I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

But there won't be just one answer - it'll be different for everyone.

My experience is that men who want to commit won't hold back. If a man is happy to sleep with you but not commit, it's because they're really not that into you.

I mean, I have lots in common with many people - they make me laugh and I think they're lovely but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them for a whole number of reasons.

What have they told you? Maybe they were never interested in a serious relationship anyway. Also, people get fussier as they get older which isn't a bad thing. Also I do sense a hint of desperation, even saying that you're being rejected by men less attractive than you is a bit weird tbh, almost that if they were better looking it would be ok

Chemistry?

I just have no idea. I haven't been single for that long, I get told that I need to be 'mean' to these men and then they'll like me, but that just seems like game playing. I mean I'm no pushover, I won't let a man sleep with me indefinitely if there's no relationship.
I suppose it was different for them all, it's just that when you have someone you get on so well with who's a similar age/background and also attracted to them, you end up wondering what's missing.

You answered your own question here though.

he's not relationship material, nothing to do with you.

he's a commitment phone.

he's probs always fancied you, but if he’s not had a relationship for a decade that says everything about him and nothing about you.

done take it personally

its probably your vibe. You are appearing too available. Like someone who is “available for work” won’t get a job. Maybe you need to invite chaos into your life that involves meeting a lot of people all the time, e.g. getting a new job somewhere really busy and massive/moving into a big commune that has constant parties/taking on some kind of adventure/new beginning that involves team work and having to engage in activities with others.

*they are often drawn to and fall for middle of the road women who are:

• attractive but not stunningly beautiful
• easy to talk to but not too witty clever or funny
• seeking of their attention and approval

its these types of women that are always in a relationship.*

Agree with this, average good looks , averagely intelligent/funny and a reasonable job, this set up will attract a lot of men. If you are above average and particularly if you are stunning, a majority of men will feel inferior or feel they may loose you if a better prospect comes along so they go with what feels safe, their egos can’t cope with a woman who is ‘out of their league’ a lot of men don’t like being told they are punching.

He always said stuff like he refused to date colleagues, he's only got a very small circle of friends and so on so that probably ruled a lot of people out, so maybe he was just a commitment phobe. However he didn't seem to not want a girlfriend, he just made noise about not being fussed about marriage and kids.

Completely agree, and maybe a really good looking female will just have to wait a bit longer for the right man, which does seem a bit unfair?

Very few men are going to say "I don't want a girlfriend" when they're getting regular sex from an attractive woman

I think some men really don't see their unattractiveness. Some are goal orientated. So once they have you, they aren't interested

The thing is I really don't want men like that. Because how would a relationship even work in those circumstances? They can't chase for the rest of their lives.

I think you're probably picking men who are not emotionally available for the relationship you say you are looking for. You're perhaps subconsciously attracted to unavailable men.

I'd love to know what it is I'm doing to only be in the first category :( I never sleep with someone immediately, I'm far too shy for that and need to know a person/be comfortable with them first.

It’s not about sleeping with someone straightaway. Maybe you are trying for a relationship with the wrong type? Or maybe just too keen to have a relationship in the first place.

The only people who will tell you it's because you're too old are men with an agenda, trying to convince women they're on the scrap heap at 30 in the hopes women will panic and settle for their sorry selves. Oh, and a few women who have fallen for their propaganda.

Bottom line, they knew you were above them. So they weren't invested in making it work.

What do you do as a job? What are your hobbies? What kind of dates do you go one?

I used to be V.attractive, in my early twenties I was in clubs with celebs, on VIP lists etc etc, but I also was working hard in a law firm and generally found the people who I could have an intellectual conversation with, the most attractive.

I didn’t date a lot back then, but most of the traditionally good looking men who I did date, or hit on me were not serious about settling down (and I don’t think many have now!). The Peter Pan type.

I did eventually meet my soul mate, who I think is rather gorgeous and is very clever.

They can't chase for the rest of their lives.

When they find the one they see a future with, they won't be interested in the chase anymore.

@Fernsfernsferns

You've had some bad experiences with men!! Mine are the opposite, just to balance it

I mean I'm no pushover, I won't let a man sleep with me indefinitely if there's no relationship.

I think you’d be better not sleeping with them until there actually is a relationship. Then you know it’s worth investing your time getting closer to them and won’t be disappointed.

I don't mind being single at all, I just did end up liking these men a lot. I do have a lot of hobbies and I like to travel, have lived abroad, speak other languages, sporty etc.
I remember with the guy who became my friend he didn't really have any concrete hobbies as such, didn't know any other languages, had only moved out for uni and had lived at home for the last 6 years, maybe I made him feel inferior? Not intentionally as I liked him for who he was, but maybe I did?

The replies on here haven't been anywhere near as savage as I was expecting which is good.

You mean they thought I was out of their league?

Yes.
I have dated fairly extensively, and honestly, the less attractive men were the hardest to please/more likely to let you down.
You'd think they'd be grateful

It really is interesting.