Wedding guest issues, WWYD?

[2024Bride]

I'm getting married this year, tricky situation has developed where one of the guests also attends a gym that I go to. I have walked in to the gym this week and said guest was there but completely unaware that I had walked in behind her and her friend. I hear their conversation and basically this guest is having an affair with another guest who is invited with his wife! I am in shock. I won't go into detail in case it's outing, but they won't be aware that one another is invited to the wedding yet, only the gym guest out of the 2 has had their invite up to now. I have told my DP I don't want them at the wedding now, but how on earth do I explain that when it comes around given that these are people who are close enough to be expecting an invite! It's none of my business what they do I get that, but they both have husbands and wives that this would shatter! What do I even do? I don't want them at my wedding, I feel awful not telling their partners as they are both close to us (not related). WWYD? I wish I was wrong but it was definitely what was being discussed, and there are reasons that I 100% know which man she was talking about which I won't say on here, and also what she has been getting up to with him 🤯🤯

Hope your soon to be husband doesn't start an affair with one of your friends during your marriage, and if he should, don't expect honesty of anyone around you.
We reap what we sow after all.
Have the day you deserve. ☀️

@MrsComber no, have the day YOU deserve. You're literally carrying on like it's my fault.

I won't be seeing any of these friends any longer, I am not prepared to sit round a table drinking wine with a cheat and an innocent party. So I'm backing off from it all. Should they choose to come to the wedding that's up to them. They'll likely choose not to by the time the wedding comes as I won't have seen them, so they'll think I'm a shit mate which is what I'm being accused of here anyway. But I'd rather bow out like that than ruin 2 families, even though it wasn't me who opened my legs.

No.. You're just defensive.
It's called haveing a conscience. I think deep down you know you should say something to your poor friend.
But instead.. you're choosing the easy route.

We're all here for one life and yet given the opportunity to be a loyal friend to an innocent person, you, are choosing to further be deceitful in THEIR already hard time.

That's on you.

No, you didn't open your legs but you're part of the problem now, as you were put in a position to be able to make your friends aware and ultimately end their suffering by giving the power back to the innocent friends so they can then decide how best to proceed, but nah.

Imagine it was you and you eventually found out years later. Wasted years. Only to then find out people you classed as friends, just allowed it to continue. What a violation.

I'll have the day I deserve no problem, because I choose to morally do the right thing, but you can bury your head in the sand.

As I said before, I hope you're closer to the offenders and I hope your marriage doesn't fall short in anyways. And, keep an eye on your own friends. They seem shady.

@MrsComber I'm not defensive, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and you're just calling me shit behind your keyboard because you can. Hoping my future DH doesn't have an affair, just honestly get a grip. If you'd bothered reading it I've backed off from them all, I dont consider any of them friends now as the damage is done. I'm sad I've lost my friends but I cant be part of that.

I agree with @PeopleAreWeird
Tell the ones having the affair and let them deal with their partners

@2024BrideNew I do think you were having a bit of a “Shoot the (blunt) Messenger” reaction yourself yesterday. If you were totally fine with your decision, I don’t think you would care so much what strangers on the internet think. It’s totally understandable that right before your own wedding you don’t want to get involved in a big drama but maybe revisit it after the wedding/honeymoon.

Did you and your DP ever answer the question about if you hypothetically found yourselves (separately) in the same position, which admittedly seems unthinkable, would you want to be left in the dark?

The earlier vote was split yes, but if the question was, would you want someone to tell you, I don’t think the vote would have been 50:50 at all. Nobody wants to be left in the dark but nobody wants to have to tell someone. So it becomes about doing the right thing or the easy thing.

I actually couldn’t sleep last night thinking about this so I hope at some point you get some peace on it. Any responsibility for breaking up families or effects on kids is not yours by the way: it’s on the cheaters. Their spouses, in my opinion, deserve the chance to make their own informed decisions. Good luck!

My point exactly. And I can't think anyone would be more greatful to be kept in the dark over this. Than have a friend be brave enough to tell them.

@2024BrideNew There are literally no good options here....

The only options are to either tell the cheaters (which you have done) or keep quiet and pretend you know nothing.

For those of you saying to tell the "wronged wife" There is no proof other than an overheard conversation so what if it's not true?

Hiyah.
I hope you are ok!
Any more news?
my opinion (again) make your decision and stick with it.
If you don't want to be friends with any of them anymore, then it doesn't matter. You have a lovely weeding and invite 4 new people instead
If they are not friends, then I'd back off.

