Aibu to think my parents should buy me a bed?

[Girlinengland]

I moved out of my parents house for uni at 18, moved back in with them at 21 then went to live in a rented house share a few years later. My parents were not supportive of this, saying I should save money to buy a house (I was working and earning well) but I don’t regret it one bit, I had the best years of my life in that house. I think that’s the reason why I wasn’t asked if I needed anything for my new house.

Years later, my sibling moved out to live with her boyfriend in the flat he’d bought. My parents bought them a bed. Not your average cheap Ikea bed - I’m talking one of those very pricey ones, and other bits and pieces.

I told my parents I was disappointed I’d not been offered anything when I moved out and they said “when you move in with a boyfriend we’ll buy you a bed too.”

So… I’m only worthy of a bed if I’m shacked up then? Great.

When I did move in with my boyfriend a year or so ago, I kept dropping hints we were bed shopping and my mum never ever offered to buy us one, despite previous promises. For some reason asking outright made me uncomfortable and it upset me she may have “forgotten” to ask what I need.

We’re now moving out of that house to live a few hours away, but I’ll still be spending a few nights a week at my parent’s house. The only bed there for me is over 15 years old and my grandad slept on it for years. It’s full of coffee, tea and urine stains. I don’t want to sleep on it.

I asked my mum if there’d be a new bed for when I moved in and she said “either sleep on the one we have because the stains aren’t that bad, or buy yourself a new one.”

I outright said “most people would ensure their adult daughter has a clean bed to sleep on when she stays.”

She’s now saying she’ll buy me a bed and assumed i meant I’d be taking the “new” bed with me after I don’t need to stay there anymore, which makes me even more upset…. Because she bought an almost £1k bed for my sibling and she still technically “owes” me one!

I should say that money isn’t an issue for my parents and neither is space. Their house has plenty of empty bedrooms with spaces for beds that for one reason or another, have no beds in them.

So AIBU to think my parents should buy me a bed?

Sorry lol lol from 16 I worked and bought my own things never did I expect anything from my parents. Anything I was given was always gratefully appreciated

How much money are you saving by staying with your parents?

Will you be contributing to bills and paying rent or sponging off them?

Grow up

I’ve not taken a penny from my parents since I was 15, either. The point is that my sibling has been bought a LOT and I’ve never been asked if I needed so much as a saucepan.

What did I just read? Grow up, OP. Get rid of your entitled attitude.

I also worked all through uni which I fully funded myself. my parent’s paid for my sister’s uni .

I'm confused. Originally you said your parents bought your sibling a new bed (an expensive one) for their flat...now you're saying 'they kitted the whole house out'. Are you complaining that they haven't bought you a bed or provided everything for a house?

Talk to them. Tell them how you feel. It’s not even about getting the bed, it’s about explaining that their actions and false promises have left you feeling like you’re the inferior child and it’s caused you genuine upset. Maybe they will start to understand and realise what they’ve done and you will be able to repair your relationship and feel a bit happier.

Well this clearly isn't correct since you have stated that you left at 18 for uni and then came back to live with them and are still staying at their home regularly. Of course you've "taken a penny from them"

Honestly, the level of entitlement here is quite astonishing.

Couldn’t even tell you what my parents have given my sibling over the years, let alone decide to use it as an excuse to have a strop. Anything handed my way has been accepted with the utmost gratitude, as I am an adult.

YABU. Buy a bed if you want one.

Even more reason why I wouldn't want anything from them. Just go low contact and get on with your life.

Old enough to move out and or shack up old enough to buy a bed yourself

I'd be upset too as your parents aren't treating you equally. I get it. It's not about the bed at all. It's what it stands for and your parents have gone back on their promise. I understand why that would hurt.

Jesus,

my mums just spent £700 doing my brothers room up and I go and stay there sometimes still too and yet she don’t owe me a bedroom
makeover jusr because my brother got one in her house

I'm a bit confused about the bed issue- you say you don't want to sleep on the 15 year old bed, but I thought you wanted your parents to provide a new bed for your new part-time home with your boyfriend.

Which is it? Or were you expecting them to buy two new beds- one for their house, where you'll be living, or your house with your boyfriend, where you'll also be living?

Perhaps they're thinking they'll buy things for you when you move out properly?

Go to IKEA.

Buy a replacement mattress.

Act your age not your shoe size.

I think you should just stop staying at their house. It's a bit weird that you do that, what is the reason for it? You need to separate from your parents in that way. I can't imagine living with a partner who kept sleeping somewhere else, unless it was for work reasons.

I think if you want it then you need to ask for it and say why you're feeling put out. Instead of dropping these hints and feeling resentful, perhaps you can have a conversation about it.

Prices have risen - if they could only afford to be generous to your sister that is fine too.
They don’t sound wealthy if they’ve kept your grandads stained bed; I can’t believe you’d expect to take a new bed if they did buy one. It’s no wonder they don’t do so.
Try and look to yourself and the way you treat others - build an adult relationship with your family.

Perhaps your parents are as confused as I am...
You say you are moving a few hours away, yet will be spending 'several' nights a week at home

So 2 questions

1. are you actually moving out of your parent's house and starting a new life with your BF?
2. where do you want this bed - in your parent's house for when you stay, or at your new house (which you won't be staying in very often because you'll be at your parent's house several nights a week...)

The money you’re going to save on hotel fees by staying with your parents is going to exceed the money your parents spent on your sister’s £1k bed and a kettle. By a country mile.

You sound spoilt and dramatic. My dd unfortunately has some of those traits and I’m working very very hard to direct her away from her entitled behaviour. She does this thing where she expects and voices things in a demanding way, and it makes me NOT want to do things for her. Eg last weekend I’d gone out and bought her and her sister some bras and comfy pj’s as a treat. Neither knew I’d bought them for each other, and I gave her older sister hers first as I’d seen her first. As soon as she found out she didn’t come in and say x’s pj’s are really nice mum, did you get me anything? She came stamping in with an attitude and came out with ‘how come x has got new clothes and I haven’t’??!! Because I haven’t given them to you yet you little brat! Guess whose clothes went back to the shop? Your attitude comes across as nasty and entitled and you’re already changing your story as people are disagreeing with you

But my DD’s are 15 and 13 btw. If they still had the attitude that you have as a grown woman I’d be telling you to get the fuck out of my house and go sponge off someone else

Honestly, buy your own bed and stop being so entitled.

Your parents are putting you up a few days a week, surely that's enough?

I don't really understand the issue.

You have said you don't want to sleep on a heavily stained mattress and I'm with you on that so your DM has said she will buy a new one. But this isn't right either for reasons I don't quite get.