AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

[Pandadunks]

DD has a friendship grp where we are also good friends with the parents. Kids are all Year 9 so age 13/14.
One kid has been invited to a house party at a school friends place, and has been told they can bring a few guests.
Our DD can’t go anyway, but the other parents were discussing this and a couple have said yes - their child can go even though they don’t know the parents of the boy throwing the party, and don’t know anyone else invited.
2 Parents have said no way because they don’t know the family etc and that the party will just be a load of teens smoking, vaping, taking drugs and drinking.

I said - there’s no way they’d be taking drugs at a party at that age and everyone laughed! Apparently because we live in a city OF COURSE the kids will be smoking weed, taking ketamine and god knows what else at a party!

Am I just horribly out of touch? DD is on the young side and hasn’t been to any parties at all that aren’t pizza restaurant or cinema for a birthday type thing.

YANBU - they’re too young, at 13/14 they’ll barely have alcohol there

YABU - you’re naive! It’ll be full on drugs, and everything else

I dint think it’s likely to be full of drugs but I’d expect drinking, vaping and potentially weed and sex. This is based on my own experiences from over 20 years ago and a 14 year old nephew.

Agree with this wholeheartedly.

Also think it is shocking but it is the world we unfortunately live in now.

Jesus wept! I wasn’t doing any of that even at 16/17!

My dd is 13. I don't think they would drink or do drugs but I'm not sure on the others.

It hugely depends on the peer group and the norms within it. There is a massive spectrum at that age. Some people at my school were definitely doing all that in Year 9. I definitely wasn’t and wasn’t in a minority. So impossible to say.

There are definitely kids drinking, smoking and maybe smoking weed at 13/14, and there are lots who are still having pizza and a film or whatever- it's really varied at that age.

A key Q for me is whether parents will be in attendance.

I would say that yr9 is the beginning of the divide in the year group into those who go for cinema/ pizza and those who go for drugs/drink at parties. With an open invite like that to bring guests my guess would be they are aiming for the latter approach. Drugs are a distinct possibility.

Hopefully parents are supervising and aware.

I was that age in the 90s and there was drinking, drugs and sex then.
It will be the same now.

Very varied at that age.
Some parents would be okay with the alcohol, others wouldn’t and then it just sort of branches out from there.
I have known parties for this age literally be music and dancing with a disco ball with pizzas being delivered followed by a film with popcorn and also parties with no parents present, alcohol and vaping.

As above - some parties will be a group of close friends eating pizza. Others will be drink, vaping, drugs, sex.

I was very very wary of my dcs going to parties at that age. First party dc went to was beer and chatting with close friends. Second was a large party with drink, drugs, and a stabbing that shook the whole school.

At 14, maybe not drugs but probably drinking and smoking/vaping and lots of snogging/touching.

Maybe a squabble or two.

I would expect some of the kids to drink, smoke weed, vape and have sex. Don’t know the likelihood of stronger drugs than weed but some parents and older siblings are happy to supply so who knows.

I think you can't possibly know in this scenario.

Given that it's an open invite to unknown randoms I think you can assume the risks are higher and the planned adult supervision is lower. There may be older kids there, increasing the likelihood of drink/drugs/sex etc.

If was my year 9 and their friends that I know I could bet on there being no drugs, smoking or sex. But I have friends with DC of similar ages that I would not be putting money on abstaining if things were offered.

I would not let my 13 yr old go to the house of people I don't know, with no idea who else was going to be there.

I was that age in the 90s too, and that was pretty much my reaction. But then again, maybe that's just a 90s thing? It was an odd time.

I was that age 20 years ago and I would say that yes, weed and alcohol are almost a definite, plus the odd couple having sex or at least doing "stuff".

13/14 was definitely the normal age for starting to try alcohol and cigarettes.

The 90s were definitely more lax in terms of access to alcohol and general safeguarding. Some of the stuff I did would be completely alien to my DC at the same age!

Depends entirely on the kids and whether parents are in attendance

unfortunately I was in the weed and shagging group, but there were plenty of girls I was also friends with who would have house parties that were pizza and a film.

it varies so much at this age.

@RonObvious @Thequeenofwishfulthinking

I, too, was a teenager in the 90s. My friends and I used to get up to all sorts. We'd tell our parents we were sleeping at each other's houses but we'd actually be out with random lads or going to parties held by "a friend's cousin's neighbour's brother" or whatever 🤣🤣🤣

‘A key Q for me is whether parents will be in attendance.’

No-one seems to know but given it seems to be open invitation I’d worry about this party even if parents were planning on being around.
There are a lot of ‘cool’ parents around who are the if it’s going to happen anyway I’d rather it was at home and I’ll buy the beers.

I would have been doing all of this in the 80's at 13/14, however DS2 is 14 and certainly isn't and neither did DS1.

They rarely go out tbh and spend all their time online chatting to their mates.

It would be a no for DD from me anyway but she doesn’t seem fussed and we are away anyway that weekend .

Don't necessarily expect that your dd will necessarily be wanting similar. My older two even in yr 12/13 and at uni have very moderate drinking habits - just a couple a year and with family. They are very focused on fitness and studies. When I was younger everyone drank, now there is much more of a divide.

Yr9 is a tricky year.
DD is quite young and hasn't been to parties but the kids that hang out in the park in the dark definitely drinking...and yes y9 are vaping...in school.

I don't think living in a city has anything to do with drugs...some of the worst places for drugs are small towns.
But it depends on lots of factors if there will be drugs.
We had a Y10/11 party and yes plenty of alcohol was apparently consumed....before and during (not supplied by us but we saw the evidence and kids were definitely already drunk when we watched the ring camera back.) a few vapes (but outside)....I didn't see any evidence of drug use whatever that may be. I don't hear a lot of y10/11 doing drugs here, but that may just be my kids circle.

DS Is about to have peers turning 14. There's no way they'll be having sex and taking drugs. Most likely eating too much shit, pissing about play fighting and staying up too late.
Although in his friendship group it would still be normal for the parents to be in the house for that age group. I've re read the OP and I can't see whether the parents will be there or not?
In my current experience it's a bit odd to say "bring some guests" too. Surely they'll just invite their mates? And not ask their mates to bring mates?!