I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

Maybe they can tell how you feel about them and don't particularly like it.

Assortative mating OP. Couples are usually matched in terms of attractiveness. People seek out partners they perceive as similar to themselves whether consciously or subconsciously. These men likely have assessed their own attractiveness and feel that you're out of their league. I think there may be an evolutionary reason for this in terms of genetic fitness. So yes they'll sleep with you but you just don't seem suitable for a long term relationship.

Early 30s is young

I think personality wins over looks in the lonk term. Not saying you don't have a good personality but maybe you just weren't compatible with these men.

Honestly, I really fall for these men and liked them for who they were, I would just love to know what it is I'm doing wrong so I can change it.

Maybe that's true sadly... However I do see stunningly beautiful women with plainer men so sometimes I'm not sure?

You really fall for them before you're even in a relationship?

I think that's your answer, tbh. It's too intense.

Yeah, even though we got on great had stuff in common, laughed a lot and the physical attraction was there, there just seemed to be something missing, I wish I knew what it was. It's sad but people have told me to be meaner and not be nice, but that's who I am. I'm told I'm very calm, gentle, laid back, sweet etc. Maybe these men just don't want that.

Maybe fall is the wrong word but say after a couple of months I come to really like them. Not someone I've just met or whatever, but all these men bar the very last one we were seeing each other for some time, the very last guy is the only one with whom nothing physical ever happened, but yeah I did come to really like them all.

In those cases there's usually something that balances it out, most likely that he's rich or powerful. We always think of these relationships in terms of the woman being attracted to that, but it also makes him feel more on a level.

I think couples in general are matched in attractiveness, but often the women is slightly better just because there are more attractive women than men, and this is even more common in some other races (where most of the women are absolutely stunning and then men, not so much). I'm attractive and always been better looking than my partners. As long as you're attracted to them what does it matter?

I think when you’re over 30 you have to be really lucky to meet someone you really click with. The pool gets so much smaller!

Probably true I guess..
None of these men were particularly rich, a lot of them still lived with their parents and weren't exactly 'powerful'. They were just sweet, kind, interesting and funny and I just really liked them.

Why are you dating them for so long before committing either way?

It was usually around a month or two when I'd state I wanted to be official but they just didn't have the 'feelings' required but were happy to sleep together.

It's not you. It's the times. Many women don't feel they have to settle and many men don't feel they have to settle down. I think it's another area where the "tyranny of choice" is having negative affects.

Maybe... Like this guy I liked just recently, he'd been single for nearly a decade but figured carrying on single was better than dating me, am I really that bad 😂

Some men believe in the fact that there are women you have sex with and then there are women you have a committed relationship with/marry. Maybe you, through no fault of your own, fall into the first category.

Or perhaps you didn’t settle for the almost perfect man when you were younger and had more choice, and would now be very happy together. Now you’ve realised dating in your 30s can be really brutal. Maybe many assume you want to settle down and have children soon, because of your age, but that’s not what they want and they are still young enough to stand a chance with younger women so rule you out.

I think it is one of / a combination of it being in your thirties (dating is just harder for women in their thirties), maybe you taking it too seriously, and also maybe they just don't want a gf. There seem to be more and more people who just aren't arsed about being in a couple. My brother is like this. He's been married but never wants another proper relationship. He hasn't had one since he got divorced

I'd love to know what it is I'm doing to only be in the first category :( I never sleep with someone immediately, I'm far too shy for that and need to know a person/be comfortable with them first.

I missed upthread that they're all your age or younger - maybe that has something to do with it. They're just not interested in a committed relationship - lots of men in their late twenties aren't.

I understand about people saying it's because I'm in my 30s, but I've had the same issue from age 24 onwards.

A couple of them did go on to have girlfriends after, one's getting married soon. The very recent one who I was only friends with had been single for something like 7 years, I couldn't see why as he was lovely, but he was saying he didn't want kids and was happy to go with the flow etc.

You're just not the one they want to be with OP. It doesn't matter how gorgeous someone is, there has to be something more than that and if it's not there for him then it's not there.

I want to know what is that's missing. Because every time , especially the last guy, they literally say that we get on really well, loads in common, great personality, we laugh a lot, sort of thing. I don't see how I can be that unlucky 5 times that something is missing? I just wish I knew what.