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To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1382 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Properhoolietoday · 08/02/2024 00:30

I can't understand the responses here, are you all TV addicts? Why on earth isn't the OP entitled to some quiet time in her own lounge? Why is this being seen as a strange thing.
My DH would have the TV on all time, the same programmes over and over and sometimes violent ones, which I can't cope with. But he knows that I like peace and quiet, so sometimes it's off and we'll read or he'll go on his phone. I don't want to sit in the bedroom in an evening as I'll just go to sleep. We don't have a TV in the bedroom because he falls asleep with it on.

HeddaGarbled · 08/02/2024 00:39

Yeah, I’m with you OP. I can’t stand the TV on all the time (or music). People don’t seem to be able to cope without constant background noise from media. Even things like exercising or walking the dog, people want podcasts or music as an accompaniment. It puts a barrier between yourself and other people, nature, actual life. I don’t think it’s healthy.

Gymnopedie · 08/02/2024 01:15

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:25

There is another T.V in our bedroom he just prefers to be downstairs.

So he gets four nights while OP gets three, he gets time when she's out of the house. There is a second TV upstairs that he could watch. But no he won't, because he prefers to be downstairs. And the OP is the unreasonable one??????

It sounds like he expects everything to revolve around him and what he wants to 'watch' while he plays on his phone.

YANBU OP and he needs to get over himself and go upstairs.

stardust40 · 08/02/2024 01:18

TV in the lounge ok to be used by anyone if it's not switched on here.

theveryhungrybum · 08/02/2024 01:19

Put some noise cancelling headphones, crack on with your sorting, and let him watch the TV you're not using.

thebestinterest · 08/02/2024 01:21

😂 he should get a computer…. Go watch in another room.

A tv on all the time would drive me MAD… it’s why I married someone who isn’t in to it.

Codlingmoths · 08/02/2024 01:25

Some people really think the purpose of a living room is the tv. They’ve been a core room in houses since long before tvs existed.

Essie274 · 08/02/2024 01:27

Seeing as you also have a TV in your bedroom, then YABNU.

I think it would be unfair if he didn't have anywhere to relax how he wanted to, but seeing as he does then I don't think it is unreasonable for you to have the living space quiet on the nights allocated to you, and he can have the TV on nights allocated to him.

I'm not a TV person. I find the noise and lights overstimulating and I need some quiet in the evenings to process my thoughts as I can get quite overwhelmed if I don't (no, I'm really not fun at parties Grin). I like to sit, cosy with my blankets and do my sewing projects, journal or organise stuff in the quiet, DH will play video games in his office on those nights (we don't have a rota but it's 4-5 nights a week - the other nights we spend together sometimes watching a movie etc but often not). I think this is okay and it works for us. Occasionally DH says he would like an evening watching TV so I'll watch with him for a bit and then use his office or have a bath to reset my brain for the night.

DeeCeeCherry · 08/02/2024 01:33

DP is a TV head. I am not. I can't bear a TV blaring for hours. He uses wireless headphones whilst I read.

OP & her H have an agreement + there's a TV in another room he can watch. + he has more TV time than her. I dont get why people cant at least scroll up a bit to understand the background or it makes the thread into nonsense

WandaWonder · 08/02/2024 01:36

Well every one's children are bright and is they walk when they are 3 months old they are a genius or something like that

I would think a lot of the population is capable of A's if they put the work in but unless you have a crystal ball it is not certain

WandaWonder · 08/02/2024 01:37

WandaWonder · 08/02/2024 01:36

Well every one's children are bright and is they walk when they are 3 months old they are a genius or something like that

I would think a lot of the population is capable of A's if they put the work in but unless you have a crystal ball it is not certain

Sorry wrong thread

GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 01:41

I'm surprised at the responses here I thought you weren't being unreasonable but then I don't like background TV (one of my daughters would watch TV all evening given the chance...)

Do most people on here generally have the TV on for hours every night then? Is my duaghter not that unreasonable then?!

I am actually surprised.

Tinkerbyebye · 08/02/2024 01:44

Why does the op have to find somewhere else? It’s her house as well, and her evening.

ifhe wants to watch tv he can go elsewhere, ie the bedroom

CreativeNameChange · 08/02/2024 01:46

Get a Bluetooth transmitter for your TV and some Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones for your DH (if the headphones have aptx, then there's no lag in the sound).

I have this setup because I am a night owl and sometimes I want to watch TV late when I can't sleep, but the sound would disturb my DH if I wasn't using headphones.

PeloMom · 08/02/2024 01:50

What’s up with everyone thinking Tv must be on at all times??? And he has access to a device so there shouldn’t be an issue for him to watch with headphones on. People complain about other being on phones at all times but tv is ok? 🙄
you deserve your quietness. Tell him to buy himself headphones and to stop intruding on your quiet time

Toomuchgoingon79 · 08/02/2024 01:50

How utterly bizarre.... just let the poor guy watch something on tv if you aren't watching it.

GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 02:34

I love how both "sides" of this find it "utterly bizarre".

I find it utterly bizarre the idea that the TV should be on for hours every night as default. But I'm wondering if I'm the unusual one now.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 08/02/2024 02:46

I’m not a tv watcher most of the time… so I usually find myself in the living room or on the porch and DH is in the the room with the TV.

This probably doesn’t really help. But…in no particular order

  • This is why open plan houses suck! Different rooms different purposes
  • Yeah the deal was about what to watch… not whether to watch tv
  • I do enjoy quiet after a long day so this would be a big deal to me
  • It’s his house too, so if you’re not watching he gets to turn it on

See no help whatsoever but some things to think about. 🙂
24September24 · 08/02/2024 02:47

Can you not ask him to a tv free moment (quiet time) in the evening? Esp if you're heading out soon.

Sometimes too much noise can be chaotic.

JubileeJumps · 08/02/2024 02:54

This is excruciating. If you’re not watching let him watch. Having set TV nights seems incredibly childish and oddly controlling. I’d rather go and sit in my car than have a partner who dictates to me like this.

GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 03:01

So Jubilee you'd be happy with TV on for hours every night? (Not being sarky I'm realising I'm in a minority and just trying to see the other perspective!)

Bournetilly · 08/02/2024 03:02

You literally sound like children arguing over the TV. YABU.


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Coyoacan · 08/02/2024 03:04

The sound of a telly is all pervasive, I support your idea, OP, 100%

Wetblanket78 · 08/02/2024 03:06

Justmadness · 07/02/2024 23:12

This is weird. He can't watch TV even though no one else is watching it. Seems controlling.

It's kind of difficult to do something like reading when there's a TV on in the background.

Nortono · 08/02/2024 03:07

Go into another room

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