I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

What type of work do you do? Could that be a factor perhaps? (Clutching at straws cos to me you sound like a great potential partner from what you’ve said)

Is it possible that you're not very good in bed?

Thank you! I work as a civil servant, quite a junior grade but I enjoy it :)

Maybe 😂 I have no idea

As long as you’re not honest with yourself and unpack honestly some of these strange principles of yours (they don’t make sense, that’s why it’s not working) you won’t be able to read the world for what it is and get what you want from it.

Men regardless of their looks generally think they are superior to women and so think that they can date whoever they like.

This. All that comes across here is how OP thinks she’s above them and doing them a favour even considering then. They will 100% pick up on that.

Honestly, I really didn't see it like that. It was just an observation, I genuinely really liked them.

Maybe that’s the issue with the OP? She expects the comparatively less attractive men she’s choosing to acknowledge that they’re punching above their weight, but they’re unaware of their own ‘rating’ in her eyes, so don’t realise ‘gratitude’ is expected.

Well this is a bit of a shitty thing to say

Maybe, but there are men who will. Don't try to be something you're not

you are too used up, and you probably should loose weight. You also seem narcissistic. NO handsome man likes that. Sorry. Just being brutal like you are with your question.

Maybe you are trying too hard? You say you have no problem approaching men .they often like to do the chasing. Maybe cool it a bit.you can be too avaliable! If they like you they will let u know. Keep up hobbies , throw yourself into work .often it happens when u least expect it.being attractive is good .but being someone's type having a laugh and trying to stay interested is what makes a Rl work

I know what it is:

They’re afraid you’ll reject them so they reject you first.

Your whole op seems to be about looks, maybe men supposedly 'attracted' to you have sussed you out early on?

Have you considered even just as a short term experiment going for the ones you spark with/find inexplicably attractive (even if they're probably wronguns) rather than the ones who take more work/feel like friends?

You will have absolutely no idea how handsome men think, I guarantee that. And the opinion of spiteful substandard ones who cant even spell their insult of choice will be of no interest to the OP. I can guarantee that also.

It is not an age thing it's about personality looks is a bonus, learnt that with men and I am very attractive

You also have to be careful with who is telling you you're good looking...

Women are notorious for telling even the ugliest of friends that they're amazingly beautiful. Women definitely do not look for the same things as men when it comes to attractive women. A good proof of this is to show your 'attractive' friends to your male friends/partner and ask how they'd rate them, and it will invariably be way less than how you would.

Likewise, many men who have one thing on their mind will say the same. They'll tell anyone they're beautiful if they want to bed them.

So that leads onto the harsh question (sorry), could it be you think you're more attractive than these men, when in reality, are simply attracting men on your level?

From what you've said, it's sounds as if these men could be a bit intimidated by you and, after a date or two, come to the conclusion that you're out if their league.

That's obviously on them - I don't think it's a reflection on anything you're saying/doing/not doing.

Also, don't worry about pissing people off with your post. It's OK to say you're attractive, if you are - just own it!

Contrary to popular belief that men will uproot their lives for the “slim, pretty one “ , in some instances they do but in most and in my experience specifically, I’ve fallen for the “plain “ type as I got older solely because their character is a lot more complete . I’m not saying yours isn’t but societal norms make us assume you to be high maintenance etc . Men in general can have fun with the “pretty/ plain” but if the person underneath is lacking it turns us off

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Men, especially if meeting through OLD, can be extremely fickle or rather OLD doesn't facilitate two people getting to know each other slowly over time for a genuine connection to build up. Men with attachment style issues, or just low level of interest due to not knowing you at all outside of a date context equals a greater number of them just ghosting or fading even if they were initially attracted to you. It's rubbish but you just keep going and try not to take it personally because it's most likely not about you.

I mean, the vast majority of men don't have partners 10 years younger than them though. Maybe they would like to, but in the real world, they don't.

If a man in his 30s has been single for decade, I'd assume it's for a reason- and it's unlikely to be you.