AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

[Pandadunks]

DD has a friendship grp where we are also good friends with the parents. Kids are all Year 9 so age 13/14.
One kid has been invited to a house party at a school friends place, and has been told they can bring a few guests.
Our DD can’t go anyway, but the other parents were discussing this and a couple have said yes - their child can go even though they don’t know the parents of the boy throwing the party, and don’t know anyone else invited.
2 Parents have said no way because they don’t know the family etc and that the party will just be a load of teens smoking, vaping, taking drugs and drinking.

I said - there’s no way they’d be taking drugs at a party at that age and everyone laughed! Apparently because we live in a city OF COURSE the kids will be smoking weed, taking ketamine and god knows what else at a party!

Am I just horribly out of touch? DD is on the young side and hasn’t been to any parties at all that aren’t pizza restaurant or cinema for a birthday type thing.

YANBU - they’re too young, at 13/14 they’ll barely have alcohol there

YABU - you’re naive! It’ll be full on drugs, and everything else

Not read the whole thread, but DD turned 14 last summer and invited 2 friends over on the day. One of them brought booze and a vape, and I only found out because DD told me! DD is quite well behaved and not into any of that, she hasn’t spoken to friend since as she was outraged 🤣 we live in a teeny tiny village in the deepest darkest Wales.
I can see it being very common in a more ‘rebel’ circle of teens.

DS1 is now in his 20s and still hasn’t reached the drinking, smoking and drugs stage of anything.

For his group of friends, a party means D&D. And DS won’t even drink fizzy drinks!

Again, DS1 is possibly an extreme outlier. But it really isn’t the case that all British 13-14 year olds are wild.

This. Sounds a bit depraved really

Even when I was 14 which is 25 years ago now there probably would have been drinking at a party. Definitely smoking.

bombastix don't believe that not a single Yr 9 in your area has ever drunk alcohol or vaped.

It was cheap cider and sex at house parties when I was 14. And always an idiot with a bottle of vodka who passed out. This was in the mid 1990s

Yep. Really depraved people on this thread or some exaggerated fantasies. Talking about 13/14-year-olds giving blow jobs in fields. Wtf?!? Really not normal or legal!!!

I grew up in a "naice" middle class market town and all these things definitely happened. I think some people on this thread are a bit naive tbh - I'm really not convinced that this generation is all that different from the ones before.

Patines at age 14 is what I'm surprised about, I'm clearly naive too!

Given the fact that they've been told that they can bring guests, its a free for all. So, I'm assuming its a proper house party, it's not a giant reach to expect drinking, drugs and sex. It definitely goes on at that age.
Mine definitely wouldn't be going to it.

Or cheap bottles of Lambrini from the corner shop

@Ojlaurv Well you don’t know everything about everyone… and I can assure you that my DC and their friends were absolutely not in to booze, sex and drugs at the age of 14. Don’t fear, they’re now older and it hasn’t done them any harm.

I’m not depraved. When we were 14 and in year ten we got drunk in fields and in parties. People sometimes snuck off to give blow jobs or have sex. I wasn’t one of them but it doesn’t make me depraved for recounting what happened.

Awwww… sorry… but I think you are very naive. Even back in the 90s there were some 13/14 year olds drinking, smoking, doing weed, having sex etc at parties

It definitely happened! At one party two of my friends lost their virginity at 14. I basically asked my mum to say I couldn’t stay over at my pals house that night. She asked me why and I told her that her parents were away and there would be boys over. So anyway, my mum said that i was definitely not going now

I was that age in the 80s and it was similar then but disagree that it is now. I have a dd in year 9 and it makes me laugh how child like they all are compared to how we were. I was out clubbing at that age and I'd be shocked if my dd got up to even a fraction of the things I did. I think maybe losing that year away from school to covid has something to do with it. Unsupervised at a party they'd probably think it really rebellious to have a vape and a bit of blue wkd. Having said that I wouldn't be letting her go to some lads party I didn't know only in case older kids turned up and it got out of hand

Year 9 tends to be a year group of two halves, those that drink, vape and have sex early and those that are home bodies and a couple of pizzas and bit of karaoke, just dance or board games do the trick.

The same was true in my teens years, my parents were (over) protective and I wasn't allowed to wander the streets, hang out at the park or beach so was in the latter group as is my DD.

My year 9 DD is going to a birthday party on Saturday and I can guarantee that she and her friends won't be drinking and vaping she thinks anyone that does is an idiot because of the health impacts.

None of my granddaughters have/ would do anything like that at 13/14. Eldest is 17 and likes a can of cider. No interest in sex, more interested in hobbies and work.

lol - I now live in a very middle class, if not upper class area of a large city, multi million pound houses (it’s the north, so rare for houses to be at this price range), some of them are the big stately home type and have listed status. Big selective local school, and even all the state schools are rated outstanding etc etc etc etc - all the markers of an area being “dead posh”.

I regularly see / smell the local teens smoking weed and I think my neighbours coke dealer confused me with her the other day.

I probably notice more of the less “desirable” behaviours as I grew up on the very opposite end of the spectrum and know what I am looking at - it’s not depraved though - just the real world

Exactly. I was raised in a town that's regularly mentioned on here as a lovely, safe place to raise a children and have a family, and off the top of my head:

One girl was asked "not to come back" from our private school when she got pregnant at 15.
5-6 kids a few years above me got expelled for smoking/dealing weed (that ended up in the papers).
Plenty of people getting suspended for underage smoking, drinking etc.
A friend of mine got suspended for getting drunk underage in a park on a Saturday afternoon. She was a boarder so under school rules.

Parties in fields or in people's back gardens were common and almost always involved smoking (cigarettes and weed) drinking and fooling around. Sex maybe wasn't that common at 14 but it certainly happened.

House parties with drinking etc. were also pretty common and you often ended up there as a "friend of a friend of a friend". I would guess that started at around 16/17 rather than 13/14, though.

There was a group of us talking recently about this and laughing about how much wilder we all were as young teens in the 80s & 90s than teens today. I think we had much more freedom in those days and consequently took more risks.

I think maybe losing that year away from school to covid has something to do with it.

That's interesting - I do wonder if kids are now quite a bit behind socially compared to previous generations.

My friends and I were all having sex and drinking all the time at 14. Tried speed and cocaine too. We were probably some of the wildest in our year group, lots of the others were sporty/arty sorts who didn’t do what we did.
interestingly, it was the white , middle class kids who were the worst behaved. All our parents were professionals and we came from nice houses.
our parents just didn’t care too much about us as they were busy and we could often find an empty house because parents would bugger off on trips and leave teens to it.I had a boyfriend in his 20’s , lots of us did. My daughter was much better than me, I was around though and did play the cool parent a bit cos I liked to know where she was and I liked her friends so didn’t mind them staying over.
nearly every teen can be led by peer pressure so it’s about the cohort overall rather than just the individual I think.

My 14 I was having sex, taking loads of drugs and having the best time ever!!

My dds teachers when she started in year 7 definitely thought so and all commented on it. They lost the whole of that last year of primary and seemed so much younger than previous years as a result