To ask DH to not turn on the family T.V on the evenings that are 'my choice nights'

[Aaaarrrrgggghhhh]

DH and I have had an agreement in place for many years where we have set nights for choosing what to watch on T.V. He's a bit of a remote hog and so we set this up based loosely around the shifts I used to work. 3 evenings of the week are mine, but if I'm out he can watch what he wants. The other days are his days. On my evenings I still have to drive our DC to their various clubs so he still gets some time to watch what he wants. (DC do not 'want in' on our rota as they prefer to watch their phones for their screen time.) Recently on my evenings I have chosen to keep the T.V turned off, still sat in the lounge ( open plan lounge/diner) , but doing other stuff and enjoying the quieter atmosphere. However DH just wanders in and turns the T.V on. When I query this his response is usually, "well you weren't watching it" or "you'll be going out soon" He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

@LameBorzoi but if she's not watching the TB on 'her' evenings, why shouldn't he put it on? Just seems controlling to me. Because then the divide between evenings is less about making sure they both get a fair amount of time to watch what they want to watch, but instead becomes a mechanism to control how much TV the husband is watching. If she has chosen to not watch anything on her designated evening, why shouldn't he instead?

Otherwise they need to decide if what they actually mean is designated evenings for using the living room how they want to, rather than designated evenings for who gets control of the TV.

All sounds ridiculous in any case.

@thisisuttermadness Are you incapable of reading, jigsaw puzzles, games etc? Some people seem to lead very unimaginitive lives.

So because you like to do these things you are more virtuous?

@OrionStridesIn I've been over this a number of times. It's because once the TV is on, it makes a lot of other activities in that room difficult.

Then leave the room? Unless you're too unimaginative to think you can do activities outwith (yes its a word) the living room?

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose Well, I find people who don't have interests outside of tv quite dull.

If you want peace and quiet, why would you insist on basically kicking everyone out of the communal areas of the house to get it?

@LameBorzoi are you incapable of reading? You did just quite rudely ask @thisisuttermadness the same question, so I'll ask you the same.

Did you miss the second part of my post, where I suggested they instead need to decide if what they mean is designated use of the room for activities, rather than designated use of the TV?

You clearly feel superior to people who prefer to watch TV, so let's just leave you to your jigsaws and stinky farts.

Am sure they're all devastated with your opinion of them! Who's actually said (even the op) that the only interest is tv? But you keep having your little sanctimonious thoughts about strangers!

My OH is a heavy TV watcher, because he grew up with the TV always on. I grew up without a TV, until my parents bought a small black and white travel TV which was strictly rationed. So I'm used to not having the TV on all the time.

Anyway, I like to read. I can't read with the TV on, because the dialogue gets in my head and conflicts with what's in the book. Early on in my relationship with OH, I remember how he used to walk into the room while I was reading, turn the TV on to some crap programme neither of us was interested in, and walk out again. It felt like he might as well have grabbed the book out of my hands and thrown it across the room. But there was nothing malicious in it - switching on the TV was just a normal part of his routine.

We've reached a compromise where a) there are programmes we want to watch together b) there are programmes I don't mind, when I can do something that doesn't require full concentration c) He listens to the TV with ear phones d) We have music on and he does something else, usually computer games.

But having said that... he's so used to having the TV on during every waking moment that he'll talk over it without a moment's thought. So if there's a genuinely interesting programme on, I might end up missing bits anyway!

Who said anything about not having other interests?

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose We've been through this! She's not wanting the room all the time - she just OCASSIONALLY would like to use that room without the TV.

No idea what that's in response to, must be too much for my dull little brain...😆

I have plenty of interest outside of tv, but around 8 pm the tv tends to be on and I am usually knitting while I watch. DH may well choose to read or work on his laptop in a different room but will join me later. Lounge is set up for cosy tv watching, I would be peeved if he expected me to sit with the tv off ☹️

The rota agreed to was to remedy the fact he was a remote hog and to ensue you both got to share picking what was on tv. It was never intended to be a ‘control the living room activity’ rota so I think you have got a bit carried away and wandered way out of scope here.

How do you know all this timing info? You're gleaning information that's not there!

@doilooklikeicare Uh, the bits where she says he watches TV on "his" nights and on her nights when she drives the kids to clubs?

while I don't agree with the split nights thing; if you're choosing peace in communal areas on your night then he shouldn't switch the TV on. However that's not said he can't watch TV... he just needs to do it somewhere else, whether that be another room, a man cave, the pub - somewhere else. You don't get to dictate that he doesn't watch TV because you don't want to, you only dictate that you don't want too.

OP says: He has access to Netflix and Amazon Prime on his phone. AIBU if I ask him to turn the T.V off on my nights if I am choosing No T.V?

It sounds like the OP has no problem with him watching TV on his phone. It's the TV in the living room she wants off.

I suppose they could buy another TV and he could watch it in another room!

For what it’s worth, I’m on your side OP. My husband is a gamer/TV addict so is pretty much listening to/watching or playing something 24/7. If not the TV, it’s podcasts on his phone. I also work in an office with a radio that plays the same (awful) songs over and over again. I get how annoying it is to listen to something not of your choosing constantly and fully understand your need for a break from it. Your husband gets the TV most nights, he should be more considerate to you. I don’t see why posters are saying you have to give up the sitting room every night, that isn’t fair. Even if he watches the TV in a different room, you’ll probably still hear it though unless he uses headphones. I think maybe your best bet might be to put on a fireplace or snow video from YouTube or Netflix with the volume off, or music from Spotify on your nights.

for two days ive seen suggestions of "get headphones for the TV" and i couldnt think of anything worse! For gaming? of course. For music? In the home, no. And definitely not sitting in my home with headphones on watching the TV.

I think it's entirely unreasonable to expect "quiet time" in a communal area. if you want that, go to the bedroom alone, or have a bath.

@MyGooseisTotallyLoose The bit where you suggested she leaves the room. Yes of course that should be the case sometimes, but it sounds as if he's wanting the TV on on all "his" nights, and "hers" as well.

Crazy. You don’t want to watch the TV on your nights but gripe at him for wanting to? It doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t want the noise of the TV, go sit in bed or something?

So to be clear, he is allowed to have the TV on in a communal space every single night and OP isn’t allowed to have any quiet time at all in the communal space. Even though it’s a shared living room.

If DH wants to watch TV on OP’s nights, he can stay in the living room and she has to leave the room to have quiet time. But DH never has to go the bedroom to watch shows. Even though there’s a TV in there. Even though he’s just putting it on for background noise?

TV on supersedes quiet time every single day and OP has no recourse to argue that or she’s ‘controlling’?

Excuse me?????!!

Care to elaborate on this extremely rude response that bears no relevance to any of my comments?