AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

[Pandadunks]

DD has a friendship grp where we are also good friends with the parents. Kids are all Year 9 so age 13/14.
One kid has been invited to a house party at a school friends place, and has been told they can bring a few guests.
Our DD can’t go anyway, but the other parents were discussing this and a couple have said yes - their child can go even though they don’t know the parents of the boy throwing the party, and don’t know anyone else invited.
2 Parents have said no way because they don’t know the family etc and that the party will just be a load of teens smoking, vaping, taking drugs and drinking.

I said - there’s no way they’d be taking drugs at a party at that age and everyone laughed! Apparently because we live in a city OF COURSE the kids will be smoking weed, taking ketamine and god knows what else at a party!

Am I just horribly out of touch? DD is on the young side and hasn’t been to any parties at all that aren’t pizza restaurant or cinema for a birthday type thing.

YANBU - they’re too young, at 13/14 they’ll barely have alcohol there

YABU - you’re naive! It’ll be full on drugs, and everything else

I’m sorry I think you were a late bloomer compared to many! But that is the ideal. I was doing these things at 14 when I was in no way emotionally equipped and as a result will be far stricter with my kids than my mum was. I think she was very naive to what the world is like for teens, and crucially I think didn’t really want to know, couldn’t face it. I think it’s important to do what you need to to create a culture where they can talk to you about what’s going on.

I think it hugely depends on the peer group at that age. Some are into sex and drugs by then, lots aren't. Btw I grew up in a very rural area and there was a LOT of sex and drugs!

This is my experience. My eldest is 18 and doesn't drink at all. His group just don't by all accounts, nor parties or pubs etc.

Very very different to me and DH at that age

The one thing you do have an element of control over is your DC, and your knowledge of how they may behave and which of their friends may be going to the party. You should have an idea of how sensible they may be, or not, and based on that, you can make your decision.

I accepted that once my DC reached a certain age, alcohol would be present at any gathering, not just parties, and I encouraged them, if they were to drink to stick to beer or cider, rather than spirits. Having been to a drugs awareness evening at the secondary school, it was clear that the most dangerous drug is alcohol, because of the ease with which they can get hold of it (already in most homes anyway), social acceptability all round (they see their parents drinking) and the speed with which a kid can go from sober to drunk with a lack of inhibitions and no sense of risk.

Thanks, hope my kids are as boring as I was! Well, til I hit uni anyways…

I will say my y9 grammar school London trip was 3 nights of alcohol, weed and cherry popping.That was in 1983 with teachers who thought they were supervising well

It's almost 30 years since I was that age, but even in the 1990s 13/14 year olds were drinking and smoking at parties, and I am sure some of them were having sex too. When I was that it age was highly unlikely for a parent to hand over a house for a party too, so it was more likely to be happening in the local park.

Definitely not the norm in this part of the south east and not just for home ed kids like mine.

There is definitely alcohol, vaping and weed at parties at that age. Also sex, but only a small percentage will be up to that. Most kids will have a drink though. Did you really not go to parties where people were drinking at age 14?

That is not what's happening where we are, so shocking!!!!!! Why are parent's letting their children go!? Will there be any adults there?

Not to make you any more worried than you already are, but if I didn't know the teens attending, I would also be considering the potential for knives to be present. Sorry.

It would’ve definitely been drinking, smoking and sex in my era (early noughties) but the kids today are entirely different to what we were like.

They’re all about smoothies and the gym and dancing with their mates. My DC and their mates are anyway. Much less rebellious and much more into their wellbeing physical and mental. One of DCs friends is having a ‘Palentines party’ in the half term and they’re gonna do face masks and make bubble tea and then have a big old dance.

I think it depends on the group of kids. No way is my 15 year old even doing all that stuff (I'm not being naïve ahe would have to leave her room). I'm sure some are.

It was certainly that way 30+ years ago when I was 14 and trying -and succeeding - to get served in the pub and my mates were giving people blowjobs in the park. This generation seem more well behaved if anything.

Who are the parents who enable drinking, smoking and drugs at kids parties? I’ve not heard of this happening. My kids would not be going to such a party or be in a situation where they are with criminal behaviour.

My daughter just turned 14 and she's a very popular Y9 girl - no vaping/smoking/drugs/alcohol among her friends at all. I don't know what horror kids Mumsnetters associate with. 🤷‍♀️

My dc's weren't like that, although they would have freely admitted there were parties like that in year 9, just not the ones they went to.

Dd1 tended to be go to Creams for an ice cream, or possible something for more of a full meal. Occasionally with bowling or cinema beforehand.
Dd2 group didn't do parties. They're making up for it now they're 20yo though.
Ds' group got very keen on laser quest, normally followed by McDonalds. All of them had parents staying (and normally the idea was they all ganged up in laser quest to get the dad as much as possible 😂) which knowing the group, who are nice with bouts of silliness, is very sensible, but meant that anything out of hand got stopped before it had started.
There was one party he leapt in the car afterwards and shouted "drive, drive, drive..." So I stayed still and asked him what he'd done. Turned out he'd had a bet that he could get home before his friend (who was walking). He still reminds the friend when we give him a lift that he won.

unless they’ve got a bit of money there won’t be drugs except maybe weed. But they sound a bit dramatic, unless your kids are out of euphoria

Funny how none of the posters own DC'S are apparently up to any trouble.😂New generation of angels.
And I suppose 20years ago when you were drunk in a park your parents knew exactly where you were.

I was definitely a film and a pizza girl in year 9. My daughter is year 8 but I really cannot see her friend's suddenly being into vaping and sex by next year

I was never drunk in a park at 14 🤷‍♀️and I always know where my kid is - she's at sports training 6 days per week (after school and on weekends) - certainly not drinking or doing drugs in parks. Her friends are into skin care and healthy eating, go shopping/to restaurants/cinemas/do escape room-type parties. If they go to concerts there's an adult there to ensure they're ok.

I was a weed smoking, alcohol swigging 14 year old in 1973 and so were most of my peers at a naice private girls school.

They'll definitely be some drug taking, a lot of alcohol and a lot of sex. Not everyone will be drugs but there will be a fair amount of cannabis and maybe some cocaine.

Really? At 13/14? Totally the opposite of my daughters' Year 9 friends. No one I know is having alcohol/drugs-fuelled sex parties at that age.

Cocaine? In year 9? I don't think so!!

Wow this thread is depressing, there's a real underbelly to some parts of society and a very casual attitude to parenting. As if you have no role to play as a parent in shaping what your child does and what their reality is. So sad.