AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

[Pandadunks]

DD has a friendship grp where we are also good friends with the parents. Kids are all Year 9 so age 13/14.
One kid has been invited to a house party at a school friends place, and has been told they can bring a few guests.
Our DD can’t go anyway, but the other parents were discussing this and a couple have said yes - their child can go even though they don’t know the parents of the boy throwing the party, and don’t know anyone else invited.
2 Parents have said no way because they don’t know the family etc and that the party will just be a load of teens smoking, vaping, taking drugs and drinking.

I said - there’s no way they’d be taking drugs at a party at that age and everyone laughed! Apparently because we live in a city OF COURSE the kids will be smoking weed, taking ketamine and god knows what else at a party!

Am I just horribly out of touch? DD is on the young side and hasn’t been to any parties at all that aren’t pizza restaurant or cinema for a birthday type thing.

YANBU - they’re too young, at 13/14 they’ll barely have alcohol there

YABU - you’re naive! It’ll be full on drugs, and everything else

Ah well. Hopefully I have a fairly sensible teen. It the younger one I will probably need to worry about more!

Watch this OP, it's practically a guide to the party she'll go to: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kids_(film)

I’ve seen Kids, thanks. And Skins, and Sex Education… extremes are always more fun to watch than reality, no?
And while I think Sex Education is brilliant, I’m not convinced that all those 20-something actors are portraying accurate depictions of most young teens reality. More like their fantasies!

The problem is while lots of teens are not this party clearly was going to be a bit wild since the parent not actually there and older siblings friends being there. That’s a nice easy way for the 13/14 year olds to get their hands on stuff 17/18 year olds won’t bother trying to hide. The reaction from the children also shows they where expecting a very fun adult but teenager night.

My mother would tell you till she’s blue in the face I was the wild child my brother the chilled one. He got up to just as much if not more than me. He just didn’t share it, certainly wasn’t her who found the condoms in his bag that was me 😂

Exactly. This whole thread is full of people who watch TV shows about outrageous teen behaviour. Bar some very "rough" teens from difficult households, no one behaves like that in real life at 13/14 - at least no one I know and I have a teen this age with a very wide group of friends from various schools (we're in London).

@XelaM I assure you I've never watched any of those shows. I do have teens tho. And loads of mates with teens. And neighbours with teens. And do voluntary sport work with teens. And know the parents of those teens. They all chat & compare what they have heard / seen etc
We know about the location of big parties where an adult isn't present and which year 9s were there. And which Yr9 had to be picked up by her parent due to the state of her. And what apparently she gets up to.
Nice middle class family. Parents are medics / law.

At 14/15 ds1 would have been likely to drink and smoke at a house party if no parents were around. There wasn't a huge issue with drugs though other than the occasional weed smoker

Ds2 and his friends didn't do any of it and although I was always around I could have happily left them to it . Parties tended to be a load of them with their guitars or playing cards even at 16/17

Ds3 is almost 13 and I think he will have to be watched like a hawk like ds 1 was, although I might be wrong as he doesn't like people drinking or smoking at all atm.

Ds4 is likely to be the same as ds2 I think

The parents might be middle class and medics/law but they are clearly shit parents

‘The parents might be middle class and medics/law but they are clearly shit parents’

some of the most lax parents we know are the naice MC variety. I can’t work out if they just don’t have the time to be more involved or just can’t be arsed and take the path of least resistance or think it’s cool to let their kids do whatever they want.

We’re MC by accident! Both very WC childhoods and families, with parents who put up with ZERO shit from us and absolutely would have gone batshit if we’d been caught drinking, drugging etc

@XiCi Tbh I have no idea if they are trying & are up against a certain set of teens where that's what they are all doing. Some of what I hear is from the parent of one of that set of Yr9 who seems to think that's the norm, albeit their own DD tells them stories and claims she's not as bad. Mine and her mates are all the very sporty set so it's more about pizza parties than booze

I smoked a lot of weed at 14. And had a lot of sex. Good times...

Not something to boast about. It's very sad to have that kind of childhood of underage sex and drugs.

Parties I attended at 13/14 definitely had booze, sometimes had weed, and occasionally had other narcotics.

To be fair, I did survive to tell the tale.

‘I smoked a lot of weed at 14. And had a lot of sex. Good times...’

I would argue that most 14 year olds aren’t emotionally and psychologically equipped to deal with a lot of either of these but perhaps you were different.

I hope at least it was with children your age and not adults exploiting and grooming you.

Alcohol is alcohol for me. Personally I favour the continental approach of introducing it in a gradual and controlled way, rather than making it a forbidden fruit.

Ime most young people nowadays are very into health and fitness and are not interested in binge drinking in any event- DS1 is now 25 and DS2 is 16 and the attitude of their respective friend groups at that age is night and day.

However, I would certainly not be happy about the vaping and drugs.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Still, to hear some of the 14 year old boys talking they’re all knee deep in famny and weed… which is entirely true I’m sure.
Seems one thing hasn’t changed - spotty virgins claiming not to be spotty virgins …

🙄 It was the world we lived in 25 years ago IIRC

It's been a while since I was in year 9 and I didn't go to school in a city, but there was definitely drugs and sex at a lot of the parties, especially the ones where guests are told to bring their mates... they get out of hand quickly.
Booze and smoking were at every high school party I went to.
It will depend on what crowd your child hangs out with though I guess.

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/popular-schoolboy-died-after-taking-21203804.amp

I would have thought a big difference 13/14 to 14...almost 15.
Are people typing 13/14 really meaning when they were 13?
13/14 would be older half of yr8!....or just turned 14 in lower half of Y10.
So yes I think many of us were doing some of thus in Y10 but no where near as many in Y8

Year 9 here. Eldest was definitely still at the football pizza and sweets stage in year 9. Ypungest is part of the coolish crowd and what he tells me and what I’ve seen is that parents are always there and there’s a bit of vaping and snogging but no alcohol or drugs. My experience is that kicks off in year 10 and is more the girls doing the vodka in water bottles thing. His parties usually end by10.30 and I’ve never had any kids in the car who seem or smell like they’re under the influence of anything

I think it just depends on the group of kids, not all teenagers want to get drunk and vape!

We're talking about Year 9 kids and a 14th birthday party as I understood the OP.