AIBU to not want to continue to give my neighbour financial help?

[softrain]

I live in a small flat in an old house converted into 7 flats. Another elderly neighbour and myself (she is 76; I am in my 60s), have left what small amounts of groceries we can for the gentleman in his late 40s who lives in the basement flat, who is unwell and far from his family in Sudan. Among the groceries I have given him were included some jars of molasses. Recently this gentleman has been knocking at my door asking me to get more molasses for him. I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon (which I don't like using), for him, at a cost of £12.30. A week later he came to my door again telling me to get more molasses for him. He took rolls of £20 notes from his pockets, but did not repay the £12.30. He said he would repay this when I got him some more molasses. I said 'But then you'll still owe me another £12'. He just said 'Yeah' and went off back downstairs. I ' m not sure how to handle this - he really isn't very well - and would be very grateful for advice.

Surely everyone knows not to get their neighbours hooked on molasses?

Did they not teach you that at school?

I hate to be alarmist but black strap molasses is used for growing weed and also could be an ingredient in explosive making. Unlikely but possible... And the big rolls of cash. Does his home smell funny?

Apologies if this has been suggested (have not RTFT) but can you not turn the situation around to say you cannot get him any more until he has paid you for what you have already bought. After he has paid you can put in another order for him -- for which he will need to pay at that time, because that's when Amazon takes the money from your account and you cannot afford to be out of pocket on his behalf.
That is not being in the least unreasonable and if he refuses, then you can do likewise. And sadly, probably kiss goodbye to what he already owes you but it might be worth it to put a stop to it all.
(That's a hell of a lot of molasses he's getting through, can't be good for his health. If i buy a tin it lasts for literally years.)

Watching thread

this might explain why UK is so popular.
so many people easy to take advantage of in the illusion of being "kind and caring".

Hate speech...😵‍💫

Trust me, that's not our reputation 😂

She's obviously his only contact for molasses. Have you actually tried to find it in the supermarket? My town is not so multi cultural and the only place that had any this Christmas was Sainsbury's. Tell him to go there OP.

Drug smuggling and bombs 😂😂 fucking hell 😅

Thank you for your comment. No, unfortunately he has not repaid the money he owes despite making promises to do so. I am prepared to let this money go, but I think I will be taking the majority advice of the Mumsnet community and suggesting that he obtains his own molasses in future.

Thank you for your comment. I seem to have upset you with my earlier comment about nuance and empathy. Please accept my apologies

There was no hate speech in that comment.

I just want to know why I've never heard of molasses in my 34 years of being alive

How many of us are now googling. 'Molasses and cannabis farms' right this moment?

Thank you for your comment. I am not at all doing this and I'm quite sure I am not alone in not doing it.

This.

He's flashing his money to show he has money. He has money because HE gets others to pay for him. I've come across a few men like this in my life.

I've also known men, partners of women I was friends with, who despite their faith prohibiting alcohol, will happily drink it socially.

Seven years, OP? I do NOT have much money but I'd bet my last dollar this man has internet access.

Your kindness and "sensitivity" would be better directed to your older neighbour who has probably lost more to this man than you have. If either of you are feeling guilty for your more fortunate circumstances than those you assume of your neighbour I'd suggest a regular donation to a worthy charity.

Someone suggested a Ring doorbell. I'd agree. Or any kind of camera you can check before opening your door. I'd also suggest using the word NO - something that women are almost trained to avoid from childhood.

You posted here as you KNOW something isn't right. Listen to your gut. It probably isn't anything to do with him being vulnerable in any way. Contact the council, explain the circumstances (for both your and your elderly neighbour's sakes) and ask them to signpost you to people who can help.

I’m wondering if this is the same OP as in the “he won’t even look at me” thread, same sort of weird replies and odd social behaviour.

Just googled - it is indeed a big help to those involved in the growing of every teen's favourite recreational drug!

Exactly right, you have done nothing wrong.

Agree. Considering how feisty and sarky she is on this thread it makes no sense that she is pretending she can’t say boo to a goose. And insisting on calling this exploitative, grasping neighbour a ‘gentleman’ is just delusional.

I agree about contacting adult social care. I don't think it would be overstepping atall, I think it would be a very kind thing to do as this gentleman sounds like he could do with some professional support. There is only so much you and your neighbour can do.

This.

No, I can't.

Repeat this over and over until he gers the message.

If you order off Amazon and he pays you, I don’t see the effort in getting it for him. He needs to get up to date with the payment. I would do it for a neighbour who could not use the internet. I would do favours for my older neighbours if I liked them. They do stuff for me too, like keep an eye when I am away etc.

The only issue is if they ask for even more stuff, such as all his shopping. There needs to be either a line or a quid pro to be comfortable.