But if you want any of them to stay as friends (and I am sensing that might be the case as otherwise you wouldn't be here) you have a decision to make depending on who it is.
Make this about the friendships, not the cheating if that makes sense,.
So be prepared to tell the other partner if you choose them as the friend and also keep the secret if you choose the cheater
(not what everyone on here would say, but it's my opinion)
Your problem lies with if you want to keep a cheater and a victim as friends. That's a whole other thread.
Sadly despite the wedding, you cannot have your cake and eat it this time

I really do feel for you, I hope things work out.

@Loveballet yes there is a further update. This morning I met with the innocent wife of the cheating man...I was totally backing off from the friendship with all 4 people involved as I was in a lose lose situation. But after this friend asked me about something coming up that I tried to skirt around, she immediately knew I wasn't being myself and asked what was going on. She came round, we talked and I told her exactly what I'd heard. She wasn't even shocked. She didn't know he was up to no good with gym bunny, but she suspected he was up to something but couldn't prove it. Now, I've clearly got involved in splitting a family up but that's something I have to live with. Gym bunny has been uninvited, cheating man is now uninvited (and as things stand will be getting divorce papers), and innocent wife is grateful she knows. So 3 out of 4 friends have been wiped out, but apart from innocent partner of gym bunny I couldn't give a shit about the other 2. So yeah, ready for the MN bashing that will come on how I should have kept my mouth shut and its not all about me blah blah. But yeah, tricky situation that I had no idea what to do.

Great that everything seems to have been rather neatly resolved. In my experience this type of thing usually turns into a bit of a sh*tshow.

You did the right thing and it’s solved your wedding issue at the same time. Result. Pity about the friends, sounds like you’ll keep this one.

Then I hope you don't receive a bashing. It's your personal dilemma, not ours, despite the curious level of over-investment and tellings off you've received from bystanders on this thread. Some of the later posts were particularly strident - and just as ridiculous.

I was for staying out of it, but that's as much of an interest as this provokes. Pointless telling you now that you should have kept your mouth shut. Only you could decide what to do about this, but I hope it was your own decision and you didn't feel pressured into it by some of the insufferable 'moralists' on this thread. You can also rest safely assured that any insomnia to which your thread has been attributed as the cause is not of your doing.

The cat's out of the bag and now can't be put back in. The matter is at least decisively resolved.

Thank you! I'm over it now even if I do receive a bashing as some of the comments on here have just been mental. Like I asked for all of this! Thanks for anyone who has been kind enough to understand that.

Glad to hear that you done the right thing in the end. You knew deep down that you needed to and I'm glad the opportunity had come about that gave you the push to do so.

You kept the right loyalty to the right person In the end. That's what matters.

Hiyah.
Gosh.
Well, she knew anyway, (most times they do) it's not your fault and you didn't split anyone up.
You don't deserve any ridiculous comments on here.
(Seems quiet at the moment so all is good)
I think you did the right thing. She asked a question, you answered it and you seem to have held on to the friendship you wanted to keep and gave her some dignity.
Thats quite good going I think.
I'm not sure I could have pulled all that off with a coffee!

As an aside, she sounds like the better friend. She came over to see you when she thought something was wrong with you. (Gym bunny didn't do that)

What happens from now is not on you. Let the dust settle and be there for her.

All my love to both of you.

@2024BrideNew

You did the right thing in telling the wife. Or rather, confirming what she suspected. It's always better to know the truth than to live in ignorance. Chances are the truth would have come out anyway. At least you told her the truth with caring and compassion.

Since the two cheaters now know that the wife knows (or they will soon) I'd say chances are also pretty good that Mr gym bunny will find out soon one way or the other. Who knows, the wife may take it upon herself to inform Mr gb of what his wife has been up to. I would if I were her.

Just try to relax now and look forward to your lovely wedding.

Well done, good outcome in the difficult circumstances. You did the brave thing and you seem more at peace about it when you had decided to say nothing. Hopefully you keep the friendship with the right person and things work out for them too. Best of luck with your wedding!

I was for staying out of it, but then I don't think I'd be able to lie if asked directly like that. I think you did the only thing you could do really.

You are totally between a rock and hard place, and the messenger usually looses.

I'm glad the innocent wife knows, and she doesn't blame you, I hope your friendship continues.

You did the right thing.

@2024Bride
What did u end up doing? How close are these friends to u and how close are they to each other? If they are really close friends then I think I'd tell them, they would be angry if u know and said nothing but remember, if they decide to give their partner a another chance then it could be u that finds yourself excluded cause the partner having the affair will hold a grudge.

Goodluck for ur wedding x

Sorry, I just read back a bit. I'm glad the wife knows.