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AIBU?

To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1382 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
76%
You are NOT being unreasonable
24%
lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 06:47

Banrion · 08/02/2024 06:44

I can't believe the amount of people saying yabu.
I totally get wanting to be downstairs with your family with the TV off.
On your night it should be your decision.

But she's not spending time with her family.

She's cleaning out a cupboard while her kids watch stuff on their phones.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 06:50

Yoyoban · 08/02/2024 06:41

I think it's fair to say you can ignore the people saying yabu, since none of them seem to have the basic comprehension skills required to understand that there is another TV available in the bedroom

I know there's a TV in the bedroom but I also know I would hate to spend my evenings watching TV in bed.

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MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 08/02/2024 06:50

Yoyoban · 08/02/2024 06:41

I think it's fair to say you can ignore the people saying yabu, since none of them seem to have the basic comprehension skills required to understand that there is another TV available in the bedroom

So that also means there's another room the op can go and have her silent Time in?

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Bythefireside · 08/02/2024 06:50

Why should she have to go to her bedroom just because she wants to read?

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AmytheDancingBrick · 08/02/2024 06:51

Do people really live like this with ‘my night’ and ‘your night’? Doesn’t sound like much of a partnership - I think I’d be looking for somewhere else to live.

If I wanted some quiet time I’d go to a different room not force everyone else to watch TV on their phone, or on a much smaller TV in the bedroom.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 06:53

Bythefireside · 08/02/2024 06:50

Why should she have to go to her bedroom just because she wants to read?

She doesn't have to. She can use earbuds if she's the one who wants to do something different to everyone else.

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HuntingoftheSnark · 08/02/2024 06:53

I'm with @GettingBetter2024 . I would see the television being constantly on in the main open plan living space as an unwelcome visitor. Why is the default position that the television has to be on, even when per the OP it's largely background noise?

So I think YANBU.

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mrskimsneakattack · 08/02/2024 06:57

This is weirdddddd. In our house whoever wants to watch something "the most" gets their way. So if there's live football on DH gets to put that on, I either sit with him and read a book, or go to bed early if I want quiet. If there's something I particularly want to watch at a certain time amd he's not fussed he'll usually sit next to me on his laptop doing something else. But mostly we choose stuff to watch together. We do have another TV in the spare bedroom but its rarely used.

I can't imagine saying 'I don't want to watch the TV but you can't have it on either'

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willWillSmithsmith · 08/02/2024 06:58

Very odd house rule, never heard anything like it.

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Papillon23 · 08/02/2024 07:06

I don't think having my night and your night sounds like much fun.

But I suspect the division has come in because you weren't able to agree a "oh I really can't face the footie tonight" type approach.

Just as others can't imagine not watching the TV every night, I can't imagine being obliged to listen to the TV every night. What if you want to read a book, or just need some peace and quiet to decompress?

Given you have another TV, you're not preventing him watching it entirely. I don't see why you aren't ever allowed to use the sitting room unless you want to watch TV.

I do think that a more ad hoc solution would be preferable but it sounds like this only came about because that wasn't working.

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PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 08/02/2024 07:06

Get him some headphones, done.

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Zanatdy · 08/02/2024 07:08

If you’re not watching it you can’t insist it stays off as it’s ‘your night’. I did chuckle at having allocated nights to choose what to watch. Bizarre

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soupfiend · 08/02/2024 07:10

Codlingmoths · 07/02/2024 23:22

if I lived in the house I expect to occasionally be able to choose to relax without the tv on. If there’s only one living room then he has to find somewhere else. You can watch tv on a huge range of devices. You cannot create a second living room with a snap of your fingers.
also, why can’t he do some drop offs?

Ridiculous. The TV is a device for watching tv on, its set up for that purpose. Its OP that should go somewhere else if she doesnt want the tv chuntering on

Watching telly on other devices is uncomfortable and not relaxing at all.

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Comtesse · 08/02/2024 07:13

I would keep turning off the telly. If it’s your choice then you can choose to have it turned off.

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Yoyoban · 08/02/2024 07:14

lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 06:50

I know there's a TV in the bedroom but I also know I would hate to spend my evenings watching TV in bed.

But it's her night to choose. Why should op have to go to the bedroom for peace and quiet on both his nights and her nights? (Without even taking into consideration that the op is actually doing something productive in the living room that can't be done elsewhere)

On his night to choose, yes op can go to the bedroom for peace and quiet.

(And the same response applies to @MyGooseisTotallyLoose )

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 07:18

@Yoyoban she doesn't have to go to the bedroom for peace and quiet. Nobody does. She can use noise cancelling earphones, or ask her DH to.

I honestly can't imagine telling my own husband that he's not allowed to watch the TV because I want to clean out a dresser in silence 😳

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soupfiend · 08/02/2024 07:19

PuddlesPityParty · 08/02/2024 04:45

If roles were reversed MN would be saying red flags for abuse and controlling. Which it is. Have a reflection on your behaviour here OP

Cant believe its taken 5 pages for someone to say this. If this was a man doing this it would be absolute outrage at his controlling and abusive behaviour and 'what else does he control you about OP' 'has he always been this controlling'?

And OP is clearing out a dresser, probably causing a load of mess in the living room during a time in the evening when people are usually relaxing.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 07:23

And OP is clearing out a dresser, probably causing a load of mess in the living room during a time in the evening when people are usually relaxing.

Well, quite.

DH does this sometimes - normally at about 8pm on a Sunday for some unknown reason. It's definitely much noisier and much more intrusive than the TV!

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MichelleScarn · 08/02/2024 07:24

soupfiend · 08/02/2024 07:19

Cant believe its taken 5 pages for someone to say this. If this was a man doing this it would be absolute outrage at his controlling and abusive behaviour and 'what else does he control you about OP' 'has he always been this controlling'?

And OP is clearing out a dresser, probably causing a load of mess in the living room during a time in the evening when people are usually relaxing.

And surely the dresser clear is a one day job, unless is a PA martyr 'LOOOK how busy I am while you sit and watch your dreadful, wicked brain rot tv'?

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soupfiend · 08/02/2024 07:25

lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 07:23

And OP is clearing out a dresser, probably causing a load of mess in the living room during a time in the evening when people are usually relaxing.

Well, quite.

DH does this sometimes - normally at about 8pm on a Sunday for some unknown reason. It's definitely much noisier and much more intrusive than the TV!

Well I admit Im the guilty party here, I'll often start something like this late at night and my OH hates it because he cant relax with my pottering around and moving stuff around, so I am aware of how it feels and try not to now!!!!

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midgetastic · 08/02/2024 07:25

Wow - it seems the telly is sone kind of human right , or addiction that sone can't live without

I have to say it's more than just noise - the light and flickering it gives off are also annoying so noise cancelling headphones are not a solution ( well for me they wouldn't be )

if she wants it off she should be allowed sone time in the living room without it on - it's called sharing

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midgetastic · 08/02/2024 07:27

Where does op say she's clearing a dresser

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 07:28

if she wants it off she should be allowed sone time in the living room without it on - it's called sharing

I think that depends on what everyone else (including the kids) would prefer. One person doesn't get to dictate either way.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 07:28

midgetastic · 08/02/2024 07:27

Where does op say she's clearing a dresser

It's her second post in.

She wants to clean out a dresser in the living room in silence.

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GettingBetter2024 · 08/02/2024 07:28

Lifeis- do you genuinely have the TV on for hours every single evening?

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