To feel sad I can never go to my child’s events?

[UpsetMum155]

Today I had to miss my daughter's first-ever class assembly because of work commitments. Being a teacher, I understand the importance of attendance, but it's heartbreaking to miss such precious moments.

Unfortunately, like many other professions, getting time off isn't possible, even medical appointments need to be changed to when there’s a holiday which isn’t always possible with the NHS. Balancing work and personal life is a constant struggle, and today it feels particularly tough. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How do you cope with these moments when work demands clash with important family events? Are any of you teachers that do manage to get to your childrens events? Please feel free to PM if you don’t feel like sharing here!

This is my first and only child (cannot have any more) it feels really upsetting as she was asking where I was and “all other mummies were there”. DH works abroad so it’s always on me to attend these things. My DD is in reception class. Do I have a lifetime of this? I’m seriously considering leaving to do a more flexible job even supply but I won’t be able to afford it. I feel like such a bad mother.

I find it astonishing that there are still people who think teachers can apply for leave outside school holidays.

My father in law could never get his head round it when he wanted to take us on a day out somewhere. But that was 30 years ago, and these days aren't we all a lot better informed?

And the OP and this whole thread is about how we can't!

I find it astonishing that there are still people who think teachers can apply for leave outside school holidays.

I can! If the Head approves it. Never been denied it yet. Weddings, son's nativity, son's assembly, appointments...

@surreygirl1987 I can't! Not even hospital appts unless urgent. Primary.

As a teacher, you will have SO much time with DD in school holidays. IMHO, this far outweighs attending school events

When I was a SAHM, I used to watch a few of the kids "on behalf of" Mum and Dad, so eg Tommy knew I was watching him in the show as well as my own kids, and I sent photos and videos to his Mum and Dad. Perhaps you could ask a classmate's parents to do that for you?

I also don't know any primary school where teachers can take time off for kind of thing. There's not enough staff as it is and in schools around here, there's no 'class TA' anymore. You might get one one morning a week but they'll also usually be doing interventions outside the classroom.
Also when I was a teacher, I didn't really benefit from the holidays with my kids as I usually had so much work to do I'd end up putting them in nursery for the holidays so I could write reports etc (not every holiday but always autumn half term, 1 week at Xmas and the 2 weeks at Easter)
My friend has her kids in her school so that she can make these events, even though it's 45 minutes from where they live and there's loads of schools nearer. Otherwise she'd not be able to go to a single event.

I don’t know of any schools where you can ‘book’ leave.

You might be able to grovel for a late start to get to an assembly but if there’s no TA in your class to cover you, it’s more than likely the answer will be no.

Of course there is a funding issue. Salary negotiation may be harder these days (I haven’t changed schools in 7 years).

I maintain that if the choice is ‘teacher who would like an hour off a couple of times a year to watch their kids assembly’ or ‘no teacher at all’, the first option is easier to find cover for 🤷‍♀️

I maintain that if the choice is ‘teacher who would like an hour off a couple of times a year to watch their kids assembly’ or ‘no teacher at all’, the first option is easier to find cover for 🤷‍♀️

Possibly. That doesn’t seem to be the choice for a growing number of heads-it’s between having a teacher, or using a TA/cover/HLTA in the class and actually being able to balance the budget. Much much cheaper.

Yes, paying unqualified staff is always going to be cheaper than qualified. Generally the quality of teaching isn’t going to be as good though and I’m not sure it’s legal, not to mention completely unfair on the staff expecting them to do a full time teaching position for not a full time teaching salary and without having had the relevant training. This is part of a wider funding issue though and not related to a bit of flexibility for staff occasionally IMO.

Generally the quality of teaching isn’t going to be as good

Undoubtedly! It’s all a big mess, unfortunately.