AIBU to not want to continue to give my neighbour financial help?

[softrain]

I live in a small flat in an old house converted into 7 flats. Another elderly neighbour and myself (she is 76; I am in my 60s), have left what small amounts of groceries we can for the gentleman in his late 40s who lives in the basement flat, who is unwell and far from his family in Sudan. Among the groceries I have given him were included some jars of molasses. Recently this gentleman has been knocking at my door asking me to get more molasses for him. I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon (which I don't like using), for him, at a cost of £12.30. A week later he came to my door again telling me to get more molasses for him. He took rolls of £20 notes from his pockets, but did not repay the £12.30. He said he would repay this when I got him some more molasses. I said 'But then you'll still owe me another £12'. He just said 'Yeah' and went off back downstairs. I ' m not sure how to handle this - he really isn't very well - and would be very grateful for advice.

@softrain I'd just say I don't have the money spare and point him towards Amazon to get his own. The fella sounds pretty ungrateful.

Are you afraid of saying no to him OP? Some men think women, especially older ones, owe them.

Just tell him he has to clear his debt and in future, if he wishes you to buy something for him, he has to pay up front.

Why did you start doing this? He has money? So what are you doing?

Just say no. It’s a two letter word. It isn’t hard. Go down to his door, show him the cost of the order and ask for the money back. Then don’t order anything else. If you are concerned about him then call adult social services. Stop answering your door to him and stop buying him bloody food.

In what way is he unwell? Do you mean mentally or physically? Why did he take money out of his pocket in front of you if not to pay you? All sounds a bit odd...

He's taking the piss, you did a kind deed once and now it's not on any more.

Just don't order them. If he come asking again, say you can't afford to. You didn't mind buying him the first lot, and felt bullied into the second, but now you cannot afford to buy more. He needs to pay you back the £12.30 and pay in advance.

How did the conversation about ordering molasses come about???
Is he eating it or perhaps using it on ulcers like manuka honey?

If he is vulnerable and sick, I'd called adult social services and let them make an assessment. No more ordering for him!

Thank you for your post. I thought the iron in molasses might be of help.

Thank you for your post. He seems physically unwell as he stumbles when he walks. I think he is also very sad because he is missing his family who are in Sudan, where there is war at the moment so he is probably also very worried

Definitely agree with printing out the last invoice and giving it to him.

If you are happy to keep ordering it, ask for £25, to cover the previous order and the next one.

Some people think molasses has health benefits. A lady I know swears by it. She reckons one tablespoon a day helps to keep her joint pain at bay and enabled her to reduce the medication.

Hmmm, stumbling when he walks and large quantities of molasses... I'd say a home brewing pisshead then.

Thank you for your post. This gentleman's religion prohibits alcohol.

Elderly neighbour 76, don't let her hear you say that! I got into a similar situation, but we had become friends. He lived in our road, but right the other end,we went out for meals, coffee,he came to us for BBQs. During lockdown I offered to get his daily paper,he had lots of health issues,was waiting for a new hip. He paid me for the papers. Then rang could I get a loaf say,that wasn't expensive,he would get out a little purse, and apparently had little money. So I said not to worry. (He had a son living in the same village who hardly bothered) This was about 4 years ago, before COVID, the papers alone were £20 a month. I put a note in his door saying I was coming round. His mobility was very bad,he had carers by now. He hadn't answered the door. His son put a reply through mine, saying he offered me the money,yes,a couple of times when it was pennies. We had become friends so it was awkward. He died a couple of years ago, his son didn't even bother to tell me, I found out from another neighbour, and that in fact he did have very little money. He couldn't drive,had food parcels delivered. It's made me wary .

Thank you for your post. We have known this gentleman for more than 7 years. He has repeatedly told us that he is ill and requested help.

And in those 7yrs- neither yourself or the other neighbour having called adult social services or sought professional help from him if he really is sick and in need???

‘I’ll get you some more when you’ve paid me for the last lot. But just so as you know, I shall need to be paid in advance in future.’

Why were you donating food to him in the first place OP? did you think he had no money? Maybe he thinks you have a surplus supply of molasses in your flat, next time he asks I would say "I don't have any more". And give him nothing else. else. CF 2.0.

He’s taken you for a 7 year ride.

Jesus. The OP is saying the guy is unwell. The PP’s advice is good.

Am I the only one that doesn't know what molasses are?!?!

Other than a line from the song Black Velvet where I'm sure she sings about something being like "Molasses in the sky"?!?!?

You just need to be assertive with this neighbour. Tell him to pay the £12.50 he owes you, then he will need to pay in advance for any more he wants you to order.

Pretend he is a scary man and when you see him, act like you are scared and move fast away from him , so he can get the message that he is becoming unpleasant to you and hopefully curb his behaviour.

Hes taking advantage of your kindness. Tell him no.

Just say no but point him in the direction of where he could get done from as he has the money

How does one eat mollasses? Do they spread it on toast like marmite or some other way? It looks like tar.