Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

I'm saying I dont know what to do ffs.

You'll be amazed at how much of this goes on. It just so happens you heard about it at your gym. If you feel that bad, tell the innocent parties but I will tell you this - I once told an innocent party that their wife was having an affair and it didn't end up well for me. They separated, got back together and for whatever reason, things have never been the same in our friendship but they're great - had another child and it was over 15 years ago. So, the messenger will always get shot. In hindsight, I wish I never said anything and my DH says the same. Also take into account that the innocent spouse actually knows so you will not be telling them anything new but for whatever reason has accepted it. If I were you, I'd say nothing, invite everyone to your wedding and enjoy your day.

And we're saying you'll be best to keep out of it from experience

I think you need to be prepared to lose all four as friends if you do anything other than originally planned. The spouses will see it as a snub to not be invited / uninvited. If you confront the two they'll likely tell spouses you are unhinged / making it up / false accusations etc. If you value any of the friendships then let sleeping dogs lie. Also if you don't invite it will absolutely be a give away (perhaps a little later down the line) that you knew and didn't tell the spouse.

That's fair. Just tell both of them and that they need to decline, make it their problem not yours. Enjoy your wedding!

@2024Bride It wasn't obvious to me, sorry. I'm very stressed and tired.

Run off to Las Vegas to get married.

Problem solved. Fab honeymoon too around there in Utah......amazing nature, Monument Valley, Navajo country etc.

Don't let other people spoil your special day.

I'd be afraid of them finding out about each other at the wedding. Honestly I would tell them both and their partners why they are not invited. Besides you don't want cheating vibes at you special day

You need to decide either reveal the situation or carry on as normal. I think it would be unfair for you to leave the friends in the dark and exclude them from your wedding. Imagine if your friend knew your partner was having an affair, didn’t tell you and decided to uninvited you to their wedding over it. Not much of a friend?

No they won't, the affair people I'm sure will be very good at making something up as to why they can't/don't want to go

Do nothing. For your own good. This will be twisted against you, you will lose friends and you are creating drama when you should just focus on enjoying your wedding. Plenty of people have affairs, you just don't know about it. Heck, their spouses might suspect it already.

You must have heard a lot of that conversation very clearly if you are certain of the facts.

I would either tell the partners (if sure of my facts) or invite as planned. Anything else is just interfering and causing drama without helping the friends they're cheating on.

they are grown ups I would either have them at the wedding or not, I have no interest in being in the middle of a soap opera I am and adult myself and all this sounds very childish

Honestly this none of your business.

What would you do if you didn't have your wedding soon? Would you feel compelled to tell their partners, talk to the cheats or do nothing? I think you will lose friends if you get involved but you will probably lose those friends anyway if they ever discover you knew about the affair. I honestly don't know what you should do.

OP - you’re in the worst position, being the one who knows a secret that implicates other people.

This is a really divisive topic.

Most people say they would want to know (and they mean it). But in reality, it almost always backfires on the messenger - the person who divulges the secret.

Likewise, if you keep the secret, and the person being cheated on finds out later on down the line - you’re also often frozen out, for being a bad friend.

Honestly - this is the ultimate ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ scenario.

No matter what you decide to do, you will be in the wrong.

On that basis, I’d probably pretend I hadn’t heard anything, and just hope nothing blows up.

The only way I would tell someone that they were being cheated on was if they were a very good friend, and even then, I’d go to their cheating partner and give them the opportunity to come clean first.

Sorry you’re in this situation.

Or this, pretend you never heard it

I wouldn’t want cheats at my wedding. Or as friends tbh.
Probably in the minority but I’d speak to her to confirm that you’re right and then tell both spouses. What’s worse than being cheated on is finding out that other people knew and didn’t tell you. I don’t think you’ll need to worry about uninviting them afterwards

I'd tell the female you have invited that she's uninvited, tell her why & tell her to tell the guy she's shagging that he's not being invited & it's up to him to explain to his wife why they're not invited

I would be worried that once they've had a few drinks at the wedding that they'll give themselves away. It's easily done after people have been drinking, body language changes etc & the last thing you want is it coming to a head at your reception

You're in a no win situation really so do what is going to cause the least potential damage to you or your wedding

What a crappy position to be in, OP. I'm sorry. Honestly if it were me I would discreetly let both partners know (the non-cheating ones). What they do with that information is up to them but I know if my close friend found out something like that and didn't tell me, I'd be so upset. Good luck, whatever you decide to do

Can I just ask the people who are saying it's nothing to do with me how they would feel if their good friends knew that your DH was shagging another good friend who regularly end up in the same circles, and they didn't tell you...would you be OK with that?

But you’re not going to tell either of them so what’s your point?

If my DH was shagging someone else it would be his and my problem no one elses, we are not an episode of TOWIE

Why just the woman?????

Yours and his problem if you knew. An episode of towie if you were the last to know, like in the OP making your statement a bit redundant.

Because the man hasn't been invited yet