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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU naive about what a year 9 party looks like?

204 replies

Pandadunks · 08/02/2024 12:57

DD has a friendship grp where we are also good friends with the parents. Kids are all Year 9 so age 13/14.
One kid has been invited to a house party at a school friends place, and has been told they can bring a few guests.
Our DD can’t go anyway, but the other parents were discussing this and a couple have said yes - their child can go even though they don’t know the parents of the boy throwing the party, and don’t know anyone else invited.
2 Parents have said no way because they don’t know the family etc and that the party will just be a load of teens smoking, vaping, taking drugs and drinking.

I said - there’s no way they’d be taking drugs at a party at that age and everyone laughed! Apparently because we live in a city OF COURSE the kids will be smoking weed, taking ketamine and god knows what else at a party!

Am I just horribly out of touch? DD is on the young side and hasn’t been to any parties at all that aren’t pizza restaurant or cinema for a birthday type thing.

YANBU - they’re too young, at 13/14 they’ll barely have alcohol there

YABU - you’re naive! It’ll be full on drugs, and everything else

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 08/02/2024 22:41

At 13/14 could be either way but by 15 definitely drinking, my kids didn't encounter smoking or drugs until college age (and they called me to fetch them because they weren't comfortable). Not so much sex as it was a mixed ethnicity area and the girls were definitely a little more reserved in that department, even white girls

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 08/02/2024 22:45

XelaM · 08/02/2024 18:24

Do people on this thread who claim that 13/14-year-olds have wild sex parties with drugs and alcohol actually have kids that age?

I actually have a Year 9 kid who just turned 14 and it literally couldn't be further from what her and her friends' parties are like.

Edited

15, 18, 21, 25, 26 and 27

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 22:45

@Wellhellooooodear sadly often that changes and during Yr8 they break away and turn into teens. Most yr9 share very little with parents as peers are everything, I only know mine doesn't do drugs / sex / vape as her mates are generally at mine & they occasionally mention who is doing it all

EnthENd · 08/02/2024 22:47

I was in the fast food and TV party crowd. Some of the boys did get up to dumb shit with fireworks, but I don't remember drug taking, maybe the odd bit of booze. I agree that at that age it can really go either way though, so not great if you don't know the kids involved.

bombastix · 08/02/2024 22:50

14 is the danger age really; you can easily go off the rails at that time.

I don't really think it's class or money. It's whether your parents are around. I remember being in one of my mates houses (they were enormously wealthy) and her mother had written a note of guidance for days. Apparently the cleaner would come and the gardener would be in.

I had to go home to my actual parents that night. What a burn I thought.

Diamondcurtains · 08/02/2024 22:57

i don’t know where some of the people here live but I have two teens older than that and at 14 parties definitely were not full of kids smoking, vaping,drinking or taking drugs. Year 10 and 11 maybe but definitely not year 9.

PollyPeep · 08/02/2024 22:57

XelaM · 08/02/2024 16:20

Really? At 13/14? Totally the opposite of my daughters' Year 9 friends. No one I know is having alcohol/drugs-fuelled sex parties at that age.

Edited
Show quote history

Cocaine and sex at 13? That's such a wild assumption!

Wellhellooooodear · 08/02/2024 22:58

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 22:45

@Wellhellooooodear sadly often that changes and during Yr8 they break away and turn into teens. Most yr9 share very little with parents as peers are everything, I only know mine doesn't do drugs / sex / vape as her mates are generally at mine & they occasionally mention who is doing it all

Yeah I bet! Everyone is just winging it really. For me I just want my kids to know that they can come to me if they need to.

Thementalloadisreal · 08/02/2024 22:59

Almost impressed that some 14 year olds are doing drugs and having sex.

I remember going to a house party in year 9, we had a few Bacardi breezers and were too nervous to talk to the boys.
Someone was sick and it was scandalous.

I hope my kids are as afraid of stuff as i was 😂

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 23:02

@bombastix I agree. My DD mates who aren't doing this stuff are the ones whose parents expect their kids to be independent & sort themselves out but also monitor homework done, give them lifts places but know where they are, keep a loose eye on their social media, know who they hanging out with etc They keep them involved in sports and other clubs as much as they can.
Those who are turning up at school caked in make up, not doing homework, late all the time & going to parties where people say all sorts going on - they are from all social backgrounds but have parents who have given them 100% free reign

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/02/2024 23:06

it very much depends on who the people are that will be there? Is it a nice area with well adjusted kids? I (ashamedly) smoked at 13 and did drink alcohol although that consisted of a few alcopops, nothing very strong.

I wasn’t having sex at that age though or smoking weed or taking any illicit drugs, but I knew a few that were. Thankfully I don’t smoke now and barely ever drink so we don’t all turn out bad 🤣

It depends how susceptible you think your kids are to peer pressure, really.

ButterCrackers · 08/02/2024 23:06

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 23:02

@bombastix I agree. My DD mates who aren't doing this stuff are the ones whose parents expect their kids to be independent & sort themselves out but also monitor homework done, give them lifts places but know where they are, keep a loose eye on their social media, know who they hanging out with etc They keep them involved in sports and other clubs as much as they can.
Those who are turning up at school caked in make up, not doing homework, late all the time & going to parties where people say all sorts going on - they are from all social backgrounds but have parents who have given them 100% free reign

I think it comes down to the kids having self respect and knowing about personal safety.

