Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

There is something not adding up OP and either 1. You are not telling the full story (or even the truth) and your parents have a reason to divide their financial assistance in different ways or 2. Your parents really do show a very bizarre and unreasonable favouritism.

the the case of 2, in the real world for people with far less money, they sort out their beds and their mattresses themselves. You are an adult and accepting that the way your parents treat you is unlikely to change (and is no fault of your own), take what you can to help yourself, push yourself up the next rung of the ladder and get the hell out when you have a chance, and barely look back. You can’t make people behave the way you want them too, not even your parents, and you might need therapy to deal with their behaviour towards you.

I’m just saying omission is a thing, people dress things up all the time to weigh in their favour when it’s not the full picture is it..

The mum has literally said she will buy the OP a new bed.

I'm not buying the university fees thing. It's clearly far more significant than the bed the OP claims her parents "owe" her.

You sound incredibly spoilt. You may well have had things that your brother didn't get over the years. Don't lose sleep over it, buy your own bed.

Is the bed thing a symptom of your sibling being treated generally more favourably? If so then I can see your point. If not then YABU.

I see you think they're mean, but how much money is it saving you to stay overnight with them when you want to?

I think if you'd worded this thread title differently then you'd have got some very different responses, OP.
I think if you'd said "AIBU to feel slighted by the fact that my parents paid for my sister's Uni and kitted her house out completely, despite the fact that she earns well. Yet have never even offered me so much as a novelty mug?"

You haven't actually demanded anything from them you're just musing about the imbalance of it all. So these responses are ridiculous

I would literally never speak to them again. Burn their house down... move to Spain.
Or, buy your own bed.

Are you eight?

YABU to expect a bed...

But having RTFT, this is not about it
YANBU to wish they treated you the same as your sister; the examples you have given show they do not do things equally for you at all

Maybe that should be your question to them, but they will likely be very defensive about it

Have they ever said why they paid for your sister's Uni but not yours?

Your an adult buy yourself a bed. Stop comparing yourself to and expecting the same as your sibling, the world doesn't work like that. Yes they should have bought a bed if that was promised but they don't have to if they don't want to.

Then tell them the bed is so awful that you can't stay anymore. If they really want you there they can provide a decent guest bed

You are a very strange person

Have you sat them down and talked to them? Calmly. Explained that it is hard for you to understand why you have not received any financial help where your sister has.

Surely just a new mattress would do (to replace the stained one if its really bad) not an entire new bed.
I can see why you are frustrated op. I agree it doesnt seem fair.

Not bullying btw, I just don't understand this bed fixation. Very strange fixation

Have your parents ever bought you other stuff? Do you earn more than your sibling?

If this is about more than the bed, eg constant unfairness, fair enough. Then address the wider issue and stop zooming in on the bed.

If it's about the bed, please get over it, it's a sad obsession.

Either way, stop harping on the bed

It's not just the title, the posts are like bed bed bed bed (and she even talks about beds in different houses)

@Girlinengland

It doesn’t sound fair - but more so : paying for your sibling’s education and not yours. I think the bed is just adding to past feelings of unfairness.

Does your sister struggle more financially? You say you were studying law. Perhaps they see you as more career driven.

I wonder if they see the bed as a symbol of nesting, or that your sibling may be more likely to settle and have grandchildren.

It is unfair : siblings should get equal. But I think you need to be very careful how you ask or to discuss the imbalance calmly. I think they’ll want to see any financial contributions as an investment into your future, settled life.

If I were you, I'd apologise for saying 'most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays'.

I'd explain that it isn't about the money, but rather you feel hurt as you think your sibling gets preferential treatment.

Re. the bed, get a new mattress from Ikea so you don't have to sleep on the urine-stained one.

Ffs, grow up. They owe you zilch. Buy your own bed. If you don’t like their mattress, go buy an Ikea one for when you use their place as a doss house. None of this is at all difficult.

you're not going to get any sympathy from a mum forum I'm afraid when you come on here bashing your mum

This is not about a bed. From what I understand, OP feels that she has been treated differently from her sister, in that her sister gets financial help and she gets nothing.

OP in this scenario I get that you feel hard done by. I think the only thing you can do is speak to your parents and ask them why they have paid for X,Y and Z for your sister but given nothing to you. I wouldn't even bring up the bed situation. However, You may find that they may deny it or make an excuse that perhaps they feel your sister has less financial income/prospects than you and need to support her more.

Personally, if I felt I was being treated differently to my siblings without a discussion, I would feel extremely resentful, and I would be expecting my siblings to pull their weight more when my elderly parents needs them (which is no picnic).

If the bed is really important to you, I would simply buy yourself one or a new mattress.

They don't owe you a single fucking thing.

I'd be hurt at the sibling disparity, too. But nobody owes you anything.

Aye that would upset me too, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Lavishing really nice furniture etc on your sister, promising to do the same for you then ‘forgetting’ about it isn’t nice, and you’re not entitled or immature to be annoyed about it!

It sounds petty but i can see this is not really about the bed, it's about the different treatment. I'm surprised you say there's not a Golden Child scenario as that's what I was expecting.

Is your sister the baby of the family (and tested accordingly) by any chance?

I get it. My parents baby and spoil my younger sister. When l bought my first flat (alone) they didn't contribute anything and I didn't expect it to be honest even though I was dirt poor at the time especially once all my meagre savings had gone into the deposit. Roll on a few years and my sister and her partner, both earning decent salaries bought their first house. My parents paid the conveyancing fees because they were "so happy for them". I didn't say anything but it did sting! It felt like I hadn't been worth being happy for iyswim.