Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

YABU

And entitled

I can understand why you're upset but YABU. As a working adult, your parents aren't entitled to buy you anything.

You're an adult. Buy your own bed.

🙄 why should they?

Maybe you should grow up a bit and stop acting like a petulant child?

YABU to expect them to buy you a bed generally.

But considering they did it for your sibling and promised you the same when you moved then YANBU.

I wouldn't promise my child something then not follow through.

A promise is a promise. YANBU

You're an adult. Buy your own stuff!

Jesus Christ it’s a fucking bed. Get over yourself, you sound like a 5 year old!

Either you move out. Or you live at home. Maybe they don’t want you to come and go.

Just buy a new mattress? Why do you need to sleep at your parent's several nights a week? I agree it's not equal but it's only a bed, you might as well just get over it.

Maybe grow up and live independently, without expecting your parents to fund you, subsidise you or provide you with accommodation. All these things are your own responsibility.

Wow... they "owe" you nothing.
Parental support comes in many different forms sometimes depending on what the individual needs or requires in support. But remains an option. Our parents don't owe us an unlimited amount just because they are our parents.
My parents took my DB shopping for all their appliances when they moved out. They also made a contribution to their wedding. I had a contribution to my wedding DS had something different. Its not a levelling up exersize.
Why dont you think about all the things they have supported you with instead? Treating their home like a Hotel and that you have a right to stay there being top on the list.

What's the point of buying you a bed when you keep going back to them? Either move out or don't

They "owe" you a bed? Wow...
How about you sleep in your own house full time

It's off to give something to a sibling and not to you, but you don't necessarily know the whole story. Maybe you've cost them more in other ways. Maybe your sister was having financial struggles. Either way you seem weirdly fixated on this bed issue. They're being kind enough to let you stay for part of the week. Focus on that.

I’m assuming there is a massive golden child back story as you are coming across as a bit petulant.

Your parents don't owe you a bed because they bought you one for your sibling.

You mentioned working and earning well - maybe they think you should afford your own bed? My parents have helped me and my sibling in different ways, not the same ways. Also, my son helps me out sometimes because he is an adult with a better job than me (but almost definitely younger than you).

Yanbu yo want to be treated the same as a sibling.

Reading between the lines, my guess is that they don’t want you to stay with them a few times a week. You felt awkward asking for a bed and they probably feel awkward about the regular visits too. Just get a cheap mattress from Ikea for their house and chuck the old one out. 🤷‍♀️

You know this isn't about the bed right?

It's about all your feelings around jealousy of what your sibling got and what you didn't and feeling like you're being treated unfairly. These are clearly big feelings for you, but you're an adult now. It could be worth going to counselling to talk all these things through so you can move forward.

I get you're feeling it's unfair as they did something for your sibling, but not for you.

However, you can't change people, so I'd probably stop trying.

Go low contact, don't stay at their house

Thanks - this is exactly the situation, that I want to be treated the same. It’s deeply upsetting to me they helped her kit out her whole house and I didn’t get asked if I needed so much as a saucepan.

there is also no back story. My sister and her boyfriend earn triple what I do, no issues, etc. I know this for a fact.

My parents are VERY excited i’m staying. If they had their way my boyfriend and I would be moving in with them.

OP, I haven’t taken a penny from my parents since I was 15.

You sound incredibly immature and entitled to be.

It's just a bed, you really don't need to have these things 'banked' in your head as an unpaid debt. Get your own bed, be happy that you got it independently and without resentment.