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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 07/02/2024 23:11

So if you don’t want to watch the tv and are doing something else, he’s not allowed to watch the tv?

Justmadness · 07/02/2024 23:12

This is weird. He can't watch TV even though no one else is watching it. Seems controlling.

Wasbedeudetetdas · 07/02/2024 23:12

Is there another comparable TV he can watch? If not then you probably need to locate to another room (bedroom?) and do whatever you want to do quietly, while he watches tv in the lounge.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 07/02/2024 23:13

Wow this all sounds very forced and miserable.

Sounds like bluetooth headphones would fix the issue, though.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/02/2024 23:13

Could you buy another telly for the bedroom/ different room? That way you can always both watch what you like.

DillyDilly · 07/02/2024 23:14

I'm wondering why can't your DH do some of the dropping to/from activities ?

But it does seem unfair if you're not watching TV on your night, that he can't look at TV.

Walking2024now33days · 07/02/2024 23:15

Justmadness · 07/02/2024 23:12

This is weird. He can't watch TV even though no one else is watching it. Seems controlling.

Not really, on her nights she's opting for a quiet atmosphere where she can relax in the communal area. When she goes out to run the kids around he can watch what he likes (as well as his nights)

it's her nights to choose, whether she chooses Eastenders or quiet us surely up to her.

threads like this remind me why I LOVE living on my own!

CrushingOnRubies · 07/02/2024 23:16

This sounds very unfair

I fine if you don't want to watch tv but do so somewhere else. However if you want to read a chapter and then watch tv then it should still be your night for tv.

Tbh I would rig up another tv somwhere saves a lot of hassle

WandaWonder · 07/02/2024 23:16

sounds controlling

Hehgg · 07/02/2024 23:17

Wow. I almost want to buy a second tv for you.

Herdinggoats · 07/02/2024 23:17

Headphones at a push, but yes YABU.

ManchesterGirl2 · 07/02/2024 23:19

I think "peace and quiet" in the lounge is just as valid a choice as TV. He sounds a bit addicted.

Starlightstarbright3 · 07/02/2024 23:20

Yabu - you don’t want it so no one else can 🤷‍♂️. It all seems to rigid .

I never watch Tv on my phone . I hate it not relaxing at all.

SendOver · 07/02/2024 23:21

I can't imagine living like that.
We just watch TV when we want. If my DH tried to control when I watch TV I'd tell him to fuck off.

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2024 23:22

if I lived in the house I expect to occasionally be able to choose to relax without the tv on. If there’s only one living room then he has to find somewhere else. You can watch tv on a huge range of devices. You cannot create a second living room with a snap of your fingers.
also, why can’t he do some drop offs?

Original poster
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:24

He watches the same shows again and again, not even really watching, as playing on his phone too. I would generally relocate, but am trying to sort through a dresser which is in the same room.

OP posts:
Jingleballs2 · 07/02/2024 23:24

There's nothing good about having to sit in the same room miserable watching something you don't want to, or watching nothing if you'd prefer to. Why can't you just both do your own thing? Put a TV in another room too

Wasbedeudetetdas · 07/02/2024 23:25

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2024 23:22

if I lived in the house I expect to occasionally be able to choose to relax without the tv on. If there’s only one living room then he has to find somewhere else. You can watch tv on a huge range of devices. You cannot create a second living room with a snap of your fingers.
also, why can’t he do some drop offs?

Or OP could find somewhere else?

Original poster
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:25

There is another T.V in our bedroom he just prefers to be downstairs.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 07/02/2024 23:26

Wasbedeudetetdas · 07/02/2024 23:25

Or OP could find somewhere else?

Show quote history

Yep my thoughts exactly.

Hankunamatata · 07/02/2024 23:27

Get him some headphones

IntheSnowySnowyMountains · 07/02/2024 23:28

If DH had his way the TV would be on every waking hour. Sometimes I like peace and quiet, so YANBU at all! We do compromise sometimes, usually by him wearing headphones if it's daytime. In the eenings we usually agree on something to watch together.

Original poster
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:28

DH doesn't drive. I have no issue with that.

OP posts:
bastin · 07/02/2024 23:30

So you don't want to watch the tv but nobody else is allowed to either

How strange

Why don't you take yourself upstairs instead of getting in the way downstairs

bumblefeline · 07/02/2024 23:31

Blimey what a miserable existence.