Frangipanyoul8r · 08/02/2024 23:09

I’d say 14 is the prime turning point where you know what kind of teenager you’ve ended up with. Drugs and sex younger than 14 usually is the result of shit parenting.

Fionaville · 08/02/2024 23:10

XelaM · 08/02/2024 18:24

Do people on this thread who claim that 13/14-year-olds have wild sex parties with drugs and alcohol actually have kids that age?

I actually have a Year 9 kid who just turned 14 and it literally couldn't be further from what her and her friends' parties are like.

Edited

I've got teenagers, eldest is 18.
None of them have ever had the inclination (or dare I say freedom) to get up to this stuff (I did when I was that age)
But you'd have to be very naive to think that no 13/14 year olds are doing them. Its an age group that differs massively. Some kids are allowed out to roam the streets til late. What do you think they are doing at 9/10/11pm on a Friday night? Are all their friends the same age or are they hanging out with older kids, who influence them? How do you think they get recruited to county lines gangs? How is there teenage pregnancy?
Lots of parents are very protective and know the parents of their children's friends and know where and what their children are doing all of the time. And still, some of these kids manage to get into bad stuff.
Lots of parents just say "Be home by 11pm."
Teenagers notoriously make bad choices. If you've got sheltered, sensible or immature kids, it's hard to see them in that situation, but lots of kids are doing these things.

justasking111 · 08/02/2024 23:11

Had two teenagers in the 90s. I was merciless checking bags, also our hedges for bottles of booze. Also warned them that I would contact the headteacher. Other parents were lax and went out.

Then I had a late baby teenager in 2015. God they were such a boring lot by comparison. Only one very drunk incident at his friends house just the two of them an x box and a bottle of Bacardi.

tocaboogle · 08/02/2024 23:14

whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 23:02

@bombastix I agree. My DD mates who aren't doing this stuff are the ones whose parents expect their kids to be independent & sort themselves out but also monitor homework done, give them lifts places but know where they are, keep a loose eye on their social media, know who they hanging out with etc They keep them involved in sports and other clubs as much as they can.
Those who are turning up at school caked in make up, not doing homework, late all the time & going to parties where people say all sorts going on - they are from all social backgrounds but have parents who have given them 100% free reign

This sounds like my DC and his friends. I'm lucky that up to now he's still "present" in the family and at home and accepts that we are still involved in his life, expect to know what he is doing and who with. He hasn't questioned this, yet!

bombastix · 08/02/2024 23:14

Yes it happens. Naice middle class girl pregnant at 14, father was scrotey bloke. Most scandalous as she kept the baby. I always wondered what home was like for her really, given that the local expectation was clearly nice university. He wasn't prosecuted for rape, they moved in together.

Frangipanyoul8r · 08/02/2024 23:16

justasking111 · 08/02/2024 23:11

Had two teenagers in the 90s. I was merciless checking bags, also our hedges for bottles of booze. Also warned them that I would contact the headteacher. Other parents were lax and went out.

Then I had a late baby teenager in 2015. God they were such a boring lot by comparison. Only one very drunk incident at his friends house just the two of them an x box and a bottle of Bacardi.

The constant bag searches and bedroom raids of the poor suffering 90s teen… there weren’t any smart phones to incriminate them so parents needed to find hard evidence 😂

Moodicum · 08/02/2024 23:23

Also warned them that I would contact the headteacher

You’r parenting technique was to tell them you’d contact their headteacher? Why would she give a shit? ‘Hey, my son drank some Thunderbirds at the weekend, what you going to do head teacher’

Original poster
Pandadunks · 08/02/2024 23:23

So, more info on this party … apparently the parent will be at a neighbours but keeping an ‘eye’ on things as will the older sibling (17ish) and their friends.

friends who initially said their kids could go have now said no- much despair and wailing in Snap from the affected kids apparently 😅- it’s NOT FAIR!

OP posts:
justasking111 · 08/02/2024 23:26

Moodicum · 08/02/2024 23:23

Also warned them that I would contact the headteacher

You’r parenting technique was to tell them you’d contact their headteacher? Why would she give a shit? ‘Hey, my son drank some Thunderbirds at the weekend, what you going to do head teacher’

Well our headteacher did give a shit.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/02/2024 23:27

I went to regular parties at that age in the 90s, there was no alcohol, drugs or sex but there was snogging! Drinking with my peers started around 16 when we could get into nightclubs and get served at pubs. Never went to any parties at any age with obvious drug taking though.

Original poster
Pandadunks · 08/02/2024 23:30

Snogging’s fine! Sneaking a bit of alcohol, sure, I suppose. It was just the assumption that kids this age would be unfettered with booze and drugs that threw me…

OP posts:
whiteboardking · 08/02/2024 23:43

@ButterCrackers if you have a totally free reign as a teen they'll gravitate to other teens with the same. They'll meet up to entertain themselves..,a lot of teens with very hands off parents will seek approval of other teens..

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/02/2024 23:59

I hosted one 'party' for DC at 14/15. Although we allowed occasional alcohol with us I said no alcohol at this party. Some of the parents phoned to check we knew about the party and I assured them there would be no booze. Those were the kids who arrived pissed!

Some 13/14 year olds will be doing everything, some will dabble if it's available, some won't bother if they're carefully supervised.