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To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1382 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
SouthLondonMum22 · 07/02/2024 23:31

YABU. You can decide you don't want to watch TV but it's a bit much to tell someone else that they can't watch TV either.

Notalldogs23 · 07/02/2024 23:32

I find it distracting to have a TV on in a room I'm in - I can't just zone out, I like to either properly watch or turn it off, so I get you.

Can you put some music on - then you have entertainment and he can't reasonably put the TV on at the same time.

Wasbedeudetetdas · 07/02/2024 23:33

Hankunamatata · 07/02/2024 23:27

Get him some headphones

Or get herself some?

ManchesterGirl2 · 07/02/2024 23:33

bastin · 07/02/2024 23:30

So you don't want to watch the tv but nobody else is allowed to either

How strange

Why don't you take yourself upstairs instead of getting in the way downstairs

Why shouldn't he take himself upstairs and watch the TV that she's said is in the bedroom?

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/02/2024 23:34

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:24

He watches the same shows again and again, not even really watching, as playing on his phone too. I would generally relocate, but am trying to sort through a dresser which is in the same room.

I've read your posts to my DH, and he laughed in recognition at this one! Yanbu at all!

DH "watches" a lot of crap, while I prefer to have the telly off if there's nothing interesting, but mostly I leave him to it. I do sometimes ask that he find something I'll enjoy after 9pm, though. And he's only allowed sport on a weekend (which seems to be Friday, Saturday and Sunday) though he still watches on his phone other days, and "important" games on weekdays ( internationals, Andy Murray in a tennis final...) are permitted.

OooPourUsACupLove · 07/02/2024 23:34

YANBU. It's a shared space that happens to have a TV in it. On his days he can choose that the space is used to watch his TV and you can either join in or go elsewhere, on your days you can choose that the space is used for something other than TV and he can either join in or go elsewhere.

mummy21blueeyed · 07/02/2024 23:35

What a strange set up. If I didn’t want to watch tv I wouldn’t be but to stop my partner from
doing so? Absolutely not and he’s laugh at me if I told him he couldn’t. This is strange strange behaviour.

TheChosenTwo · 07/02/2024 23:36

This sounds like such a bizarre set up for adults to me.
Reminds me of when my brother and I were teenagers with separate rooms but only 1 tv between us. We used to swap it over from one room to the other on a Sunday. It meant that you couldn’t really get into watching anything as you’d have a week long gap in a storyline of anything 😂
Anyway op if you have another tv in the house he could watch I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to have your peace and quiet while you do some sorting - he does have another option. i only really watch tv in bed when I go up, otherwise I’m doing other stuff but do like it to wind down to in bed.

it seems a bit petty of a set up from the outset tbh.

Boobettes · 07/02/2024 23:38

Can he get headphones for the TV?

I'd think my DH had taken leave of his senses if he didn't want to watch TV but told me I wasn't allowed to watch it either.

Rookie93 · 07/02/2024 23:39

No don't think your not being U at all. To me choosing not to have the TV on at all is as valid a choice as deciding which programme to watch. As you say your partner has 4 nights to decide what to watch as well as while your out of the house. Seems plenty of choice to me. Also why aren't they doing some of the DC pick up/drop off ?
My OH puts the TV on automatically when entering a room then flicks through multiple channels while half watching sport and looking at his phone. We did have a house with 3 tvs on two different floors and sometimes I'd find all three on and him somewhere else completely. This drives me mad, as a result we have two TV's and the room I use is the most comfortable one.

toastandtwo · 07/02/2024 23:42

I don’t think YABU… we don’t actually have a TV in the sitting room but if we’re in bed and DH is watching and I’m not he always uses headphones. I hate background TV.

goingdownfighting · 07/02/2024 23:42

The thing is. Were you watching tv together on your night to choose??in which case I understand where he's coming from. But I do understand that you want some time to clear out the dresser.

I'd say you can watch tv if you clear out the dresser and then go upstairs for my peace and quiet.

Or headphones.

ohmyohmy123 · 07/02/2024 23:42

You are more than entitled to peace and quiet when it's your turn.

I have sensory issues but sit through sports with dh because he enjoys it. However it really bothers me and he just doesn't get it.

We used to have a tv in the bedroom but DH would leave it on all night and I couldn't bear it. I need silence to cope.

