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AIBU?

To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

308 replies

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh · 07/02/2024 23:10

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1382 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
76%
You are NOT being unreasonable
24%
lifeispainauchocolat · 08/02/2024 18:41

soupfiend · 08/02/2024 18:38

Im loving the language here

blaring television
flickering television
inane babble

It's interesting how all the derogatory language and insults about people's hobbies comes from the TV haters...

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soupfiend · 08/02/2024 18:46

Yes!

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Heronwatcher · 08/02/2024 18:53

If you’ve got another TV in the bedroom I don’t think you’re being U.

Would headphones be an option?

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seasaltbarbie · 08/02/2024 19:12

I put you are being unreasonable but I understand that you want some quiet time. I want quiet time too but having a family means rare quiet time 🤣 I see why he doesn’t see it as an issue as no one is watching it. We have a tv in our room as well which my husband would go and watch a movie or that if he wanted. Maybe just communicate with him that you’re enjoying some quiet before he comes in and switches it on. Or maybe you could get ear phones and listen to a podcast or your favourite music or something.

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Bonbon249 · 08/02/2024 19:42

Walking2024now33days · 07/02/2024 23:15

Not really, on her nights she's opting for a quiet atmosphere where she can relax in the communal area. When she goes out to run the kids around he can watch what he likes (as well as his nights)

it's her nights to choose, whether she chooses Eastenders or quiet us surely up to her.

threads like this remind me why I LOVE living on my own!

Totally agree - I love living on my own too! So much less hassle!

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doilooklikeicare · 08/02/2024 19:43

@Bonbon249 I love living with my DH, he just cooked the most amazing dinner and we don't have TV wars........ coming up 37 years married.

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5128gap · 08/02/2024 19:58

The agreement was that you took turns to choose what to watch on TV so both had a chance to see their preferred things? Surely then when you don't have a preferred thing to watch you'd let him watch his thing? A bit like if you decided to share the last cake then didnt fancy your half, youd give it to him rather than throw it away. Your need for quiet is an entirely separate matter to your TV sharing arrangement. You need a TV in the bedroom and take turns who sits where when you want quiet.

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HirplesWithHaggis · 08/02/2024 22:59

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2024 17:04

Well to start with I’m not wound up @HirplesWithHaggis, rather aghast and horrified at what you posted. And secondly, you can tone it down now as much as you like but permitted and allowed Are what you said and tbh It’s appalling.

You routinely yell, "Fuck off" at people when you're calm? Wow. Ok. Aghast, horrified, appalled at an internet post from someone you've never met? You do you, but sometimes toning down is a good idea, you know? 😘

Fortunately DH is rather harder to scunner but then he's had over 40 years to get used to me. Grin

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LeakyPipes · 08/02/2024 23:48

Very unreasonable! He's an adult. Why on earth should he watch television on his phone if nobody else is using the television? 😳 TBH this sounds very controlling.

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BitOutOfPractice · 09/02/2024 09:10

I’d be very interested to see where I told anyone to fuck off @HirplesWithHaggis. And, if someone told me I was “not allowed” to watch something or only when “permitted” you’re too right I would not be calm. In the face of your post though, just a bit horrified. But I’ve not told anyone to fuck off on this thread or anywhere else whilst calm do you can rest assured in that score. And you’re not helping your cause with your hearty bonhomie about your husband. I’d bet my mortgage he’s not as sanguine about your arbitrary rules as you think.

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Sjh15 · 09/02/2024 09:57

If this is all you have to worry about then you’ve got it pretty good!
YABU.
How rigid to control what day who has the tv. It sounds like arguing children and I hope your DC doesn’t witness this or they will become part of it!
get a tv in the bedroom.
my DP is an avid ps5 gamer and even we don’t end up bickering over the tv. In an evening I just use the tv in the bedroom. During dinner time we don’t ’watch’ it as the 2 yo ruins anything you want to concentrate on anyway!

if my DP told me not to turn the tv on because it was ‘his day’ I would assume he’d lost the plot

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midgetastic · 09/02/2024 10:32

Forcing someone to put up with the distractions of a TV is pretty nasty especially when you have agreed turns to manage incompatibility

It is as much controlling to insist it is on as off

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boopboopbidoop · 09/02/2024 12:19

BitOutOfPractice · 09/02/2024 09:10

I’d be very interested to see where I told anyone to fuck off @HirplesWithHaggis. And, if someone told me I was “not allowed” to watch something or only when “permitted” you’re too right I would not be calm. In the face of your post though, just a bit horrified. But I’ve not told anyone to fuck off on this thread or anywhere else whilst calm do you can rest assured in that score. And you’re not helping your cause with your hearty bonhomie about your husband. I’d bet my mortgage he’s not as sanguine about your arbitrary rules as you think.

So if you and your partner agreed to alternate who gets to choose days and you were told in their day what you could or couldn't watch you would get angry?

You don't seem to understand what agreements mean.

