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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD return stolen item?

189 replies

Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:49

We stayed in a hotel recently. I've since found that my DD (autistic DD) has taken (stolen) one of the hotel room key cards even though it says that they need to be returned when checking out as they are reused for future customers/guests. DD says that she kept it because she "likes it" and "wants to keep it". I think she should return it/post it back to the hotel but DH says I'm "overreacting" because it is just a hotel room key card. AIBU to make DD return this stolen item?

OP posts:
TheNuttyNatterer · 05/02/2024 12:51

YANBU I think she should return the card.

Pixilicious1 · 05/02/2024 12:51

It’s a key card, they have hundreds and won’t miss it. Let her have it as a memento

ZekeZeke · 05/02/2024 12:51

Of course it should be returned.
You need to teach your daughter stealing is wrong and has consequences.

Pottedpalm · 05/02/2024 12:52

If she had stolen from a shop I would say yes, but a key card for a souvenir.. nah. People often keep them by mistake. Have a chat with her but I wouldn’t make her return it.

ZekeZeke · 05/02/2024 12:52

Pixilicious1 · 05/02/2024 12:51

It’s a key card, they have hundreds and won’t miss it. Let her have it as a memento

So if she likes something she sees she can just take it?
She stole!

Maireas · 05/02/2024 12:52

She has to learn what she can and can't have, even if she has additional needs. Return the card.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 05/02/2024 12:53

So your dhs opinion is if she wants something she can just take it?

InAnotherLifetimeMaybe · 05/02/2024 12:53

It's theft

No matter how you dress it up..... starts small

PutMyFootIn · 05/02/2024 12:53

How old is your DD?

Normally I'd say return something stolen but it's just a keycard. They reset them for the next guest. Taking one home with you means the hotel will incur a very very very small cost, nothing to worry about. It's not like she stole the Frette sheets.

Bythefireside · 05/02/2024 12:53

Was going to say yes till I saw what it was, I accidentally take these home all the time.

Original poster
Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:53

It was from quite a posh hotel that we don't normally stay in so I can understand why she would want to keep something from it but I think she should return it because it's technically stolen.

OP posts:
DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 05/02/2024 12:54

Return it - how do you plan to do this if DD agrees?

helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 12:55

I have an asd child. I'm really torn on the one hand I appreciate how my son attaches to things and it's something you had during the stay, so more of a blurred boundary on ownership (to a child) plus they will be use to lost key cards.

But I would be concerned about setting a poor example.

I'd probably keep it but have a chat about taking things that aren't ours

Original poster
Coffeehelpsmebemum · 05/02/2024 12:55

PutMyFootIn · 05/02/2024 12:53

How old is your DD?

Normally I'd say return something stolen but it's just a keycard. They reset them for the next guest. Taking one home with you means the hotel will incur a very very very small cost, nothing to worry about. It's not like she stole the Frette sheets.

DD is 14 and has autism. I think she should return it to the hotel but DH doesn't agree with me.

OP posts:
hereforthetea · 05/02/2024 12:56

Morally, something stolen should be returned but I think I'd find it difficult to get upset about a key card. I can imagine many of these never get returned. I barely see that as 'stealing' to be perfectly honest.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 05/02/2024 12:57

How old is she?

I'd make her return it, yes. It's not hers - it's that simple.

Also, check your bill, you may have already been charged for a replacement. Not that that means you shouldn't return it, but it's something else you can point out to her as being a consequence.

TokyoSushi · 05/02/2024 12:57

They won't miss it.

But if DD knew that she was 'stealing' it and did it on purpose, she probably should be made to return it, it's a lesson where the 'stolen' item doesn't really matter - which is good!

If you do want her to return it, pop it in the post with a note saying that it was taken by mistake. Some folk used to just put a stamp on the actual key card at my old hotel!

InAnotherLifetimeMaybe · 05/02/2024 12:57

Get her to write a letter and address the envelope to send back

You can bin it and pretend you posted it

It's about her attitude

Whoopaday · 05/02/2024 12:57

Ask you DH if the hotel are going to charge you for the card. Also I think she needs to return it as she can’t keep something she likes from a museum or a shop. Can you get her a postcard or suggest you write to the hotel and ask them to send something?

Barleysugar86 · 05/02/2024 12:58

I don't think this is important enough to get upset about. They'll have a certain amount of wastage for breakages, mislaid cards etc as standard. They probably buy them in bulk for 30p each. I'd let her have it but ask her not to do that again.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 05/02/2024 12:58

She needs to know she can’t just take things that don’t belong to her, regardless of what the item is. Letting her keep it sends the message that it’s fine to take what you like and keep it.

MixingPlaydough · 05/02/2024 12:59

Definitely return it. How can he not see he's setting a precedent if he allows her to keep this item. Yes it's only a key card but if she's allowed to keep it how will she draw the line in future?

Pottedpalm · 05/02/2024 12:59

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 05/02/2024 12:57

How old is she?

I'd make her return it, yes. It's not hers - it's that simple.

Also, check your bill, you may have already been charged for a replacement. Not that that means you shouldn't return it, but it's something else you can point out to her as being a consequence.

Oh for heaven’s sake! Has anyone honestly been charged for a key card?? We ended up with many over the years as DH travelled a lot and would forget to hand them in.

helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 12:59

Ahh she's slightly older than I anticipated. What's her understanding of stealing? Has it happened before? Was here something significant about it?

WmFnKdSg1234 · 05/02/2024 13:00

There needs to be a hard clear boundary: you don't take things that belong to others without permission.

I would make her return it or return myself.

Otherwise, like previous posters have said, if she likes something enough then she'll feel it is then okay to steal it.

I would also keep a bit of an eye on this behaviour, not in a sinister way, but just being aware that there might be a need to have more talks about ownership, and what is okay to ask/take/want to have etc. Some children need support to understand some aspects of expected behaviour.

You don't say how old DD is but I think this point is particularly important to impress uoon children during their primary school years...