AIBU to not want to continue to give my neighbour financial help?

[softrain]

I live in a small flat in an old house converted into 7 flats. Another elderly neighbour and myself (she is 76; I am in my 60s), have left what small amounts of groceries we can for the gentleman in his late 40s who lives in the basement flat, who is unwell and far from his family in Sudan. Among the groceries I have given him were included some jars of molasses. Recently this gentleman has been knocking at my door asking me to get more molasses for him. I tried to explain that things were a bit difficult for me at the moment, but he insisted, so I ordered 3 more jars from Amazon (which I don't like using), for him, at a cost of £12.30. A week later he came to my door again telling me to get more molasses for him. He took rolls of £20 notes from his pockets, but did not repay the £12.30. He said he would repay this when I got him some more molasses. I said 'But then you'll still owe me another £12'. He just said 'Yeah' and went off back downstairs. I ' m not sure how to handle this - he really isn't very well - and would be very grateful for advice.

Thank you for your post. Calling Social Services about a neighbour who is going through a bit of a bad patch seems intrusive and perhaps interfering, but I have taken on board what you are saying and will try to work out what's best to do.

Molasses is not the issue. CF neighbour is.

Get a ring doorbell and stop answering the door to him. Keep moving if you spot him outside the flat, "sorry can't stop now!"

And if he truly needs help I'm sure adult social work would like to have him on their radar.

He's taking advantage. Stop being a mug.

I think I would be a millionaire if I set up assertiveness training for the women of Mumsnet. A good starting point is to try vocalising how you feel - i started buying you groceries because I wanted to help you but now I feel like you might be taking advantage of me. I am no longer comfortable doing this for you, I hope you understand.

You are too kind for your own good. You have to.learn to stand up for yourself. With all that molasses he will soon be asking you to pay his dental bills. Just say no and mean it. You are being taken for a mug.

Thank you for your post. This gentleman's religion prohibits alcohol.

I don't mean to he horrible and call you naive but..

Ha, I was about to say the same.

Lidl and Aldi sometimes sell mollasses. I used to get mine from there. Do you know his status? There might be local charities who could support him. It's tough living completely by yourself, with no family (I'm second generation immigrant) If you'd have said that he was she and from the Ukraine you'd get different responses. War in Sudan doesn't quite matter as much. Does he have the type of debit card that allows online ordering? There are a few reasons why he might need help. Could you suggest support via his place of religion? There's usually community workers.

This man flaunts a roll of 20s in front of you but doesn't pay you what he owes you and demands you buy more molasses for him without upfront payment which he tacitly admits he will not pay you for. Seems like a simple decision to me, OP.
I would add that anyone who carries a roll of 20s around with him is making plenty of money, probably illegally.
Could he be using those jars of molasses for illicit purposes? Scooping some out to hide something within the jar? To get drugs into prison, for instance? I may be letting my imagination run away with me but there is a chance that you are inadvertently aiding and abetting criminal activity.
Whether or no, you and your friend must stop using your own money to 'help' this man. He is taking you for a ride.

Why can't he order his own? If you're happy to still do the ordering then I'd say that he needs to pay you what he owes and going forward, you need money upfront. You need to change this situation.

Afterthought. He may be getting you to order this stuff so that the purchases cannot be traced back to him.

@HowToSaveAWife only if he knew how to contact someone for help. I'm quite active in the Nigerian and Ghana communities and help people with varies parts if life that we take for granted. People from Sudan live in a completely different society.

Sounds like a scammer. Almost certainly working cash in hand jobs and living of tax payer money.

"Could he be using those jars of molasses for illicit purposes? Scooping some out to hide something within the jar? To get drugs into prison, for instance?"

What the fuck? 🤪🤪 you can't take jars of molasses in to prison, and the fucking mess if you tried to hide drugs in there 🤣😅. You need to turn the telly off mate

Well demanding your neighbour fund and facilitate your molasses habit is a bit intrusive too, but it doesn’t seem to have bothered him…

These responses 😂 he’s smuggling drugs into prison, he’s working cash in hand and a scammer, he’s making home brew and is a piss head!

Hello, XXXX, you look a bit brighter, are you feeling any better? This weather we’re having at the moment can’t help, it’s diabolical. Oh you want more molasses? Okey doke, Can you pay me the £12 for the last lot? And if you pay me £12 now I’ll go in and order you some more this afternoon. I’ll tell you what, if you’ve got all that cash on you now, let’s just call it twenty quid? Cheerio, I’ll drop them round when Amazon deliver them. Take care!

@VainVillein you think that drugs are smuggled into prison in jars? Do you think coming from an African country were you can't trust banks, get paid in cash, so that's what you've done all your life, deal in cash, is easy to just relearn? Especially if you rely on other people to do your shopping etc? His bank account may still have restrictions on it. Those fleeing war in Sudan didn't have the benefits those in the Ukraine and Afghanistan had.

You don't seem to want any practical advice about the right things to do to actually help someone who has struggled for 7 years. You just seem to want to make lots of excuses for him. 🤷‍♀️

And there are a lot of alcoholics among people whose religion forbids alcohol.

If he's been here for 7 years surely by now he can order his own molasses.
Typical sexist male wanting a woman to do his work.
Do not give him any money in any form.

No one loves a martyr, they just take this piss out of them - just say 'No' and don't do it! And why did you not take one of the £20 notes he was waving around? He owes you money already, for goodness sake!

Why, oh why do people think they have to be martyrs?

Thank you for your post. What practical advice are you offering?

He sounds like he could be a bit confused.

Just tell him you don't have the money, repeatedly.

How can he be getting through it so quickly! Agree you need to say no. Is he vulnerable?

SisterMichaelsHabit post is spot-on - no point in offering any advice if all OP does is make excuses. Carry on with the martyr act (yawn).