I always get rejected by less attractive men

[Heyarnold33]

I know this thread will probably piss people off, I'll get accused of being arrogant, a rubbish personality, deluded and all sorts, and that is fine, I'm just sharing my point of view.
I am in my early 30s and generally told I'm very attractive, and I also believe I am. I know it's taboo to admit such a thing, but I believe I am pretty with a nice figure.
We are always told that men go for looks moreso than women. I've never dated a man who was considered incredibly handsome at all, a few of the men I've dated or been into considered themselves unattractive and put themselves down.
I can still get shy with men I like initially, but after seeing them a few times I come out of my shell.
Anyway none of these men seem to have romantic feelings for me. The 2 last serious boyfriends I've had were considered better-looking, not saying Greek gods but people said they were good looking and such.
A few of the other men who've rejected me, I didn't initially fancy them but I came to love their looks as I fell for them as people.
They seemed to be sexually attracted but just didn't get romantic feelings for me, even if we got on great or whatever. They just didn't want me to be their girlfriend. Literally 5 different men over the course of a few years.
It might just be pure coincidence, it might be me. When I was a lot younger I could come across as very keen, I've scaled it back now but I am not someone who plays very hard to get, I like push and pull but I do show my interest because otherwise what's the point.
Some of these men were just very immature, probably most. But makes me realise how little looks matter outside of an initial attraction.. anyone else experienced this?

Not all men are like you. There are many who met their partners similar age in 30s.

This is so true.

Op you said you would come across to keen in your younger years and now you do enough pull and push. I think pull and push, hot or cold is as unattractive as overly keen. Just be yourself and be honest in your approach to the person. You would definitely meet someone who would like you for who you are and how well you treat them.

That's so many men, in a nutshell. They want sex. They don't want to do the complicated stuff.

OP why are you choosing men who you don’t really find attractive? I used to think that if a man wasn’t as attractive, he’d be more likely to be grateful for the attention and more likely to be nice. That‘s not at all the case.

In my experience it’s been the less attractive men who’ve been more critical of my looks and less interested in me as a person. They’re not all interested in much younger women either. A lot are but these are the ones to avoid. My last two boyfriends have been a few years younger than me. Both of them went for women like Victoria CM and Julianne Moore. I’m 51 btw…they didn’t have fetishes for older women!

If you think about it from a male point of view, sex is the cherry on the cake, so if you're having sex with them before any feelings have developed, there isn't much need for them to work on developing a relationship. They don't have to work on winning you over. They don't have to work on emotional intimacy. The relationship is purely sexual. Which is fine if that's what you want. But it isn't.

It's interesting as you're the second person who's said that, it makes me wonder why people less attractive end up being more critical/less interested?

Sometimes less attractive men have insecurities, which make them bitter and shallow. Like George from Seinfeld.

Go with someone you like and make sure they are not commitment phobes like the guy single for 10 years. Sometimes these men get too used to of their single life and independence.

This is my take on it: you seem to have a dating down strategy and it's not working for you at all.

You like 5 guys in a row. Five is a lot I think, you don't seem very discerning, then you say that most of them are fairly unattractive compared with you, live at home, the last one didn't have hobbies and hadn't done anything of note with his life and lived with his parents presumably til late twenties or thirties.

Your strategy seems to be date down and hope they are grateful for a relationship with you- this doesn't work as they have sex with you but don't translate into a relationship.

The reason that this dating down isn't working is because these guys are not your equal, furthermore they may have reasons why they live at home and aren't great at getting into relationships (e.g. not that socially skilled, not emotionally that mature).

You need your equal, if you are well-travelled, interesting and attractive, find a man like that! Men like that want women like that. Only quite sad men aged 40 will date a 23 year old and most of their friends will raise their eyebrows at them. Nice, mature, interesting, men with hobbies, friends and goals in life want women roughly equal to themselves, this is what research shows, they don't date down, educated men date equal so set your sights higher and stop this dating down thing as it's not working for you!

I'm not particularly attractive. I don't have a nice figure. I've been proposed to 5 times and I'm on my 2nd marriage. I don't think its all so much about looks tbh. I think a lot of men are misogynist pigs and underneath it all they want a 1950s housewife who one the outside is virginal but in the bedroom adventurous (but only with them because their great manliness just brings it out of you) I'm a good cook. I'm good with children. I'm basically a rounded, rolypoly maid, nurturing the ego. I'm not sure how I turned into it and honestly it's not really me.

I am sure you are a good person and a great companion, no wonder you have been proposed 5 times. Nice people are attractive to good people.

You seem very hung up on looks and bitter about guys you feel should fancy you because of your looks. Despite online dating (and the bottom feeder blokes on there who skew the picture) most blokes want someone they connect with and see as a friend. At least that’s what it should be. Your post is telling as it focussed on superficial stuff but the truth is especially in that age bracket, it’s not all about and if it is, they’re not what you want anyway, so no point crying about it.

I understand but I am not bitter, just a bit sad, and these guys, especially the very last one I had a really good friendship with them. It's a shame but oh well.

I don't necessarily seek out this sort of man, but these days so many men seem to be already taken, and generally I don't see many extremely good looking men around for some reason.

I have no personal experience of this because I'm a fat minger (truly. I look like my mother was a naked mole rat and my father was a blob fish and my face looks like ive got a mouth full of piss soaked nettles at all times). but I think from observing others that being 'too' pretty can have disadvantages as well. You get judged, thought of sometimes as shallow or dim or arrogant even though you're none of those things. The whole "out of my league" thing. Them feeling insecure. Etc.

No idea what you look like but you're bloody funny.

Less attractive men aren't necessarily stupid. They know you think looks are important and can see you are better looking. They will not sit there being grateful but wonder why you want to be with them if your values don't seem to align.

@ChangeAgain2

‘I'm basically a rounded, rolypoly maid, nurturing the ego.’

Consider this proposal six - I am a straight female but I will marry you for this sentence alone 😂

OP - stop with the project boyfriends, they’re probably threatened and wondering what the catch is, plain men aren’t any nicer and unless they’re supremely confident in something else about themselves they often have issues with attractive women - doesn’t mean they won’t shag them, they’re just after the ego lift. Find your opposite number and don’t be too keen. There’s a difference between that and playing games. Just keep a bit back. You are very motivated to find love and that’s appealing but you know when you go in a shop and they won’t leave you alone? That.

My impression from your posts is that you are underestimating yourself and setting the bar too low. You are attractive, with many interests and you are young. Don't let anyone suggest that early 30s is somehow less attractive than 20s, it really is not. You are at the peak of your powers. You have dated five disappointing men. That's really not a lot. Where are you meeting these lukewarm guys? I think maybe you need to expand your circle of friends. Broaden your interests and have a much wider circle of possible men. Don't just settle for a guy you 'quite like', wait until you meet someone who makes you feel really interested, and watch carefully for signs that he's really, desperately interested in you before committing to anything beyond a date. Stay confident in yourself. It's quite easy to see when a man is falling in love with you, but you have to recognise the signs and just walk past the others.

Do you end up really liking/falling for every man that agreed to a date?

I think if you’re dating conventionally attractive men that are still young they have option and like to bounce around. Less to do with you rather them op, they’re so spoilt for choice they never know what they want,

Oh no definitely not, I've been on dates where we didn't have much to talk about or we just didn't get on etc.

A lot of men aren't confident enough to approach genuinely gorgeous women and admit to it too.

Less attractive men will figure you'll dump them so they won't take the risk.

Surely what keeps someone attracted is how you are as a person? So looks will probably get you a first or second date and then it's who you are that determines whether it progresses to a relationship?

@Tomatina
100%!