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boopboopbidoop · 09/02/2024 12:20

LeakyPipes · 08/02/2024 23:48

Very unreasonable! He's an adult. Why on earth should he watch television on his phone if nobody else is using the television? 😳 TBH this sounds very controlling.

Why should she be forced to have a tv on when she doesn't want it on. Especially on her days. Sounds controlling.

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BitOutOfPractice · 09/02/2024 12:38

boopboopbidoop · 09/02/2024 12:19

So if you and your partner agreed to alternate who gets to choose days and you were told in their day what you could or couldn't watch you would get angry?

You don't seem to understand what agreements mean.

HirplesWithHaggis and I were not actually discussing the OP's dilemma (this is MN after all!) but the rules that she has imposed on her DH whereby she "forbids" him to watch certain programmes on certain days and "permits" others. A blanket ban. And that is just horrible. I would certainly be annoyed about that, wouldn't you? It's not the agreement the OP has. She has now rowed back from her original wording, claiming her DP is fine with it because he's irritating too. I mean, that's not a regime I can get on board with.

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HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/02/2024 15:23

I can't decide whether it's laughable or tragic that so PPs think that the television being off means sitting in silence.

Talk to each other? Read a book? Put some beautiful music on while you do chores or paperwork or craft?

Maybe even go for a moonlit walk, or play a game of chess, or phone a friend, or play an instrument, or write a poem, or do a crossword, or just something that engages your brain in a gentle, enjoyable way.

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lifeispainauchocolat · 09/02/2024 16:13

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/02/2024 15:23

I can't decide whether it's laughable or tragic that so PPs think that the television being off means sitting in silence.

Talk to each other? Read a book? Put some beautiful music on while you do chores or paperwork or craft?

Maybe even go for a moonlit walk, or play a game of chess, or phone a friend, or play an instrument, or write a poem, or do a crossword, or just something that engages your brain in a gentle, enjoyable way.

But OP hasn't said that she wants to do any of those things. If she did, she'd probably be getting very different responses.

All she's said is she wants the TV off on three nights a week.

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MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 09/02/2024 18:11

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/02/2024 15:23

I can't decide whether it's laughable or tragic that so PPs think that the television being off means sitting in silence.

Talk to each other? Read a book? Put some beautiful music on while you do chores or paperwork or craft?

Maybe even go for a moonlit walk, or play a game of chess, or phone a friend, or play an instrument, or write a poem, or do a crossword, or just something that engages your brain in a gentle, enjoyable way.

But what if people find watching TV enjoyable? Whys that so unbelievable to some?

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doilooklikeicare · 09/02/2024 18:25

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/02/2024 15:23

I can't decide whether it's laughable or tragic that so PPs think that the television being off means sitting in silence.

Talk to each other? Read a book? Put some beautiful music on while you do chores or paperwork or craft?

Maybe even go for a moonlit walk, or play a game of chess, or phone a friend, or play an instrument, or write a poem, or do a crossword, or just something that engages your brain in a gentle, enjoyable way.

What's wrong with watching TV if you like it? Lots of educational, comedy, drama, quiz shows etc!

Much more entertaining than . ..... chess ♟️ 🥱

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Reallyneedwine · 09/02/2024 18:33

This is the most bizarre post - I had no idea people live like this as grown ups? Taking it in turns for the tv!! I did this with my sister when we were 7 & 9 !!

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doilooklikeicare · 09/02/2024 18:35

Reallyneedwine · 09/02/2024 18:33

This is the most bizarre post - I had no idea people live like this as grown ups? Taking it in turns for the tv!! I did this with my sister when we were 7 & 9 !!

Reminds me of Christmas time TV watching (pre recording devices), when we'd go through the radio and tv times choosing how the TV viewing was going to be scheduled!

Despite my parents protestations, we didn't get square eyes!

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BitOutOfPractice · 09/02/2024 18:37

It @Reallyneedwine there’s rules and forbiddings and permissions. Will no one think of the rules?!?! 😬

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Bayaz · 09/02/2024 18:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

doilooklikeicare · 09/02/2024 19:36

midgetastic · 09/02/2024 10:32

Forcing someone to put up with the distractions of a TV is pretty nasty especially when you have agreed turns to manage incompatibility

It is as much controlling to insist it is on as off

Forcing
Nasty

It's a tv!

GrinGrinGrin

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BeingATwatItsABingThing · 09/02/2024 20:31

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 09/02/2024 15:23

I can't decide whether it's laughable or tragic that so PPs think that the television being off means sitting in silence.

Talk to each other? Read a book? Put some beautiful music on while you do chores or paperwork or craft?

Maybe even go for a moonlit walk, or play a game of chess, or phone a friend, or play an instrument, or write a poem, or do a crossword, or just something that engages your brain in a gentle, enjoyable way.

DH and I like watching tv in the evening because it doesn’t need much in the way of brain power. We both have full time jobs and two (nearly 3) children. By the time they’re in bed, we’re knackered and want to sit mindlessly. If he suddenly got out an instrument to play, I’d think he’d lost the plot and ask him to immediately stop in case he woke our children. Chess is mind-numbingly dull!

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