AIBU to not want to continue to give my neighbour financial help?

[softrain]

I live in a small flat in an old house converted into 7 flats. Another elderly neighbour and myself (she is 76; I am in my 60s), have left what small amounts of groceries we can for the gentleman in his late 40s who lives in the basement flat, who is unwell and far from his family in Sudan. Among the groceries I have given him were included some jars of molasses. Recently this gentleman has been knocking at my door asking me to get more molasses for him. I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon (which I don't like using), for him, at a cost of £12.30. A week later he came to my door again telling me to get more molasses for him. He took rolls of £20 notes from his pockets, but did not repay the £12.30. He said he would repay this when I got him some more molasses. I said 'But then you'll still owe me another £12'. He just said 'Yeah' and went off back downstairs. I ' m not sure how to handle this - he really isn't very well - and would be very grateful for advice.

This is not a sensitive situation, op?

This is trickier as the man is a neighbour. I would write off the12 quid he owes. As to the request for more molasses, I would conveniently "forget" to order them. He might realise that you know he is taking the Michael. If not, and if not and he asks where his molasses are, you can say you forgot/can't afford them.

Just say no and close the door in his face.
No drama needed.

Molasses has been used historically in making explosives. Not saying that this is what he is doing but it seems an odd substance to be needing so frequently.

I would not buy any more. YANBU.

Write off the £12 he owes you and have nothing more to do with him. He's a scrounger taking advantage of your good nature. Charity can bring food to him if they so wish.

Just say no! If he persists, point out that he already owes you £xx and that you won’t be ordering him any more. Ask him to pay you what he owes, too!

I love MN some days. The suggested uses for his multiple jars of molasses include:

• Making explosives
• Hiding drugs and taking these to someone in jail
• Topping up his iron levels
• Making home brew
• Using it as a wound dressing for ulcers

My bet is a side hustle in making pecan and treacle tarts 😉

What is with the obsession on this thread of what he is doing with molasses? OP says he is from Sudan. The Sudanese use loads of molasses; it bloody comes from there! That’s were the UK imports it from. They use it in their cooking and baking and mixed with hot water for a drink. It’s used a lot. Now we’ve got someone suggesting he is making explosives? Bloody hell. The ignorance is astounding never mind the thinly veiled racism.

@Itslegitimatesalvage I am from a similar ethnicity and apparently the same religion as the gentleman. No racism intended. It struck me as odd that no other food is being requested aside from molasses. There are multiple uses for molasses I mentioned one which is concerning.

Been there done this. I had an elderly neighbour who at first just needed a daily paper buying and delivering. He didn’t pay us for the papers so my husband sorted out those pre paid voucher things for him. Next it was shopping had to be from Sainsbury’s. He would ‘forget’ to pay us or pay smaller amounts than he owed. It was definitely not related to him lacking money. He eventually died owing us a fair bit. I did like the old boy though. We used to share gardeners. His family asked us to pay them to cut neighbour’s grass till the house was sold. We paid it once and never got that back either 😂. Anyway OP I would buy your neighbour some more treacle. Unfortunately this batch would have an unexpected laxative effect on him.

He's not worried about sponging off you even though he has money.
Why are you giving him more consideration than he's giving you?

people take the mick. We have a Big Issue lady where we shop on a Saturday. When it was very cold we gave her a couple of quid for a coffee and every time she sees us now she shouts 'pound, pound' to us from across the road like its expected. I'm trying to get Billy Chip organised at the local Costa for her.

Your a woman so he sees you as beneath him and a second class citizen, he doesn't care two shits about you.

Would he do it to a man or a man from.his community NO

He hasn't asked her to contact anyone on his behalf and she's already running around after him, whilst posting on here saying she doesn't want to continue to do it, which is frankly nuts, as she is then rejecting common sense advice in order to paint herself as such a kind and caring person. Fine - she should just get on with it, then (back to the old saying 'Nobody loves a martyr').

Meanwhile, back in the real world, this man has identified her as a complete and utter mug, who will order things for him without being paid. (Did OP ask him how he's ill, but well enough to somehow get hold of rolls of £20 notes whilst needing other people to do his shopping? Hmm, I wonder..)

How do you know? He might just be a wierdo, which is why no one "from his community" has offered to source his molasses for him. People can be odd, or aresholes without making it about race or religion.

😂😂😂 Just lost control of my coffee through laughing....

This. And there are a lot of naive people who haven't realised it.

Cheeky bustard __

If he has the money to pay help him order some online and show him how to do an online supermarket delivery. That's If he has a smartphone. He needs to learn to help himself.

Thank you for your post. What is penis beaker

Trust me, you don’t want to know. 😀

If he is long term I’ll he really needs more help. I don’t think this sounds like a situation that’ll improve as he ages. I’d call SS just to put him on their radar. That was they can ensure he’s receiving any medical help he needs and put him in the direction of meal deliveries etc..

So he's refusing to pay you what he owes you until you order him more sugar?
Absolutely not, when he comes asking again just say 'I'm not buying you anymore as you haven't paid me for the last time I bought some for you, once you pay me for what I've already gotten you if you then want anymore you need to pay me in advance so I don't have to chase you again, if that doesn't suit you then I'm happy for you to have the molasses I've already purchased you for free as a parting gift from me but don't come knocking on my door again'
He isn't all that poor and innocent if he's trying to without funds to get you to do what he wants !

You should have held your hand out for a twenty 🤷🏽‍♀️

Hang on.. did he give you £20? Can’t your just give him the change and say that he’s paid for what you’ve given him but you can’t help him get any more?

I can see this feels tricky, OP, especially as it's a neighbour. So you definitely need to harness the assertiveness and snark you are using on this thread and apply it to your interactions with this guy. You've definitely got it!