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Original poster

Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

449 replies

2024Bride · 07/02/2024 00:23

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

OP posts:
Newchapterbeckons · 07/02/2024 07:35

It absolutely is something to do with op, it’s HER wedding!!

I would not want this blowing up my wedding day when they both get drunk and find a way to get it on at the wedding.

Uninvite the two cheats, and tell them you don’t want your special day ruined worrying about this. I would give them the option to tell their partners themselves or you will (If the spouses are close friends of yours) If you are not close to the spouses drop the ultimatum and just uninvite. I would always tell my friends, I couldn’t be complicit in the lies.

BarrelOfOtters · 07/02/2024 07:37

There could be loads of your guests having affairs, it’s what people do, you could send out a pre qualification questionnaire and ask how nice they are to their grannies , do they give to charity, and have they ever had an affair.

it’s not your business….you’ve no idea what is going on I. These people lives.
marriage and life is messy and weird and strange and people can be awful. You uninviting people who would be expecting an invitation is going to cause ripples. This isn’t the way to do this if you are going to do something.

Musntapplecrumble · 07/02/2024 07:39

Have you told your fiance?
Do you think gym bunny knew you could hear?🤔
Could the innocent parties all know anyway?
Could they all break up before the wedding? (Either affairs or marriages)?
Sorry more questions than answers!
But I think you've got enough on your plate...just concentrate on you, lovey.

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 07/02/2024 07:40

You either pretend you didnt hear it or speak up.

I think you missed a prime chance to address it at the time.

Either send wife a note or pick one of the three to talk to. I'd pick either the mam or wife as the gym bunny has no power and even if she ended things, wife might still have STIS and will be in the dark. You want the wife to know, so I'd start there. Gives her a chance to be on the front foot.

There is a strong chance you will lose all 3 as friends.

BarrelOfOtters · 07/02/2024 07:40

Separate this out from your wedding. I just don’t think your wedding should become about this affair. And if the partners are such good friends of yours don’t uninvited them from your wedding’s.

your real question is do I throw a hand Grenada of knowledge into the lives of 2 sets of friends.it’s not about you and your wedding.

Newchapterbeckons · 07/02/2024 07:42

BarrelOfOtters · 07/02/2024 07:37

There could be loads of your guests having affairs, it’s what people do, you could send out a pre qualification questionnaire and ask how nice they are to their grannies , do they give to charity, and have they ever had an affair.

it’s not your business….you’ve no idea what is going on I. These people lives.
marriage and life is messy and weird and strange and people can be awful. You uninviting people who would be expecting an invitation is going to cause ripples. This isn’t the way to do this if you are going to do something.

Loads of affairs?! Very unlikely.

Boomer55 · 07/02/2024 07:42

I really would stay out of it. Meddling in other people’s marriages rarely turns out well.

laclochette · 07/02/2024 07:42

@BarrelOfOtters Totally agree.

Ladyj84 · 07/02/2024 07:42

So you were able to stand for quite a while in the gym behind them without being spotted and heard a while convo absolute proof this is happening and didn't get spotted hmmmmm

Katieflake · 07/02/2024 07:43

keep out if it and forget you heard anything

Newchapterbeckons · 07/02/2024 07:44

BarrelOfOtters · 07/02/2024 07:40

Separate this out from your wedding. I just don’t think your wedding should become about this affair. And if the partners are such good friends of yours don’t uninvited them from your wedding’s.

your real question is do I throw a hand Grenada of knowledge into the lives of 2 sets of friends.it’s not about you and your wedding.

A grenade? What are you talking about, the only people blowing up their marriages are the two cheats at the centre of this.

Daffodil18 · 07/02/2024 07:44

I think you’re in a lose lose situation. However morally I couldn’t live everyday knowing two of my friends were being stabbed in the back and I just watched from the sidelines.

Sodndashitall · 07/02/2024 07:45

OP I would not tell these people that their partners are having an affair. You don't actually know the full situation here as you overheard a conversation and there maybe something more that you don't know.
If you are determined not to have them at the wedding then tell the affair people and tell them why and let them work it out as a PP suggested.
But also consider you don't know everything about everyone at your wedding ! And you were eavesdropping to find this out ...

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 07/02/2024 07:49

Please dont just uninvite. Imagine being the wife and thinking you've been snubbed by a good friend. If you're going to damage the relationship, at least be honest. Nobody seems to be be thinking that the wife is going to directly ask you at some point why she wasnt invited. OP will either have to lie, which will make her feel shit and mutual friends will likely ditch her if they find out the real reason, or she will have to say "sorry, didnt invite you as your husband was shagging my friend".

I'd tell the wife in a really sensitive and very hedging way so she can save face. Say that you understand that she may find it difficult to believe and hope you got the wrong end if the stick but you overheard gymbunny saying something that sounded like her husband and wanted to let her know so it's out in the open. Gymbunny friendship will be over because wife will tell husband what someone at the gym heard and it wont take long to piece it together.

