AIBU to not want to continue to give my neighbour financial help?

[softrain]

I live in a small flat in an old house converted into 7 flats. Another elderly neighbour and myself (she is 76; I am in my 60s), have left what small amounts of groceries we can for the gentleman in his late 40s who lives in the basement flat, who is unwell and far from his family in Sudan. Among the groceries I have given him were included some jars of molasses. Recently this gentleman has been knocking at my door asking me to get more molasses for him. I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon (which I don't like using), for him, at a cost of £12.30. A week later he came to my door again telling me to get more molasses for him. He took rolls of £20 notes from his pockets, but did not repay the £12.30. He said he would repay this when I got him some more molasses. I said 'But then you'll still owe me another £12'. He just said 'Yeah' and went off back downstairs. I ' m not sure how to handle this - he really isn't very well - and would be very grateful for advice.

I don't understand. Are you looking for a particular sort of advice other than, Ask him for the money; Stop buying him molasses; Point him in the direction of help; Point help in the direction of him.

I've only read the OP's posts.

Are there other people from Sudan in your community, or an Iman you could ask for advice?
He sounds isolated and in need of more support than you should be giving him.

Bloody hell, Does he know the cost of dentistry?

Thank you for your post. Sometimes nuance and empathy are called for if we are to try to understand each other and try to get along with each other. I have read all the - mostly very kind and helpful - comments from the Mumsnet community, and I am very grateful for all the positive advice that has so kindly been offered in response to my request for advice in a quite sensitive situation.

What do you mean he insisted? Jut say no.

I literally thought the same 😂He needs to slow down...

This is utterly bonkers. Unbelievable.

Ok, so he's ill and maybe can't go out but he clearly has money. Why can't he order from Amazon himself?

You are being taken advantage of. You need to stand up to him and say no.

He’s taking advantage of you.
Now he thinks you’re his lackey!
Or he thinks he can just treat people in the Uk that way - demanding handouts.

Either say no, or say you have no money.
No more helping him.

Honestly OP you are overthinking this.
Go round to his flat and ask him for your money.
You most likely won't get it but if you do it repeatedly he will realise you mean business and stop asking you for more.
I would badger him so much, he would be avoiding me, not the other way around.

He is sick. Ok. Here is what he can do.
*He can walk
*He can get to the door
*He has access to money, he probably has a bank account.
Assuming he doesn't not have Amazon, send him a link to sign up. Then send him the link to the molasses. You don't have his email or phone number? Print it out and give it to him.
You don't have to be worried about offending him. He is not worried about offending you.

softrain · Today 10:09

I have read all the - mostly very kind and helpful - comments from the Mumsnet community, and I am very grateful for all the positive advice that has so kindly been offered in response to my request for advice in a quite sensitive situation.

Whether this is actually a 'sensitive situation' is a matter of opinion. Some might call it allowing someone to take advantage of you, asking for help and then refusing to listen. This man knows quite well what he is doing and if you are happy to be taken advantage of, then fine, crack on.

You really need to stop buying the molasses for him not only because he is taking advantage of your kind nature but also because it is so very high in sugar, consuming this in large quantities will not help his health issues, whatever they may be.

Does he work/go out anywhere? How does he get other food in? Surely he can get a taxi to a supermarket and make these purchases himself and if he is unable to get out on his own then he most definitely does need a referral to adult ss.

Stop supplying him with something which really isn’t doing him too much good.

OP is trying to be kind and helpful to an unwell neighbour . I know I’d help out if I was in the same situation. But honestly molasses isn’t doing him much good I’d think at all. Just say no you can’t purchase it anymore . He’ll get the message in time .

This is so unclear - did he OFFER you the £20 and you said no? You could have taken the extra as a service fee, or put it towards the next purchase or previous purchases…it does seem like he has access to cash but no card and lacks means to get out so in a cashless society he’s a bit stuck isn’t he

I thought this. Stop letting him take you for a ride. It's fine to say no.

Thank you for your post. Why would he be worried that purchases of molasses could be traced back to him? This is a genuine question

Honestly OP I see nothing sensitive about this situation. He keeps asking you to buy things with no repayment. All you have to do is say no. The end.
Your wording in the above reply makes you seem like a soft touch. #bekind also means being kind to yourself.
Help should be gratefully received not demanded in an entitled manner.

I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon

Are you frightened of him?

Why did you hand them over without him paying?

Edited for typos.

I think this bloke has you down for a bit of a mug, OP. So far he's right. Worth remembering that just because someone is in difficult circumstances, that doesn't automatically make them a nice person who is deserving of continued support.

So what if he is from Sudan and unwell?
Does this entitle him to go round people's houses demanding endless purchases of molasses 😂😂😂
You told him things are difficult for you and he didn't give a hoot, so in response you ordered more molasses - that's pretty bonkers to be honest!

Why won't you ring SS. He needs help and they can access that for him better than you can

This thread has amused me. Why molasses of all things?

😂Just say no. Thought it was going to be rice or bread or something.
You're a lovely neighbour though, what a kind thing to do in the first place.

Take the money from what he has given you and post the change through his door