Don't back down as you are already being accommodating to him. Alternatively ear phones are great!!

MissRheingold · 07/02/2024 23:45

Jesus wept!

This reminds me of the Steptoe & Son episode where the divided the house in half including the TV!

How can people live like this?

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2024 23:46

This all seems too strict. Whoever sits in front of the tv first chooses in our house. The other person either watches too, goes somewhere else or watches a tablet. If I wanted to watch the tv and my DH said no because he wanted quiet, I wouldn’t be too impressed. It’s not like I can easily move the tv from the lounge.

MissRheingold · 07/02/2024 23:48

RunningFromInsanity · 07/02/2024 23:11

So if you don’t want to watch the tv and are doing something else, he’s not allowed to watch the tv?

I'm surprised that he hasn't gone out looking for alternative 'entertainment' rather than sit at home twiddling his thumbs because his wife won't let him watch tv!

ManchesterLu · 07/02/2024 23:49

YABVU. He shouldn't have to sit in silence just because you want to. I value my peace and quiet and like reading in the living room - I use white noise & noise cancelling headphones which works really well.

InAPickle12345 · 07/02/2024 23:54

@Walking2024now33days no one puts it better than you!

There's an agreement, OP has 3 nights where she chooses what to do with the TV and she chooses to turn it off. Her DP has access to media by other devices so he's not flipping deprived.

I think experimenting with the atmosphere in your home is a great thing, other media or simply silence switches a mind shift sometimes.

And like @Walking2024now33days this is why I LOVE living on my own!

NewName24 · 07/02/2024 23:55

Yes, YABU.
DH and I have quite different tastes in what we like to watch on TV, but if I'm not watching and he wants to it wouldn't cross my mind to stop him, nor he I.

One of us would go to another room if wanted to concentrate, or could put earphones on if had to be in that room to do a job, like you want to be.

Mind, I'd never choose open plan living space.

InAPickle12345 · 07/02/2024 23:55

ManchesterLu · 07/02/2024 23:49

YABVU. He shouldn't have to sit in silence just because you want to. I value my peace and quiet and like reading in the living room - I use white noise & noise cancelling headphones which works really well.

But he can wear headphones and watch something without taking up the whole living space as well. Why does OP need to accommodate their DP 7 days a week?

Anotherparkingthread · 08/02/2024 00:05

I absolutely bloody hate the TV op. I watch films on occasion and enjoy them but I feel the same, love the house quiet, time to think and do and make etc.

I go to relatives and friends houses and they don't select what they want to watch they just habitually turn the TV on slop out in front of it. I don't even think they really enjoy it, they just have no idea what else they would do if they didn't! I think it's very sad and miserable.

They are the same people who tell me they don't have time to do anything, never have time to exercise etc but must watch hundreds of hours of TV every month.

Enjoy your quite time it's as much of a right and he gets more days than you anyway.

GrumpyPanda · 08/02/2024 00:11

bumblefeline · 07/02/2024 23:31

Blimey what a miserable existence.

Miserable indeed if your other half insists on blasting the house with random noise 24/7.

YANBU OP. He's inconsiderate and needs to get some headphones or ideally, move upstairs.
You shouldn't have to, but if he starts this again could you just put on some soothing piano music to mark your space? Bach's Orchestral Suites are lovely, but if he's being obnoxious try avant-garde.


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Littlemisscapable · 08/02/2024 00:19

Get another tv. Life is far too short for this! I get your point about wanting quiet time but just go somewhere quieter then. I'd be more worried about your kids all away watching phones...why not find something you could all watch together? It can be a social fun experience..

ColdButSunny · 08/02/2024 00:27

I would say that YANBU if you had chosen something else (not TV) for the two of you to do together (a game or just chatting). But if you're doing separate things anyway and you don't want to watch TV then I don't see why he shouldn't.

Fionaville · 08/02/2024 00:28

Life is too short for this kind of tomfoolery. It sounds like a very rigid and uncomfortable home life.
Get into a TV series you'll both enjoy, so you can watch telly together. If you want quite alone time, specifically in the living room, then get a telly in another room for him.
When my DH wants to watch a series I really don't like (Fishing stuff) I go and watch telly or read in bed.

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