Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

It's none of your business, you don't know the ins and outs of the situation. Forget you heard anything and plough on.

Take the wedding out of the equation for now. If you found out 2 of your friends were cheating would you tell their partners? If so, do it. If not, keep quiet and put it out your head.

If it was me I would tell the partners of the ones who been cheating and not invite the cheaters. As if they know you been lying to them and said nothing all this time they probably not going to like you at all. If your partner was cheating wouldn't you want to know?

Honestly some will shoot the messenger. But i would feel betrayed if someone i considered a friend didnt tell me.

This is such a difficult one, I feel for you! But I think the wedding is a separate issue. If you were not having a wedding and had this same situation what would you do? I think: imagine what you would do if you found out about this affair with no wedding on the horizon and do that. This is two couples lives with such long lasting implications, do what sits best with you and your conscience.

Your wedding is one big day and it goes by so quickly, you will probably not have time to waste on worrying about two couples, especially if you have friends and family you haven’t seen in a while. You’ll be busy eating and drinking and dancing and chatting with so many people, you can shelve this pair of dirty cheaters like you would shelve a relative you don’t particularly like and just not chat to them. You’ll be so busy with other people you probably won’t have time to worry about them on the day.

it will be a lovely day and this will be bottom of your list of things to think about!

Either tell the innocent parties or keep quiet about the whole thing.

Anything else is likely to blow up into big drama and you won’t come out of it looking good.

Honestly I'd tell the one you saw at the gym you know what's going on and you're not having them at the wedding. I'd tell the other one the same and they can work out how to square it away with their other Halves it might make them come clean.

Direct message the offenders and let them know you know what is going on and you'd prefer if they didn't show up for your wedding. They can come up with their own excuses but you'd highly suggest not showing face. The guilt may gnaw at one and they may blab by the time you come back from your honeymoon if not deal with it afterwards.

What did gym bunny say when she realised you were there and had probably overheard?

I think I would tell the 2 cheating ones that I knew about them and that they needed to tell their partners or I would. Then I would invite the ones who hadn't cheated. Otherwise I think you may well lose the friends who are being cheated on unless you can lie forever about the fact that you knew.

This is really hard. I’d tell the gym person that you overheard, you wish you hadn’t, that you don’t want them at the wedding and make it her problem

I agree with @Gymnopedie I would tell the uninvited one why they have been uninvited and make it clear, you overheard the indiscreet conversation. No doubt the invited one will tell the not yet invited one, then they can go from there. Just remember no friends however good they are will thank you for the news. Everyone has their own life choices. This advisory to the invited one may end the affair, or they may all split up and then they may move on with their lives on different journeys. As a friend you will then no doubt be called onto support the "wronged" parties if the latter happens. Again agreeing with @Gymnopedie drink in, wit out. I have been in attendance at events where indiscretions have been outed. This day is about you and your future groom, for you to enjoy. It is not easy having this now to consider. On a brighter note. Have a lovely wedding day and all the best for the future 🎉

Add on to initial post: Also if it does blow up, for the "wronged parties" a good advisory is I suspected something. Had a word, but could not prove anything at that time, so did not bring it to your table as that would of been wrong of me.

In all honesty. I would go to the cheating husbands wife. As a friend, and tell her what I'd heard gym girl saying.

At the end of the day, sure, the easy way out would be to avoid any involvement and no, you didn't ask to be in this situation, but, this situation found you and I couldn't personally be apart of the problem when I could be a part of the resolution instead.

These people aren't respecting their marriages and spouses so. Naturally, they don't deserve a place at your wedding but, this goes beyond your wedding and who to uninvite. This is ultimately about what's morally right to do and THAT .. Is to tell the innocent parties.
As a woman, I would go to the female innocent party in this, which, seems would be the one who's husband is cheating.

Put on my big girl pants for any backlash , because, that's what hurt people do sometimes.
And let her know what you heard.
The rest is up to her.

I don't think keeping quiet about this to keep the peace/friendship is the right thing to do, because you lose that moral high ground of being classed as a friend, for withholding this important information anyway.

Tell the innocent.

I wouldn't tell your close friends if there are kids involved. Tell the person whome you saw gossiping. Thing is, you don't know how someone will take that news. Some people end their lives over such things. Tell the cheating people you know. Let it unfold from there. They have to be the one to disclose their affair. The messenger always gets blamed.

This whole sordid mess will implode shortly, with or without your help. The people who are secretly shagging won't be able to hide what is happening, and sooner or later, they will be found out. Whatever you do, don't tell either party that you knew all along.

I wouldn't worry too much about the wedding invitations, you can always use the excuse of scaling back the guest list due to the cost of living crisis.

Very difficult situation 😕 I think I would leave the wedding out of it. Invite both couples them as you normally would, but tell them they both need to tell their partners about the affair within x time frame - or you will. And if they don't, then do tell their partners. It won't be an easy thing to do and the partners may not even believe you, or could even blame you as the messenger in some way at first - but I think it is the right thing to do, and they will realise you are on their side and it will allow you to preserve your friendship in this shitty situation. Poor you (and them!)!

Goodness, well you've definitely picked a side now!

I hope you're better friends with the cheaters because if this all comes out it will now be beyond doubt that you knew and chose to participate in the cheating of the innocent parties by covering up for their partners' affair.

I do feel for you - is a horrible situation - but I do think you've made the immoral decision here. Cheating gym buddy isn't even sorry.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Only you can know what to do depending on the individuals involved. I'd discuss with your partner if he knows them well too. I'd be tempted to pretend you never found out, but you have to take into account your closest friend in the group and what they would want.

Just tell the partners. Leave wedding out of it, it’s not the issue.

The problem is two of your good friends are having an affair, should you tell their spouses? And the answer is yes, of course. By the time the wedding comes around, there may not be couples to consider. But that’s up to them.

I agree.

OP I hope you're closer with the deceitful party in this because with friends like you and them, who needs enemies. Just wow. Imagine finding out that your husband has been having and affair and it was kept secret by your other friends in the same circle. Just awful. - Hope Karma deals with it for all the shady ones involved honestly.

@MrsComber oh get lost! Literally been put in a shit situation and I'm being told by half of you that I'm a drama queen and half that I'm a shit mate.

You think you're in a shit situation? Think about the innocent couples who you could inform of the situation but are choosing not to. For your own sake.

Think you're a good friend? To who?

Have fun looking your friends in the eyes and pretending to know nothing, after this.

It's your wedding and presumably marriage means something to you. These people have made you feel deeply uncomfortable which you don't deserve on your wedding day. I'm with the person who has told you to tell the cheating man to tell his lover neither of them are welcome. Leave it to the cheats to lie to their DP about why, they're probably good at lying!

People in the comments acting like it was me who can't keep my legs shut! Ffs, I was put in a terrible position but now people are hoping Karma comes and gets me! Actually unbelievable. And then other people telling me I'm a shite mate if I tell them because I'll be ruining families (yes there's kids involved). My legs are shut, and if I had a dick it would be in my pants, this wasn't my doing. I turned up at the gym for a class, I wasn't expecting to be put in this situation. Thanks for everyone giving good advice, and to the ones being little keyboard warriors I hope you're never put in an awkward position.