3luckystars · 07/02/2024 07:52

I’m pretty sure an affair started at our wedding. They ended up married to each other in the end. They deserve each other.

There is stuff going on all the time.
You would end up with very few guests if you knew all the hidden secrets.

If it was me, I would pretend you hadn’t heard it for now and issue your invitations as normal. See how you feel closer the time.

She could also be making it all up.
Terrible thing to overhear though. All the best with the wedding
plans.

doilooklikeicare · 07/02/2024 07:52

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 07/02/2024 07:49

Please dont just uninvite. Imagine being the wife and thinking you've been snubbed by a good friend. If you're going to damage the relationship, at least be honest. Nobody seems to be be thinking that the wife is going to directly ask you at some point why she wasnt invited. OP will either have to lie, which will make her feel shit and mutual friends will likely ditch her if they find out the real reason, or she will have to say "sorry, didnt invite you as your husband was shagging my friend".

I'd tell the wife in a really sensitive and very hedging way so she can save face. Say that you understand that she may find it difficult to believe and hope you got the wrong end if the stick but you overheard gymbunny saying something that sounded like her husband and wanted to let her know so it's out in the open. Gymbunny friendship will be over because wife will tell husband what someone at the gym heard and it wont take long to piece it together.

What about the husband of the woman the OP has already invited?

Should she kit also tell him?

seafoamgreenhair · 07/02/2024 07:53

2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:32

I'm saying I dont know what to do ffs.

Do what you wnat to do. Uninvite the gym cheater, and tell her why. Don't invite the man cheater and tell him why. It's your wedding. You don't want it tainted by the pair of them.

rustlerwaiter · 07/02/2024 07:59

2024Bride · 07/02/2024 01:24

Can I just ask the people who are saying it's nothing to do with me how they would feel if their good friends knew that your DH was shagging another good friend who regularly end up in the same circles, and they didn't tell you...would you be OK with that? It's a genuine question as that's the situation I'm in. It's not even just about my wedding, it's about 2 sets of friends and I'm right in the middle now I've walked in on what I did. So no need in saying it's not about me, I'm not making it about me. I dont know what the hell to do given that these people are our friends.

Either do nothing, or tell your friends their partners are cheating.

Uninviting/not inviting people might sit well with you now but that does nothing for your friends. If or when they find out that's why their partners didn't attend, with you not telling them, it looks worse than doing nothing.

I'm not saying you do, but that option makes it look like you care more about the wedding than your friends.

3luckystars · 07/02/2024 07:59

Also, regarding telling their spouses, I had to deal with this before and said to the person ‘you put me in a terrible spot, you tell her or I will’
And I called around the next day to tell her and she said ‘I know why you are here, he already told me but thank you’
and we all remained friends

Amba1998 · 07/02/2024 08:01

Either I) do nothing and invite all as planned and get on with your life or 2) put your big girl pants on and out them to their wife / husband

Newchapterbeckons · 07/02/2024 08:01

Tell the cheats you know and expect them to do the right thing.

StrongTea · 07/02/2024 08:02

You might find that one or both couples decline the invite for obvious reasons. Would keep out of it.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/02/2024 08:06

You have a few options.
Option 1 would be to put your fingers in your ears and make like you haven't heard anything. Feign ignorance if asked and plod along as you had been up to this point.
Option 2 would be to take the Gym Friend for a coffee and say that you were walking behind her and overhead her conversation. Tell her you want no part in the situation but you cannot invite her or her partner to your wedding any longer and she must decline the invite as you will not be including them in the table plan. Tell her that you will expect that official decline of invite in the post and if you don't get it by X date, you'll be letting her partner know that unfortunately they are no longer invited and if they want to know why, they have to ask Gym Friend directly.
Option 3 would be to tell Gym Friend that they aren't invited but their partner still is (innocent party). You could also invite the other innocent party to the wedding as they are unaware of the situation and see if that would work.
Option 4 would be to invite all as originally planned. Sit the couples at tables far away from each other. Then when it's time for the dancing to begin, have a dance with each of them and have a quiet word in the ear of the innocent parties and let them know what you overheard. What happens with that information is entirely up to them but you didn't want them to carry on in the dark so to speak.

I feel that I have to ask though - why are you so conflicted about this affair happening? Affairs happen (not saying they are right or wrong) but they don't usually involve having wedding invites rescinded.

Flottie · 07/02/2024 08:07

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2024 00:34

I don't see the big deal with them coming to the wedding, honestly. I doubt they'll shag on the dance floor.

This I imagine they’ll be civil and polite to eachother

IsthisthereallifeIsthisjustfantasy · 07/02/2024 08:08

It might all come out by that time anyway. I think at this stage I would proceed as normal, invite everyone on your guest list then wait and see what's happening nearer the time. That might be the time to be having quiet words with people.