I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

To be brutally honest, I think beauty can only take you so far, but then if you’re not interesting or can’t hold an intelligent conversation, the attraction will fade. Not saying this is you, but it could be that your personality is just not what they’re looking for.

Very OTT to say you always get rejected by less attractive men when you've literally just had five rejections over the course of a few years. It's a numbers game. I had a mate at Uni that used to say "50 nos and a yes is still a yes" which made me laugh.

You don't say where you live but if you moved to a capital city and went out a bit or signed up to online dating you'd find someone within a week!

It's because they subconsciously dislike you because they feel inferior to you. Hurts their pride etc

Didn't you post this thread last week?

Exactly, a lot of that age narrative is red pill brainwash /hogwash

. I had issues with men in my 20s and I went into my 30s thinking it was something wrong with me.

All my exes from my 20s have cheated on their partners or divorced as a result of being emotionally unavailable. Looking back I can see if anything my picker was off for even entertaining them but ultimately they weren’t good partner material so I am still glad I didn’t settle for any of them. There are heaps of women on Mumsnet who got saddled with horrible husbands in their 20s and are paying the price of it now and so are their kids.

OP once you find the man that is for you, he will think you are for him just as much.

The men I’ve attracted in my 30s have been way better and I date men in my age group btw. Don’t go thinking your time has past and you’re too old etc.

Maybe you’re coming across as shallow and arrogant.

Maybe you don’t have a great personality.

Or maybe you’re just not as attractive as you think you are…

I think it’s unlikely that a man would decide he could never, ever be with a woman for no other reason than she made the first move.

That said, if a man is extremely good looking, then the chances are he knows this and would prefer to make the first move himself. He’ll have his pick, rather than be picked, if you see what I mean.

It’s probably a non-issue for many of the rest, and very welcome for the shy men if a woman approaches them rather than waiting for an approach.

This is the direct opposite of my experience so I find it odd, tbh.

Could it be that you have a type? Like that guy you dated that hadn't been in a relationship for 10 years. I mean, if he's been single for so long is for a reason and that has nothing to do with you. Probably he's afraid of commitment. You can't expect someone like that, to date you and suddenly want a serious relationship. They are likely long term single for a reason.

Are you looking for emotionally unavailable men? Maybe unconsciouslly you have a type and you like to chase them. Usually, men like to do the chasing and maybe that's why they lose the interest?

I have a friend who always chases, she gets obsessed with terrible guys who only want casual sex and so; and when she gets chased buy good guys, such as a doctor wanting a relationship she just won't find them attractive.

Another theory is that you are successful and beautiful and men do feel intimidated by that. I know several beautiful, stable, successful women who just can't find a partner. I guess most men still want to be the breadwinner and are a bit of macho man.

Long term, people like someone they can be relaxed around and have a nice time with. Looks only attract people at the start. If you think you are more physically attractive than them, they may pick up on that and move on. People want to feel good around their partner, not grateful.

Have not rtft, but are you getting attached too early?

I don't think so, I'd say after like a couple of months or so I develop feelings but isn't that normal?

Is this a generational shift? I don’t remember this at all from my 30s.

Yes, a lot of men definitely prefer younger women (nothing new about it!), and in fact I'd say a lot of them put that over stunning good looks... but plenty are happy with or prefer women their own age. It's sometimes a dream situation that isn't a real life deal breaker, much like many women might ideally, in their dreams, date a billionaire but in real life won't actually reject a man who's merely secure.

I do wonder if PPs who say OP has a "dating down" strategy might be right. If you're going for men because they're less attractive and you think that'll make them so grateful that they'll commit, I don't think it works that way.

Do you develop feelings, strong feelings for everyone you date? Are there times when it’s you that decides he’s not right for you?

Oh no definitely not, I've been on a few dates before and then just had no interest in them. Usually because we didn't have much to talk about or they just weren't very nice or something.

I agree with the posters suggesting that they're maybe picking up on the fact that you think you're "dating down". Feeling like someone is taking pity on you isn't great, and I can see why they wouldn't want that in their lives longer term.

I also agree, maybe controversially, with the posters suggesting you don't have sex until things are much more established.

I’ve known women with less attractive men and in many cases the aesthetic imbalance comes with its own problems. Some men can be very insecure about it, and look for ways to put the woman ‘in her place’/‘knock her down to size’, her beauty being something to be equal parts revered and deeply resented.

Honestly don't think it is that, I mean I can't be sure but they said I had a great personality, loads in common, got on really well etc. and attracted but 'something' was missing. I just mean I didn't initially find them attractive but as I got to know them more then I did. But honestly I have no idea.

Sadly I've had this from 2 serious boyfriends, they would make jibes about my appearance then admitted they were insecure in themselves, didn't find themselves attractive and didn't feel good enough.

Maybe the "something" is being thought of as an equal, respect.

Maybe, but I don't know why, I always complimented them, made them feel good and showed I was attracted. It was maybe just an excuse.

especially the very last one I had a really good friendship with them. It's a shame but oh well.

Did you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?

No, I hadn't even dated him and couldn't have possibly made such a conclusion. I started getting feelings but ultimately no I never knew him well enough.

I want to know what is that's missing.

Not very helpful obviously but: the right person.

You've just had a run of what you're not looking for and it's just a question of persistence. Also stop going out with people you don't really find attractive, that'll show.