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AIBU?

To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1382 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
76%
You are NOT being unreasonable
24%
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/02/2024 03:10

If you don’t want to watch tv on your night then he should be able to chooose what to watch instead. Surely it’s about who chooses what you watch together not one of you having access to the tv and the other one doesn’t (is the second buy another tv).
your being pathetic and controlling to tell him that because you don’t want to watch tv he can’t.

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LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/02/2024 03:16

Imagine if you went to work and asked your colleague if they watched anything good last night and they said no I am not allowed to watch tv on Wednesdays.

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MCOut · 08/02/2024 03:18

You’re not controlling, I lived with someone who had the TV on constantly. I didn’t realise until I moved flat and it immediately stuck me how badly it had impacted me. I felt like my body had been constantly tense and now with the quiet I could relax. You can’t be expected to not use your lounge and confine yourself to your room because he has to watch TV all the time.

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wellhello24 · 08/02/2024 03:19

Anotherparkingthread · 08/02/2024 00:05

I absolutely bloody hate the TV op. I watch films on occasion and enjoy them but I feel the same, love the house quiet, time to think and do and make etc.

I go to relatives and friends houses and they don't select what they want to watch they just habitually turn the TV on slop out in front of it. I don't even think they really enjoy it, they just have no idea what else they would do if they didn't! I think it's very sad and miserable.

They are the same people who tell me they don't have time to do anything, never have time to exercise etc but must watch hundreds of hours of TV every month.

Enjoy your quite time it's as much of a right and he gets more days than you anyway.

All people seem to do these days is sit and watch TV! It’s all my colleagues ever talk about: TV programs! People are becoming right couch potatoes. OP does your DH not have any hobbies, exercise etc or helping you with taking the kids to activities ? He sounds sofa shaped. People are becoming so lazy these days- sit on their arse while wfh then sit on their arse gormlessly watching TV all evening

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GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 03:21

Liquorice do you watch telly for hours every single night then?

He can watch TV on the "quiet" nights as she is out dropping kids off etc. So he can still watch TV if that's the issue. But not all evening so there's some quiet in the house.

I'm genuinely curious if "TV for hours every night " is a normal expectation? (Happy to concede for most people it is by this thread just am in my own little bubble trying to avoid my kids thinking this!)

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:28

Having the TV on all evening sounds miserable to me. I can't settle to anything else if the TV is on - even if he was using headphones, the flickering light is very distracting. Why shouldn't he go into another room, rather than impacting on everyone else?

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 03:35

So if you're watching a program that's on say over five nights, DH is following it, but it's "your" TV night, but you don't want it in because you're sorting out a dresser (presumably the dresser is the size of a car park) he can't watch that episode because it's your TV bight and you don't want it on.

Even though your opening line is, we get to choose what we watch on TV?

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 03:36

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:28

Having the TV on all evening sounds miserable to me. I can't settle to anything else if the TV is on - even if he was using headphones, the flickering light is very distracting. Why shouldn't he go into another room, rather than impacting on everyone else?

Impacting on OP, not everyone else. OP who is clearing out the dresser?

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GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 03:36

He still can as she's out driving kids around on "her" nights so he can still watch an episode. Just not hours all evening.

Is the assumption then for many people that the TV is on for multiple hours a night the issue is just what to watch?

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:40

@doilooklikeicare I find it does impact on everyone. OP's husband could just go upstairs if there's something on that he'd rather watch. I find if it's on, it takes over the whole space, and makes talking to the kids etc difficult.

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:43

Interesting things happen if the TV isn't on. The kids read or draw, play games, things like that. If the TV is on, they just zombie. That's OK sometimes, but all evening every evening - bleugh!

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 03:43

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:40

@doilooklikeicare I find it does impact on everyone. OP's husband could just go upstairs if there's something on that he'd rather watch. I find if it's on, it takes over the whole space, and makes talking to the kids etc difficult.

The kids are watching their phones, if you're clearing out a dresser I'm not sure how relaxing the area needs to be?

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:48

Kids presumably put the phones down at some point. I suspect if he was putting on to watch something specific, OP would be a lot more OK with it. It's just that contact on for no reason that's awful.

For some people, that constant input is just miserable. Why should OP have to be uncomfortable in her own house ?

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starlight889 · 08/02/2024 03:51

She’s choosing to not watch TV. It’s her turn and she isn’t using. Anyone with any common sense would assume if it’s not being used, someone else can use it.

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 03:54

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 03:48

Kids presumably put the phones down at some point. I suspect if he was putting on to watch something specific, OP would be a lot more OK with it. It's just that contact on for no reason that's awful.

For some people, that constant input is just miserable. Why should OP have to be uncomfortable in her own house ?

Why should her OH have to be uncomfortable in his?

Why does her need, trump his?

It literally says "we get to choose what to watch", she's chosen nothing and is being difficult that he has something he wants to watch,

It's not up to her to police what he likes to watch.

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 04:12

@doilooklikeicare In my experience, the TV on isn't just going to impact OP, it impacts the whole house. And it's not like he can't watch it upstairs.

As far as a sensory experience goes, for me, having the TV on line that would be kind of like someone sitting in the lounge room and making really stinky farts.

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GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 04:15

I'm still not quite getting this.

Those saying "common sense" says if one isn't watching TV the other can - does that genuinely mean people are happy with several hours of TV every night. Is that really "common sense"? I'd hate that.

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SD1978 · 08/02/2024 04:20

What activities are you sitting in the living room doing? I'm sorry- it does seem strange to me that you'd rather you both sat in soon enough because it's your night to choose and you don't want anything- I would assume this arrangement meant if you didn't pick- it was acceptable for the other person to do so.

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GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 04:22

SD is the only thing you do in the evening tv watching?

It seems so odd to me that the default is that "something" is on.

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 04:25

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 04:12

@doilooklikeicare In my experience, the TV on isn't just going to impact OP, it impacts the whole house. And it's not like he can't watch it upstairs.

As far as a sensory experience goes, for me, having the TV on line that would be kind of like someone sitting in the lounge room and making really stinky farts.

Ok ok then, well if you liken a firm of entertainment to "really sticky farts", not much u can add to that.

No rationale discussion can possibly be had.

TV = like really stinky farts

I think that's one of the oddest things I've read on MN.

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SD1978 · 08/02/2024 04:36

@GettingBetter2024 - absolutely not- I am happy to read also. I just wouldn't expect everyone else to sit in silence whilst I did it.

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Mislou · 08/02/2024 04:41

YANBU
I want to enjoy time in my home without the sound of the tv blaring out every single day. You’ve got a right to do that on your nights

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LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 04:43

@doilooklikeicare Different people have different subjective sensory experiences. There - does that help?

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SilverBranchGoldenPears · 08/02/2024 04:44

Move elsewhere OP. This is ridiculous. You can’t control someone else watching a TV in a public (family) space. You sound very hard work. I hate TV. Never watch it but the only place I police it is in my bedroom!

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 04:45

LameBorzoi · 08/02/2024 04:43

@doilooklikeicare Different people have different subjective sensory experiences. There - does that help?

Not at all!

But really you do you!

TV = stinky farts GrinGrinGrin

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