Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

449 replies

2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:23

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 07/02/2024 00:26

No advice. You aren’t unreasonable. I guess I’d tell gym bunny to decline the invitation and why.

hjkvb · 07/02/2024 00:28

Tell her she has to decline and tell her why

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2024 00:34

I don't see the big deal with them coming to the wedding, honestly. I doubt they'll shag on the dance floor.

easilydistracted1 · 07/02/2024 00:41

I'd tell the man she is having an affair that if would be best to let his mistress know she's no longer welcome. Hopefully he'll now out too. You can't have him and his wife there if you know about the affair but have disinvited her not him. Or make sure everyone knows who is invited through casual conversation

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:42

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2024 00:34

I don't see the big deal with them coming to the wedding, honestly. I doubt they'll shag on the dance floor.

Yeah I'm not expecting them to shag on the dance floor but knowing they've been shagging everywhere else when both of their partners are our good friends is a tough pill to swallow.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2024 00:45

2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:42

Yeah I'm not expecting them to shag on the dance floor but knowing they've been shagging everywhere else when both of their partners are our good friends is a tough pill to swallow.

Show quote history

Life is full of bitter pills so you can either swallow one now or wait until after the wedding. Unless you are going to tell both couples that they can no longer attend, I don't see the point in just excluding one. After the wedding, you can then distance yourself if that's what you wish to do.

PeopleAreWeird · 07/02/2024 00:49

I would tell the two people who are having an affair why they arent invited and let them come up with a reason to there partners

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:50

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2024 00:45

Life is full of bitter pills so you can either swallow one now or wait until after the wedding. Unless you are going to tell both couples that they can no longer attend, I don't see the point in just excluding one. After the wedding, you can then distance yourself if that's what you wish to do.

Show quote history

I dont want to exclude one I want to exclude them both. Don't invite the one who hasn't been invited yet, and uninvite the one who has been invited, and tell her why. So I was just after general opinions asking WWYD as I know it will likely cause issues. But I also don't want these people at my wedding they are disgusting for what they are doing.

OP posts:
PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 00:53

Either tell their partners or carry on as normal. The partners will dislike you anyway when it finally comes out that you knew and that's why they didn't go to your wedding. You can't just not invite your 2 good friends to your wedding. They will feel crap and think you don't like them. Surely they will question you about it. Are you just going to lie to them? You haven't thought this through.

neighboursareselling · 07/02/2024 00:54

Only one guest has been invited so far, the gym bunny who needs to be disinvited. Presumably the affair partner won't be getting an invite now the bride knows about their dirty doings.

It'll be interesting to see how their innocent spouses react to not being invited as you're such good friends, or do you intend to invite the spouses?

Anneta · 07/02/2024 00:57

How will you explain to their spouses why they are not invited to your wedding if you are very close to them. Or are you just inviting them without their other half, in which case how would explain that?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 07/02/2024 00:58

easy, tell the faithful ones what’s going on and kill two birds with one stone - neither couple will attend and two people might be able to retain some dignity before everyone knows they’re being cheated on

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:58

No I don't want to invite both couples, I know its not their innocent partners fault but I'm at a loss of what to do. I like @PeopleAreWeird suggestion of telling the affair 2 why they are not invited and let them tell their partners whatever they choose. For someone above suggesting they'll dislike me, yeah I'm totally good with that as I'm not the one who couldn't keep it in my pants so I'll accept that.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 07/02/2024 01:03

It must be a big wedding if you are inviting people from the gym. It's not your problem that this woman is having an affair, if it's even true? It's your wedding so do what you want. Do you think there will be soap opera style showdown/ mass brawl? If so I guess un-invite all 3 of them.

PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 01:04

With good friends who find out your partners cheating and don't tell you, who needs enemies.

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:06

BobbyBiscuits · 07/02/2024 01:03

It must be a big wedding if you are inviting people from the gym. It's not your problem that this woman is having an affair, if it's even true? It's your wedding so do what you want. Do you think there will be soap opera style showdown/ mass brawl? If so I guess un-invite all 3 of them.

I'm quite clearly not inviting people from the gym, I seen this friend at the gym that I go to.

OP posts:
Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:07

PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 01:04

With good friends who find out your partners cheating and don't tell you, who needs enemies.

Which is why I'm asking WWYD and said "I feel awful not telling them", meaning "I want to tell them" 🤯

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 07/02/2024 01:08

Honestly, I would do nothing. It is nothing to do with you. You might not like it, but it is nothing to do with you.

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:15

PhoenixStarbeamer · 07/02/2024 00:53

Either tell their partners or carry on as normal. The partners will dislike you anyway when it finally comes out that you knew and that's why they didn't go to your wedding. You can't just not invite your 2 good friends to your wedding. They will feel crap and think you don't like them. Surely they will question you about it. Are you just going to lie to them? You haven't thought this through.

Edited

Which is literally why I'm asking WWYD and saying I want to tell them! But I also don't want to tell them because it's a really sticky situation I've been left in. I haven't thought anything through to the point where I know what I should do no, which is why I'm asking for opinions on here.

OP posts:
CrappyBarbara · 07/02/2024 01:20

Snugglemonkey · 07/02/2024 01:08

Honestly, I would do nothing. It is nothing to do with you. You might not like it, but it is nothing to do with you.

Agree. Just because you happen to be having a wedding doesn’t mean it’s your place to insert yourself into this situation that has nothing to do with you. I GUARANTEE there will be plenty of people at your wedding who will have done things you disapprove of. I get that it’s your big day and you’re the bride but not everything is about you!

shreknjumps · 07/02/2024 01:24

It's a long fall down from that high horse op. I wouldn't get involved tbh

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:24

Can I just ask the people who are saying it's nothing to do with me how they would feel if their good friends knew that your DH was shagging another good friend who regularly end up in the same circles, and they didn't tell you...would you be OK with that? It's a genuine question as that's the situation I'm in. It's not even just about my wedding, it's about 2 sets of friends and I'm right in the middle now I've walked in on what I did. So no need in saying it's not about me, I'm not making it about me. I dont know what the hell to do given that these people are our friends.

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 07/02/2024 01:29

I think you should uninvite the one, and not invite the other. Nothing to do with it being any of your business or not, but while they may not - to quote a PP - be shagging on the dancefloor, if one or more of them has a bit too much to drink and behaves indiscreetly you don't know what might kick off. And your wedding is not where you want that to happen.

I'm sorry that this has disappointed you and they're not who you thought they were.

Original poster
2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:31

Thanks for getting it @Gymnopedie, I'm just so confused given that I didn't want to walk into to what I heard, I wish I never. But then prior posters being funny with me and telling me I'm on my high horse, can't win.

OP posts:
shreknjumps · 07/02/2024 01:31

So why are you fucking about saying you'll tell the affair couple you know and then leave them to say whatever they want about the wedding to their spouses? Confused

That's not telling them is it? It's giving them a heads up to be more discreet. Blow them wide open (and end up regretting getting involved) or keep your nose out.