Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

Finally a sensible answer.

£250 month for a few nights equals £900 a month in rent. That is not a tiny token.

How is £250 a month £900 a month????

Thank you! Appreciate both these responses so much. can’t believe some of the replies here. Tell me im wrong, fine, but I’m upset my parents are playing financial favourites while thinking it’s ok for me sleep on a wee soaked mattress.

@Ciri rtft

They paid for her sister to go to uni and the OP worked and funded herself

Because it’s 2 nights a week. 8 nights a month. If I stayed a month, it would equate to just over £950

.

Of course she did.

How did she do this exactly when she went to uni at 18..

But you're not staying a month. Your logic is completely flawed

Look I understand it might not feel fair that she was bought a bed but they're looking after you financially in other ways. No good comes from keeping tally.

So, I think YABU to drop hints about beds and say to them that you’re disappointed they didn’t also buy you a bed when you moved out. It makes you sound entitled.

However, after all the dripfeeding, it seems there is a massive back story here. If you feel this hurt by your parents not supporting you financially, why are you staying with them 8 nights a month? I wouldn’t want to if that meant sleeping on a disgusting mattress.

@Girlinengland just saying, who the hell even keeps a mattress if it has wee on it??? it would be replaced the next day if it was in my house!

As an adult, I really wouldn’t be staying at my parents house a few nights a week. I find that really wierd. Visiting is one thing, but your almost half moving back in.

If you ‘half move back in’ you live under their rules. Its not for you to dictate what furniture is there. I would make other arrangements if you want everything brand new.

lol it's simple bloody maths. Her maths is NOT flawed!

She is paying her parents PROPORTIONATELY for the time she is spending there. In line with rents in her area I presume.

You're not going to pay £900 a month for staying 2 days a week are you? As well as paying her own rent and bills?!

People are so bloody dense.

OP your OP came across very entitled and juvenile.

However your updates suggest it's simply about being treated fairly by your parents and in line with your siblings. Especially given what you said about them funding her uni and helping her despite her earning triple what you earn.

I understand, it's really NOT about expecting anything at all. I've never asked my parents for anything, in fact as a teen I used to try and give pocket money back to my parents if it was more than what I needed (e.g being given £20 to go cinema when I only needed £10). If I saw my parents treating me differently to my sister I would feel hurt too and wonder why.

Why can’t you and your boyfriend buy a new bed?

You sound entitled!

Some very convenient drip feeds when not getting the reply OP expected...

Why was it this way? You sound very immature in your expectation of a bed from your parents. It's basically jealousy.

Why didn't you buy a bed when you were earning a lot. You said you happily spent your good earnings instead of buying a house. To your parents they might see this as you being bad with money. They bought your sister a bed when she moved into an owned home, to which she presumably has legal rights, that's the difference I suspect.

As for the bed in your parents home, buy a bed cover like the rest of us do. And I imagine your tea/coffee stains are blood.

Whilst I understand your point about wanting to be treated the same as your sibling I think the issue is how you worded your OP.
You do come across as entitled as numerous other posters have commented and if that’s how you sound to your parents you can understand their reaction.

So many odd threads popping up atm.

When you get your own place, I'm sure they'll buy you something for it. My parents didn't buy anything for my sister, when she moved out to rent. They bought white goods for my brother and I, when we bought a property. Years later my sister eventually bought a house, my parents bought them furniture. I honestly think they wanted to give us something to help us with owning a property. But they didn't support us, if we rented. They were right of course. It takes far longer to save up to buy, when you're renting. Makes more sense to save up at home.

My parents spoilt my much younger brother rotten. I wonder if I should've demanded they spend the equivalent on me.

Get a grip. You're an adult.

They don't owe you a new bed unfortunately, it's a shame they're not treating you equally to your sibling but there may be more to the story you don't know about, was it a loan etc?
Also yeah maybe they should buy a new bed for you to sleep in at their house but that would be their bed to stay at their house when you move out

You can get a decent mattress for like £400.

I can sort of see why you’re upset, OP. But it’s a bed, not a Ferrari. This feels like a VERY odd hill to die on.

Mine promised me a pony if I got a scholarship when I was 11.

I got the scholarship. My parents still owe me a pony.

I don't think you can expect a bed really, even though your parents do seem a bit unfair in their unequal treatment of you and your sister. I'd definitely be buying myself a new mattress rather than sleeping on a pissy one though!

I think you’re right. But I would address this with them not about the bed. I would say I was no longer going to beg to treated the same and highlight all the things they have done for you sibling and leave it at that. I also wouldn’t be staying there at all. Take a step back from them, no one should feel second best.