Marilyn but you marry a Jackie.

I'm pretty average looking and fairly forgettable looks wise. I've made up for this though by developing other skills. I like to think I'm naturally quick witted and seem to easily make people laugh without resorting to unkindness. I also have developed skills to remember people and things about them as well as genuinely being interested in what people are talking about. I also try and have a general understanding of what is happening in the world today so am able to chat to people about different topics. For some unknown reason people like to be around me and I can hold my own amongst the beautiful crowd. You sound like you are already blessed with beauty so perhaps add to this advantage with learning some different skills that, without wishing to sound rude, will make your beauty the least important thing about you. Don't give up hope!!

That's true, it just feels unfortunate that it happened many times. Especially with the last guy, he was one of my closest friends and we kinda lost the friendship which hurts.
They are just not objectively good looking, it doesn't mean they're unattractive, they just don't have a typically attractive appearance but I found them attractive. Everyone likes different things I guess.

Sadly I found doing the approaching doesn’t work.

as I said few men have thought about gender dynamics and when they haven’t they devalue some that approaches them. But they’ll shag us if we’re hot.

much as the feminist in me deplores it, you need to filtre for those that will make the effort to approach you. And give them space to get into you and work up the courage to approach you.

Pretty much this, they want to sleep with me but not be with me. It hurts a lot tbh.

I appreciate what you're saying, thanks.
I thought I was quite confident, I have no issue approaching men, asking them out, telling them I'm interested, etc. however this doesn't seem to be working.

The men in question were all happy to sleep with me just not be in a relationship which was upsetting, but my fault too.

Thank you. I do understand what you are saying, but I felt like I had a lot of hobbies, and these men have said I'm really good to chat to, I'm really interesting, funny etc.
The most recent guy became a good friend and we talked every day, he was physically attracted but just didn't want to date me. It hurts because everything always seems to be there but for whatever reason they never fall in love with me.

Ime only creepy middle aged men would rule a 32 year old woman out on grounds of age. Younger men usually have nothing to prove by trying to bag someone younger. So unless these men are getting on a bit I think your theory is doubtful.
I wonder OP if because you find it easy to attract men you're subconsciously going for the ones who aren't giving you the signals you're used to? You say you don't even find them that attractive so perhaps you're responding to the challenge?