Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

Try growing up!

This isn’t about the bed really is it, it’s about wanting to feel you matter as much as your siblings. Hugs as it sounds like they are very biased towards your siblings for some reason which is upsetting.

Your parents are providing you with free accommodation several nights a week and you think they owe you a new bed too?

You must be taking the piss.

My mum has throughout my life, helped my younger sister out, considerably more than me. However, I note that my mum has also supported me lots too and sometimes in different ways.
I am very independent and capable. My sister isn't.
I note you said your sister and partner earn significantly more than you.
Perhaps you could just speak to them, highlighting that you feel unfairly treated and give them an opportunity to share their views.

Ordinarily I'd say YABU and shouldn't expect anything.

However, as DM agreed to reciprocate the offer that DS had when she moved out, YANBU.

AIBU to say grow up? Bloody hell.

God. Honestly get over it. Deeply upset my arse !

You're an adult. Buy your own bed.

OP, I haven’t taken a penny from my parents since I was 15. You sound incredibly immature and entitled to be

@pootlin the fact that your family is dysfunctional does not make that something to aspire to. 15 is a child, children should be supported by their parents, emotionally, practically, and financially. There is nothing immature about expecting not to be treasured less favourably than a sibling, at any age.

OP, this is not about the bed, it's the unfairness. Parents who don't treat their adult children fairly and equally cause long lasting family rifts, emotional harm, and sibling resentment. Why some parents choose to favour one of their adult children I have no idea! You might find the stately homes threads more helpful.

assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset….

You were going to take the bed weren't you? Your mum knows you very well.

Trust me, expecting handouts is not cute when you’re not a child anymore. My mum hates it when my siblings expect it.

That's not favouring. the circumstances were different.

Ugh.
The entitlement and 'me me me' attitude pouring out of you is EVERYTHING wrong with the younger generations today. Nobody owes you anything. Get over yourself...

You keep saying that you want to be treated the same as your sister but it isn't the same is it? Your sister has been living independently since she moved out and your parents bought her the bed. You haven't been, you have been lvivng with your parents on and off and continue to do so. There are different types of support. They have your sister a bed, they have given amd continue to give you a roof over your head.

On a personal note though I like giving gifts but when someone starts demanding something off me, hinting about it etc it gives me the ick and makes me was to tell them to feck off.

I wouldn't buy you a bed either. You sound grabby & entitled. Stop asking for things. You are a grown up and can buy your own bed.

Maybe your parents financial situation has changed since they bought your sis a bed. Maybe they don't like all the dropped hints and entitlement. If they choose to buy you a present, that is their decision. There is no obligation on their part. Honestly OP, you sound like a petulant teenager.

How is getting a part time job a sign of a dysfunctional family? Get off your high horse.

I didn’t say my parents made me Oliver Twist so you can keep your ‘facts’ and get a grip.

I think @Girlinengland has flounced off to her (bedless ) room
My grandparents who lived a mile from my 3 cousins, took each of them to Edinburgh for a special treat weekend.
I lived in London and was promised such a weekend 'eventually'
I am still waiting; however, both are dead, but I will bring it up when we next meet

@pootlin what you actually said was you didn't take a penny from your parents since the age of 15. If what you actually meant is your pocket money stopped as you got a paper round then you should have said that. I hope your parents would not have thought it was fine for you to sleep on a urine stained mattress at any age.

By the way, stating "you sound incredibly immature and entitled" places you very firmly on your high horse in my opinion

YABU. Just buy a cheap mattress for your parents house- of course you don't want to sleep on the old one. However Your parents are having you and your boyfriend stay at their house rent free I presume a few days a week for the ongoing future... using their water, electricity, food etc ?? Is your sibling getting that ? Be grateful for what you have

I am still waiting; however, both are dead, but I will bring it up when we next meet

🤣🤣🤣

Wow. I have rarely read a thread oozing such petulance and entitlement.

Does your sister have a bigger bedroom than you aswell?

Jesus Christ

It's clearly not actually about the bed as an item of furniture. Sadly, some people just can't see past the item to be able to understand what the actual issue is.
So talk to them. Tell them it's not about the bed, it's about what the bed represents to you. A lifetime of being treated as though you don't matter as much as your sister. That it's not about the stuff.

Yes.
Whilst if you're earning a goos wage and can afford your own things, the parents have reneged on their promise.
Plus expecting someone to sleep on an ancient, unclean bed..a new mattress from IKEA isn't going to break the bank.

I don’t think the bed is the issue here, you are feeling hurt because they have shown favouritism towards your sister. Do they often do this and it’s finally worn you down to obsessing about a bed? Or is it the first time and you are obsessing about things being equal.

Have you actually sat down and told them that you are hurt by the fact they have treated your sister but not you and continue to spout double standards when you ask. Could the real reason they bought your sister one be because she earns a lot less than you and couldn’t afford a bed? Or maybe she does a lot for them and the bed was a thank you gift?

Expecting them to buy you a bed for your house as an adult is entitled. But expecting them to show you respect is not. Unless you are clear about your feelings to yourself and with them you will ponder this in circles forever.